At Lease Be Courteous

| USA | Money

(I work in a call center that helps people with pricing and availability on apartment homes. We ask a few questions that may affect the price.)

Me: “So, do you know how long of a lease you would like to sign?”

Caller: “‘Lease’? I’m not signing no d*** lease! I just want to move.”

Me: “Well, you are required to sign a lease if you want an apartment.”

Caller: “I’ve never heard of these ‘leases’! You just want more money!” *hangs up*

Less Social, More Security

| USA | Extra Stupid

(I am on working the register during a busy day and the line is building up fast. I have finished ringing up a customer and am gathering some information.)

Me: “And can I have your zip code, please?”

Customer: “Sure, it’s [zip code].”

Me: “All right, and a phone number?”

(The customer rattles off a number that sounds exactly like a social security number.)

Me: “Um, sir, that sounds like it would be your social security number.”

Customer: “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You tricked me into giving you my social security number!”

Me: *speechless*

You Can’t Have Your Cake And Believe It Too

| Adelaide, Australia | Food & Drink

(A customer walks into the shop and starts looking at our cakes.)

Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at a carrot and walnut cake*

Coworker: “No, that’s a carrot cake. We have cheesecake right over here.”

(I show the customer the cheesecake.)

Customer: “Okay.”

(The customer walks away, but returns ten minutes later.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “That’s cheesecake?” *points at the carrot cake again*

Me: “No, sorry. That’s a carrot cake.”

Customer: “Cheesecake?” *points at another cake*

Me: “No, that’s an orange and coconut cake. The cheesecake’s here.”

(I show her the cheesecake, once again.)

Customer: *incredulously*That’s cheesecake?!”

(She eventually buys the cheesecake, but only after it taking a while to convince her it is actually cheesecake!)

I Become Employee, Destroyer Of Air Pumps

| Australia | Uncategorized

(A customer comes into the store part of the petrol station after unsuccessfully trying to inflate his tires with our air pump that was labelled as being out of order.)

Customer: “I can’t inflate my tires.”

Me: “Sorry about that. The air pump is broken at the moment, and we’re waiting on the technician to repair it next week.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I need to inflate my tires!”

Me: “Sorry, there’s not a lot I can do. We have small cans of air, but they’re quite expensive and are only meant for emergencies.”

Customer: “This is the third station in this area I’ve been to today with a faulty pump!”

(Suddenly, the customer narrows his eyes at me.)

Customer: “This can’t be a coincidence.”

Me: “Wait, are you saying I sabotaged not only our own pump, but the air pumps at several competing petrol stations as well?”

Customer: “You must be doing something. This is outrageous!”

Things People Say When Stalling

| Bozeman, MT, USA | Hotels & Lodging

(I work housekeeping at a hotel. We knock and give the guest a few moments of privacy before we enter.)

Me: *knocking* “Housekeeping!”

Guest: “Who’s there?”

Me: “Housekeeping!”

Guest: “What kind?”

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