Not Lacking For Laxatives

| Long Island, NY, USA | Health & Body

Me: “**** Pharmacy, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I gotta question for you: I drank a whole thing of prune juice like water, and now I’m s***ing my brains out.”

Me: “Okay, and what did you need to know?”

Customer: “Is your generic of ducolax the same thing?”

Me: “Yes. Same thing.”

Customer: “Okay, good, because I’m gonna need a plug soon or something!”

D As In Duh, Part 2

| Pennsylvania, USA | Language & Words

Me: “You’ll also want to check out the Free Application for Federal Student Aid.  You can apply for that online if you have internet connection.”

Caller: “I do. What’s the URL?”

Me: “All right. It’s www dot ‘F’ as in ‘Frank,’ ‘A’…”

Caller: “Sorry, how do you spell that?”

Me: *confused* “…How do you spell what?”

Caller: “Effasinfrank.”

Related:
D As In Duh

Two Oblongs Don’t Make A Right

, | Minnesota, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

(Note: I’m working the drive-thru.)

Coworker: “Hey, ask this next guy how his mom’s doing.”

Me: “Uh, okay…” *to customer* “Hey, how’s your mom doing?”

Customer: “She’s in f***ing jail! Thanks for asking!”

(The customer drives from the intercom to my window, pulls down his pants, shakes his butt at us, and then drives away. The next customer in line pulls up.)

Next Customer: “What the H*** was that?!”

Also seen on Not Always Working.

Adventures In The Third Dimension, Part 3

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

Customer: “I want you to take these two pages, which are one-sided, and make me copies that come out two-sided. But print a test copy of it first so I can see it.”

(I print the requested double-sided copy and hand it to the customer. He stares at it for several seconds in silence.)

Customer: “Well, that’s great and all, but what about the other side?”

Me: “Uh, turn the paper over?”

Customer: “OH!”

Related:
Adventures In The Third Dimension, Part 2
Adventures In The Third Dimension

Getting Burned Can Be A Pain In The Butt

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Health & Body

(It is a very windy day during summer, and a power line has blown over in the field behind our store.)

Me: “Hello, [pharmacy] how may I help you?”

Customer: “I need to see if you have [hemorrhoid cream] in stock.”

Me: “Alright, let me check…”

(At this point, I put him on hold to check our stock when a fireman walks in. He tells us they are evacuating all the buildings in the area, and that we have 5 minutes to get out. I go back to pick up the phone so the customer isn’t on hold forever.)

Me: “Sir, we do have it in stock. However, I can’t help you right now. I’m being told to evacuate the building.”

Customer: “Does it have aloe vera in it?”

Me: “I don’t know. As I said, I need to hang up. Please call back tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can you see if you can order it for me?”

Me: “Sir, there is a field fire right behind the pharmacy and I really can’t answer your questions right now. I was told by the fire department to evacuate. Please, call back another time.”

Customer: “Well, fine then. I’ll just get it somewhere else!” *hangs up*

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