Making A Whole Lot Of Noise About It

| Champaign, IL, USA | Right | January 8, 2014

(I am calling a room as I’ve had an ‘unusual’ noise complaint. Normally, because of being the overnight shift, I would investigate in person. Given the nature of the complaint I’ve decided to use the hotel phone and call the room. After several minutes, a guest finally answers.)

Guest: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir. This is the front desk. We—”

Guest: “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT TIME IT IS? HOW ABOUT A LITTLE PRIVACY? OR IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?”

(The guest continues rant for about a minute before winding down.)

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry about the inconvenience but we have a noise complaint near your room. The… ah, ‘sex noises,’ grunting and moaning, that have been going on for over 30 minutes are keeping other guests up. They are asking you to keep the sex down so they can sleep.”

(There is eight seconds of dead silence.)

Me: “Sir, are you still there?”

Guest: *click*

(We did not receive another noise complaint!)

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That’s What You Get When You’re A Law Unto Yourself

| FL, USA | Right | January 8, 2014

(As part of a college class we had to go to observe some criminal court proceedings. We attend a hearing where a private defense attorney is being incredibly rude to the prosecutor, who is a quiet, unassuming-looking middle-aged woman. At one point, he even calls her stupid. The prosecutor just ignores him. At end we get to ask some of the attorneys some questions, the rude defense attorney included.)

Defense Attorney: “Hey. What’d you think?”

Student #1: “You were a little rude.”

Defense Attorney: “That’s just how you’ve got to be. Anyway, I’ve got nothing to worry about! I’m up against a kindergarten teacher!”

Student #2: “Are you new here?”

Defense Attorney: “Yeah, I just transferred from a firm in [other state].”

Student #1: “Oh.” *we all look at each other*

Student #2: “Have you heard of [high-profile murder case that resulted in a conviction]?”

Defense Attorney: “Yeah.”

Student #2: “Well, the prosecutor you were being rude to was the lead prosecutor in that case. We came here specifically to observe her.”

Defense Attorney: *blushes* “Oh…”

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This Patron Has A Drinking Problem

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | January 8, 2014

(I work at the circulation desk at a small academic library.)

Patron: *very red-faced* “Um, can you do something?”

Me: “…about?”

Patron: “There’s a woman in the computer lab and she… um…”

(My coworker and I finally manage to get it out of the stammering, embarrassed man that a woman apparently has breastfed her infant and forgot to ‘tuck herself back in’ after the infant was finished eating.)

Coworker: “Oh, boy. You want this one?”

Me: “Got it.”

(I walk up to the woman and lean down quietly to her ear.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we don’t allow open-drink containers in the library.”

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We Must Be Closed

| Right | January 8, 2014

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Does Not Know Who He Is

| Right | January 8, 2014

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