A Price For The Devil To Pay, Part 3

| Ocean, NJ, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(It’s Friday the 13th. I’m ringing up some college-age students.)

Me: “Your total is $6.66.”

Customer: “Oh, no! And it’s Friday the 13th!”

Me: “No, no. It’s okay! You’re getting rid of the six sixty-six, not accepting it. It’d only be bad luck if you were getting it as change.”

Customer: *looking very relieved* “Okay… That sounds right. But what about you?”

Me: “I’ll be okay. It sounds strange, but 13 is actually a lucky number for me.”

(I ring her up and move on to her friend. By sheer chance, the total is $13.34, and I immediately see where this is going when she hands me a $20 bill.)

Me: “Uh. Your change is… $6.66.”

(She looked very uncomfortable as she took her change, and her friends teased her all the way out the door.)

 

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In Need Of Some Self-Consolation

| MI, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I own a hobby game and used video game store wherein discussion of games, systems, merits, and issues is common. A pair of guys, each with their girlfriends, are in. The girls aren’t gamers but are having fun. The guys are acting like they know what they’re talking about but clearly don’t. I tolerate it for a bit before one of them is an a** toward the young woman he’s with.)

Woman: *looking at display boxes* “Which one’s better? Xbox or Playstation?”

Guy: *over-dramatically, condescendingly, with zero sarcasm* “WELL! THE PLAYSTATION OBVIOUSLY!”

Me: *less than thrilled with the condescending tone toward a legitimate question from a non-gamer* “Well, each of them have their merits.”

Guy: “Yeah, well, the Playstation is the best one! It kicks the XBox’s a**!”

Me: “It’s technically the more powerful, but people are pretty happy with the XBox’s network, especially after the Playstation network was hacked.”

Guy: “Oh yeah? Well, nobody can hack me! Someone hacks me, know what I’d do to them?”

Me: “No, they’d didn’t hack the users. They got into the network, credit cards, and accounts. Stuff like that.”

Guy: “No. You know what I’d do to them? I’d hack them back! I’d send them a Trojan horse virus!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah, I’d send them a Trojan horse virus that’ll set their computer on fire!”

Me: “O…kay?”

Guy: “Yeah. I got these two Trojan horse viruses, see. One that’ll totally wipe them out and if that doesn’t work, the other one will set their computer on fire! You know something? That virus is illegal in all 50 states except one. Michigan. And you know who wrote it? I did.”

Me: “O…kay. Right then.” *goes back to working counter*

Guy: *a little while later* “You know what I hate? People who act like they’re better than you. Like they know more than they think you do. I know stuff. I got a nursing degree from Washington State Community College!”

Me: “Yup. Sure thing…”

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Double Blush

| AZ, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I’m working near the fitting rooms in a department store one afternoon when an older lady approaches me.)

Older Lady: “Hello, dear!”

Me: “Hello! Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Older Lady: “I was just wondering, dear: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Oh! Yes, I do.”

Older Lady: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush.”

Me: “Aww, thank you!”

(With a smile on her face, the older lady leaves. I wish her a nice day as she goes. Just a few seconds later, a completely different older lady appears out from between the clothes racks. She looks rather excited.)

Older Lady #2: “Oh, hello there, sweetie! I was just wondering: do you have naturally rosy cheeks?”

Me: “Um… Yes? Yes, I do.”

Older Lady #2: “Oh, you’re so lucky! That means you don’t have to wear blush!”

Me: “…”

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Put Them On The Wailing List

| CT, USA | Right | February 13, 2014

(I work in a call center as a sales agent for a local insurance agency.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name] and I’m a licensed insurance agent. I see here that you’re calling in to get a quote.”

Customer: “I certainly am not! I keep getting all you god-d*** junk mail and I want it to stop! I don’t want your stupid insurance!”

Me: “Well, I’m so sorry about that, sir. I can definitely understand how frustrating it is to have a mailbox full of junk mail. Can I have your last name, state, and zip code?”

Customer: “What the f*** do you need that for? I’m not giving you ANYTHING! Just take me off your d*** mailing list!”

Me: “Sir, in order to remove you from our mailing list, I need to find the file we’ve opened for you so we know WHERE to stop sending the mail.”

Customer: “No, you don’t! This is ridiculous! Just take me off the f****** list!”

Me: “Again, sir, I can’t stop sending mail to your address unless I actually have it and I can’t find any of your information without your last name, your state, and your zip code.”

Customer: “F*** you!” *click*

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A Feint Complaint

| London, England, UK | Right | February 13, 2014

(We’ve been really busy lately. Senior management won’t approve any extra staff, so we’ve been getting a lot of abuse from customers. Because most of them want to complain about the wait before letting us get on with fixing the problem, this just puts our wait times up further.)

Me: “I understand completely, sir. You’re right. I don’t think this is at all acceptable. I’ve been quite happy working here for the last few years, but I’m now looking for other jobs. I would, frankly, be delighted if you would put in a formal complaint to our senior management about this, because I assure you, all we want to do is fix our users issues, and instead we’re wasting a lot of our time trying to calm people down about the wait. None of us are being allowed holiday requests, we often don’t get our breaks, most of us are coming in when we’re ill, and we’re all doing overtime,. The management won’t approve any extra staff because while customers are quite happy to yell at us about it – people who, let’s be realistic, can do NOTHING about the situation – nobody seems to want to complain officially so that something might be done. About the only thing I can think of to say that might improve how you feel about the wait times is that at least you don’t work here.”

(After a brief silence, the caller outlines the problem.)

Me: “Right, so you’re having the issue mentioned on our recorded message which tells you to download the patch from our web site. I take it you’ve done so and it hasn’t resolved the issue?”

Caller: “No. They just put those messages on to get people off the phones. They never change. It’s always ‘download the patch’!”

Me: “Well, you’re right about that in a way, yes. We put those messages on so that people who have the issue mentioned don’t have to wait in a queue to be told they need to install the patch, and thereby increase the wait time for our other customers with issues that take more investigation. I assure you, the messages are changed regularly to reflect the current situation.”

Caller: “What do you know about the messages? You don’t have to listen to them!”

Me: “Actually, I do. I call every line to ensure that the message is clear right after I record them, which, incidentally, was on my lunch break yesterday. I’m surprised you don’t recognise my voice, as you’ve been listening to me for the last hour.”

(Unfortunately, the caller still didn’t put in a complaint, and we still don’t have any more staff.)

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