Don’t Forget To Stock Up On Salmon Cartridges

| Hagerstown, MD, USA | Technology

(A customer is sent back to my department to find ink for her printer.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Do you need black or color?”

Customer: “I need cayenne.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know which color you mean. We have cyan; that’s a light blue.”

Customer: “No, I need cayenne. You know, like a peppery red.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t believe we have that color.”

(The customer bends over to get a closer look at the ink.)

Customer: “Hmmm, margarine.” *looking at the magenta* “Yellow…I don’t see cayenne.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean cyan? It kinda sounds like cayenne.”

Customer: “No, I need red. My printer is out of red. Why wouldn’t you carry red ink?!” *walks out of the store before I can explain further*

Questionable Questioning

| England, UK | Language & Words

(I am in the concessions stand selling nachos.)

Me: “Do you want jalapeños?”

Customer: “Yes! Why is jalapeños pronounced like it has an ‘h’ in the beginning?”

Me: “I believe it’s a Spanish word.”

Customer: *indignant* “Well, I don’t really care.”

Size Matters, Part 7

| Chicago, IL, USA | Family & Kids

Small child: “Mommy! I just saw a fish that was as big as Aunt Karen!”

Mom: “There is NO fish that’s as big as Aunt Karen.”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Piercing Puerility

| Connecticut, USA | Health & Body

Customer: “How do I know my nose ring goes all the way through my nose?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “Well, I can’t see it, so that must mean that it doesn’t go all the way through my nose.”

Me: “Your nose ring goes all the way through your nostril.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it.”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t go all the way through my nose!”

Me: “The word ‘pierce’ means that it goes all the way through your nostril. It wouldn’t be pierced if it didn’t go all the way through.”

Customer: “But I can’t see it!”

Me: “You’re not supposed to see it. Unless you get a hoop, you’re not going to see it.”

Customer: *leaves*

¿Cómo se dice “Anger Issues”?

| Houston, TX, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Habla español?”

Me: “No habla español.”

Customer: “You just did.”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “You just spoke f***ing Spanish. You’re a f***ing liar!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I only speak a few phrases in Spanish. I’d be happy to find an associate that speaks Spanish to further help you.”

Customer: “You’re a f***ing racist! I speak perfect english!” *storms off*

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