Throwing Around Bags Of Blame

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(I am ringing up an older customer—Customer #1—who has always been a bit difficult. I have a line and am trying to get it down as much as possible. The customer forgets her bag, so I put it aside in case she comes back—which she does. By now, I am serving a second customer.)

Customer #1: “Did I leave a bag here?”

Me: “Yeah, I have it right here for you.”

Customer #1: “It’s your fault I left it here!”

Me: “Oh? How is that?”

Customer #1: “You were too busy and didn’t tell me how many bags I had! It’s all your fault! This is horrible customer service! I won’t be back!”

(Fortunately, Customer #2 speaks up in my defense.)

Customer #2: “How exactly is it your fault that she forgot something?”

Me: *sarcastic* “Not sure. It’s obvious she’s never forgotten one before…”

The Puerile And The Frog

| USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I have a large collection of plants at my workplace, including a terrarium. I hear someone taking the lid off of it. When I look over, there are two customers rooting through it.)

Me: “Please don’t dig through that.”

Customer: “Huh?”

Me: “Don’t touch that. Those are all real plants, and that jar is glass. I don’t want it to break.”

Customer: “Is there a snake in there?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: “D***! A frog?”

Me: “No. Just plants. Please put the lid back on.”

Customer: “There should be a frog. I wanted to let it loose in here!”

He Is Out-Dated

| Scotland, UK | Love/Romance, Rude & Risque

(I work in a call centre for a bank, and one of the security questions we use to verify cardholder identity is a memorable date. Some people try to get clever with you. I generally give them no reaction at all and just ask a different security question.)

Me: “Can I ask you to confirm your memorable date there for me sir?”

Customer: “Ah yes, June 9th, 1979. I met this lovely blonde woman in a bar in Soho, absolutely beautiful. She drank cocktails and we went back to mine and the things she could do kiddo, you could only imag—oh wait memorable date? Oh s***, I thought you meant…”

Me: “Ha, that’s alright, sir; do you have it there?”

Customer: “What’s your memorable date? You sound nice; you must have one.”

Me: “My boyfriend surprised me with a trip to Paris for my birthday last year. That was pretty memorable I guess.”

Customer: “Jeez, your generation sucks. Paris!? You can’t beat a roll in the hay in the back of a third hand car in Charing Cross. I’d show you that!”

Me: “Okaaaaaaay anyway, moving on.”