Doesn’t Have Cold Feet About Sharing

| London, England, UK | Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a rather high-end furniture and house-ware store. I’m helping a well-dressed, well-spoken lady in her fifties choose some items from the basement floor.)

Customer: “I’m sorry I have to walk so slowly. You know, I had some major foot surgery done just last month and have not entirely recovered yet.”

Me: “Not a problem at all. I must say you’re doing wonderfully well. In fact, I would have never guessed if you didn’t tell me.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s getting better now, but I was in such pain for the first few days; I’m telling you.”

Me: “Well, I sure hope you’ll be alright soon. There, I’ll carry that for you, at least.”

(We make our way back upstairs, where the tills are located. I’m carrying her items, and we’re making small talk throughout. I ring her up and hand her the carrier bag and receipt.)

Customer: “Yes, I was telling you about my feet. I have some pictures; let me show you…”

(Before I can think of a reply, she leans over the counter and proceeds to show me several photos of her feet covered in angry septic sores.)

Me: “Well… that sure looks bad. I’m glad it’s all sorted now.”

Customer: “Terrible, isn’t it? So much pus, you have no idea of the smell! Absolutely rotten! Oh, well, thank you and have a nice day!”

(She leaves. My manager walks by.)

Manager: “Are you alright? What was that about?”

Me: “Never mind. Any chance I could get a late lunch-break today?”

Pulling Hair As Well As A Fast One

, | Raunds, England, UK | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m 10 years old. I am helping my father out at his takeaway, being the ‘cashier’. We are Asian. A white customer in her thirties walks in, and orders some food. I call my dad’s friend to make it, and he does. He brings it out and leaves.)

Me: “Okay, miss, that will be £30.00.”

Customer: “What? Oh no, darling; I’m the old owner’s daughter! I get my food for free!”

Me: “£30.00.”

Customer: “FREE. Give me my food for free, sweetheart.”

Me: “Please pay £30.00.”

Customer: “Dearie, I get it for free. My father—bless him, he’s 60 now—is the owner, and lets me have it for free! Give it to me!”

Me: “I don’t believe my father is 60; he is only 40. And we are Asian; you are a White person. Now, please pay for your food, or I will be forced to call the police.”

Customer: “You cheeky lying little brat!”

(She grabs my hair, and pulls hard.)

Customer: “Give me my free food now! Or I’ll spank your bum so hard you will die! You’re just a worthless teenager trying to earn money you don’t deserve!”

Me: “Daddy! Daddy! A lady’s got my hair, and she says you’re her daddy, and, and, gets f-food for free!”

(My dad runs in.)

Dad: “Stop! She’s only 10! You’re hurting her! I will call the police!”

(The customer goes pale, and runs out the door. I’ve not been back there in two years.)

No Port For The Harbor

| Port Charlotte, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I dropped my phone in the water while I was on the boat this weekend, and I want to retrieve my pictures off of it. Can you do that?”

Me: “Sure we can.”

(I wait to see phone.)

Me: “Where is it?”

Customer: “At the bottom of the harbor; you can still get my pictures, right?”