Our Aim…

| Right | October 21, 2013

X Rules of the toilet

Focusing On The Wrong Kind Of Cup Size

| OH, USA | Right | October 21, 2013

(I am a female in my early twenties, the only female working this particular shift with three burly male coworkers. I am on the front register taking orders and money, when a customer walks in. He is a sloppily-dressed old man.)

Me: “Hi there! How are you?”

Customer: “I’m doin’ great, sweetie. How ’bout you get me a big cup of coffee?”

Me: “Sounds great. Do you need any room for cream in there, sir?”

Customer: “I got some cream for ya!”

(He winks lewdly at me. I try to shake it off.)

Me: “Alright, here is your coffee. Anything else for you, sir?”

Customer: “Nope. What’s my total so you can ring me up?”

(The customer seems oddly eager to pay. I give him his total and he hands me a very worn credit card. I try to swipe through our machine once or twice before determining its magnetic strip is too worn to be read. I am about to start typing in the numbers, when he interrupts me, looking very flushed and excited.)

Customer: “No, no, don’t type it in. It’ll work if you just rub it on your chest.”

(I am a little creeped out, but I wipe the card off on the bottom of my apron and give it another shot. It still won’t run through.)

Customer: “No, no, sweetie, I said it’ll work if you rub it on your chest. Actually, it’ll work best if I rub it on your chest for you.”

(At this point, I’m done. I step back from the register without another word and call for one of my coworkers, a big, burly 33-year-old man whose other job is construction. He comes over as I am walking away.)

Me: *to my coworker* “I’m going to the back because the man at the front is asking to rub things on my chest.”

(My coworker walks up to the register and looks down at the customer. He is a good foot taller than the customer.)

Coworker: “I heard you like rubbing things on people’s chests? Well, have at it.”

(My coworker leans forward just as I go into the back room. I didn’t see what happened next, but my coworker told me the customer panicked and ran out of the store without paying and without his coffee. We never saw him again!)

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Take Note Of The Note

, | NM, USA | Right | October 21, 2013

(A customer comes into the restaurant and buys a juice for $1.60 with a $20 bill. I’m a bit suspicious of people who pay small totals with much larger bills, as I had just been scammed that weekend and had to pay $19 to the store.)

Me: “Thank you, let me just get your change.”

Customer: “Wait, wait! I just found the change in my purse. Here’s $1.60.”

Me: “Okay, thank you. Here is your $20 back.”

(I stare at the bill I hand back to her for a full second before actually giving it back to her. I have to be sure I hand her a $20 bill, as that’s how the scam works.)

Customer: “Hey, you only gave me back a dollar.”

(As if to prove this, the customer waives a dollar at me.)

Me: “Ma’am, I am absolutely sure I gave you a $20 bill.”

Customer: “No you didn’t; take this dollar and give me my $20.”

Me: “Ma’am, I know I gave you a $20 bill. If you’d like I can pull this drawer right now and count it. If it’s over by $19, then it’s my mistake, but I am sure I gave you back your money.”

Customer: “No, no, I’m very busy.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; store policy is that I pull and count the drawer, so I’m going to go ahead and do that. It’ll take a few minutes if you want to take a seat.”

Customer: “No! I’m very busy. I have to get to work. I can’t wait for you. Just give me my $20.”

Me: “There are cameras watching this drawer. I cannot do that. I have to pull the drawer.”

Customer: “Well, you do that! I’ll be back later!”

(The customer ended up leaving the dollar she was waiving at me on the counter. My drawer was spot on plus the extra dollar she left. She tried to scam me and instead lost money! She never came back, of course.)

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No Vocation For Location, Part 8

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | October 21, 2013

(We have a screen with special offers on the wall. Customer #1 is reading the board as offers flash by.)

Customer #1: “Wait, Paris is in Europe?”

Customer #2: “Really? Where did you think it was? Asia?”

Customer #1: “I never really paid much attention in Geometry class.”

(Customer #2 starts laughing as Customer #1 realizes what she just said.)

Customer #1: “Yeah… didn’t pay much attention at all.”

Related:
No Vocation For Location, Part 7
No Vocation For Location, Part 6
No Vocation For Location, Part 5
No Vocation For Location, Part 4

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Obama-Careless

| Houston, TX, USA | Right | October 21, 2013

(We have a very strict policy: there are only discounts on things that are marked as such by a corporate mandate, and that’s it. I’m the only register open.)

Customer: “Hi there, I noticed this lamp has some markings on it; does it get some sort of damage discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; everything is priced as marked. It’s not something I or even the manager can change.”

Customer: “Really? That’s lousy, but okay.”

(The customer leaves, and comes back with a new lamp.)

Customer: “I’ve got a question for you. Is it alright if I use your employee discount?”

Me: “…I’m sorry, sir; I’m not allowed to use my discount while I’m on duty.”

Customer: “What if I told you I’m related to Barack Obama? Would you give me a discount then?”

Me: “No, you would still have to pay full price.”

Customer: “You’re telling me the President of these United States of America can’t even get a discount?!”

Me: “I’m afraid [store] views everyone as equals, so no.”

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