Have A Nice Day!

| Right | February 7, 2014

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Channeling Good Customer Service

| MI, USA | Right | February 7, 2014

(I’m the bad guy in this one. I enjoy messing with telemarketers and wasting their time. Most telemarketers aren’t allowed to hang up on you. They’re required to give the whole spiel, regardless of what you say or don’t say, and wait for an answer.)

Caller: “Good afternoon, Mr. [My Name]. My name is [Name], and I’m calling from [Telephone Company]. How are you today?”

Me: “Please hold.”

(I place the handset down in front of the television, which is turned to a 24-hour news station, and I walk away. Ten minutes later, I come back to hang up the handset, and notice that the line is still live. I can hear the telemarketer on the other end talking to a coworker.)

Caller: “…apparently we still have troops in Afghanistan. And Kim Kardashian is pregnant. Hang on. I hear breathing! Mr. [My Name], are you there?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Mr. [My Name] isn’t available. Can I take a message?”

Caller: “Sure. Tell him to set the TV to Comedy Central next time I call. You have a nice day.”

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Up In The Air About It

| New York, NY, USA | Right | February 7, 2014

(I’m filling in as receptionist at a firm where I’ve never worked before.)

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes. Someone called me from there.”

Me: “Okay. Do you know the name of the person who called?”

Caller: “Um… I think it was [first name]?”

Me: “Do you have a last name?”

Caller: “No. Why did she call me?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but I’ve found her name, so I’ll transfer you to her.”

Caller: “NO. I want you to tell me. Why did she call me?”

Me: “I’m not sure, but if I could transfer you over, I’m sure she’ll be able to tell you.”

Caller: “But I’m in the airport.”

Me: “Okay. Should she call you back later?”

Caller: “No. Why did she call me? Is it a job offer? I’m not looking for a job. I’m just starting a new job.”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure why she called. But I could transfer you to her—”

Caller: “NO! I’M AT THE AIRPORT WAITING TO GET ON AN AIRPLANE, SO I CAN’T TALK RIGHT NOW. WHAT DOES THIS COMPANY EVEN DO? WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?”

Me: “Well, I didn’t call you. But if you’ll just let me transfer you over, I’m sure she can explain why she called.”

Caller: “WHY DON’T YOU KNOW WHAT THE COMPANY DOES?! WHY CAN’T YOU TELL ME WHY SHE CALLED?! I’M IN AN AIRPORT! I DON’T HAVE TIME TO TALK! WHY DID SHE CALL ME?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I just don’t know why she called you. But if I could just transfer you.—”

Caller: “I’M IN AN AIRPORT!” *click*

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Towering Ignorance

| NY, USA | Right | February 7, 2014

(I work in tech support for cell phones. A coworker is having a conversation with a customer whose phone isn’t working.)

Agent: “Okay! Have you tried checking out the settings on your phone? You may have turned those services off.”

Customer: “No, I didn’t. Definitely didn’t do that.”

Agent: “Hmm, I see! Well, you could always give our customer service department a quick call to see if something is up! How’s that sound?”

Customer: “I’m at my cousin’s house and the elevation is very high so I made sure to turn ‘airplane mode’ on. It’s pissing me off that this isn’t working.”

Agent: “Oh! Airplane mode is actually going to disable your phone from using those features. Take that off for me, please, and try again.”

Customer: “Wow! Do you think I’m going to be fooled like that? You’re lying. How do people talk to each other on airplanes? DUH! Sucks when I know more than an employee…”

Agent: “I’m not entirely sure what you mean. Could you elaborate, please? ”

Customer: “Uhm, wow. I can’t believe I’m doing this: Airplane mode is for when you need to call someone while up high in the air to connect to satellites and stuff rather than towers. How do you think pilots and astronauts contact ground control? You’re a complete idiot. Goodbye.”

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Freedom Isn’t Free

| OH, USA | Right | February 7, 2014

(I work at a wholesale club and every few months we give out free 90 day trials in lieu of paying for a membership. I have just finished explaining our offer to a customer.)

Me: “So, did you want to try our paid membership or just get the 90 day free trial?”

Customer: “I have a question.”

Me: “Okay. What’s your question?”

Customer: “This is completely free?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “So, you mean to tell me that for 90 days I can come in here, and get anything I want for free?”

(I pause and look at them for a second, and I ask her to repeat her question, which she does.)

Me: “Ma’am, only the membership is free. You still have to pay for the items.”

Customer: “Well, that is just false advertising. You all shouldn’t say something is free if you still have to pay for it.

(She stormed off and I sat there wondering what just happened.)

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