Preemptive Strike: Shock And Awe

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I approach a customer to see if he needs help.)

Me: “Hello!”

Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: *confused*

Placebo Me, Part 4

| Bowling Green, OH, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m at the service desk helping a few guests that come up for returns and such. A lady holding a “Lion King DVD Edition” and her receipt approaches)

Me: “Good evening, ma’am! What can I do for you tonight?”

Customer: “I need to exchange this for a DVD. I don’t want the Blu-Ray.”

(I look at the box. It is indeed the DVD version of the “Lion King” movie, as it says in bold lettering at the top “DVD EDITION”. There is a small sticker on the cover that states “Also in Blu-Ray Combo Packs”)

Me: “Well, ma’am, it looks like you already have the DVD version. It says right at the top here–“

Customer: “No! I don’t want the Blu-Ray version! I called in! Give me the DVD version instead of this Blu-Ray.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, it’s just a sticker that says it’s there’s also a Blu-Ray version–“

Customer: “NO! I want the DVD version!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let me head back to the department and see if I can find the DVD version. Just give me a second.”

(I take the movie back to the department and peel back the sticker, removing it. I then go back to the desk, handing her back the movie without the sticker)

Me: “Here you are, ma’am. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “It’s about time! Thank you!”

(She leaves in a huff, grumbling about blu-ray movies.)

Placebo Me, Part 3
Placebo Me, Part 2
Placebo Me

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 5

| Maryland, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Do you have any fecal heart monitors?”

Me: “Uh…what?”

Customer: “You know, to hear the baby while it’s still in the womb?”

Me: “That would be a fetal heart monitor. Right this way…”

The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 4
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 3
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation, Part 2
The Horrors Of Mispronunciation

It’s The Secret Sauce

| Orem, UT, USA | Food & Drink

(I take to-go orders over the phone. This was a call from one of our daily customers.)

Customer: “I was also wondering if you had areola sauce?”

Me: “Um…sorry. What was that?”

Customer: “Areola sauce! Someone’s asking for it.”

Me: *trying not to laugh*

(In the background, someone yells and everyone starts laughing.)

Customer: “Oh God! Is that what I said? Well, s***. That’s definitely not what I want.”

(After nearly ten minutes of laughing and getting nowhere in their order, the phone gets passed around until someone can stop laughing long enough to talk. I gave them some free dessert for making my week.)

Papa’s Not Home

, | Niceville, FL, USA | Food & Drink

(This takes place between my manager and a customer over the phone.)

Caller: “Hey, is John there?”

Manager: “Sorry sir, this is [pizza place]. There’s no John here.”

Caller: “Stop playin’, John, we’re supposed to go to the movies soon.”

Manager: “Sir, seriously, this is [pizza place]. I think you may have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Well, crap! Do y’all have any deals?”

Manager: “Well, you can get a large 3 topping and a 2-liter for $10.60.”

Caller: “D***, that’s better than John!”

Manager: “Yes, sir, it sure is.”

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