Unsure How To Insure

| USA | Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ummm, yeah. I rented a trailer from you guys, and got the optional insurance. I didn’t have a wreck or anything. Can I get that money back”?

Me: “No, ma’am. It is insurance, not a deposit.”

Customer: “But I didn’t use it.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you have car insurance, right?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Does your car insurance company refund your premiums if you don’t have a wreck?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “So, you see, it’s insurance in case there is any damage, but it is not refundable.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. So I can get a refund, right?”

Give The Workers A (Prison) Break

, | UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

(I’m on my way home after a hockey social, dressed as a prisoner in a bright orange jumpsuit and trick handcuffs. I’m pretty hungry, so I stop for food. Inside there is a drunk man yelling at the cashiers.)

Drunk: “I said [competitor’s signature item]! This is WRONG!”

Cashier: “I told you, you’re at [place], not [competitor]!”

Drunk: “I know where I am!”

Me: “Oh, do you?”

(He turns to me, and does a double take at my outfit.)

Me: “Because I think you’re in a whole world of trouble.”

(I start advancing, cackling Joker-style.)

Drunk: “What ya gonna do, crazy b****?”

(In answer, I stretch out, making it look like I’ve just torn apart my handcuffs.)

Drunk: “Holy s***!”

(I keep approaching, cackling.)

Drunk: “Psycho b****!”

(He throws his food at me and runs. I reach the counter, and drop the act.)

Me: “Can I get a portion of nuggets, please?”

(The cashier just stares at me for a moment.)

Cashier: “Y’know, I think he was right on the crazy part. Nuggets coming right up.”

Stupidity Goes Up To Eleven

| Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “Hi, I would like two tickets for [show].”

Me: “Actually, it is [other ticket office] selling the shows in that venue.”

Customer: “So, do you have their phone number?”

Me: “Sure thing, it’s ###-###-1111.”

Customer: “Liar! You’re giving me a fake number because you don’t want me to buy tickets from your competitors!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I assure you, that really is their phone number. They don’t sell the same shows as we do, so we don’t mind if you do business with them. I give that number out many times a day.”

Customer: “That’s impossible! My phone’s dial pad stops at 9! So how can a phone number end with 11-11? You’re lying to me!”