All The News That’s Fated To Print

| New York, USA | Uncategorized

(Note: this takes place on a Friday afternoon.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I know you’re probably not supposed to do this, but can I have Sunday’s paper?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Sunday’s paper. I’d like the coupons.”

Me: “We actually don’t have any leftover—”

Customer: “Leftover? No, no. I mean this coming Sunday.”

Me: *confused* “But it’s Friday.”

Customer: “I know, but I want to get a head start!”

The Lesser Of Two Musical Evils

| Norwich, Norfolk, UK | Politics

Customer: “Can you help me? It’s my daughter’s birthday and she said she wanted a CD by some band. I can’t remember the name. I have it written down here.”

(She produces a piece of paper. On it is written the name of a popular German rock band. Note that most of this band’s songs are in German, so most of the writing on their CDs is too.)

Me: “Oh, good choice. They’re a great band. We have several of their CDs right over here.”

Customer: “Hold on. All this writing is in another language!”

Me: “Yes, madam, it’s German.”

Customer: “*horrified* “Oh, God! Not this again! This is that Nazi band she’s been listening to! I thought we’d got her out of that phase!”

Me: “Madam, I can assure you this band is not a Nazi band.”

Customer: “But they’re German!”

Me: “Madam, I happen to be a fan of this particular band myself. I can assure you they are not Nazis. One of their songs is even about how they are politically left-wing.”

Customer: *aghast* “Socialists?!”

Compliments To The Bride

| London, England, UK | Uncategorized

(I’m serving a customer and she catches sight of my engagement ring.)

Customer: “Oh my God, you’re married?”

Me: “Engaged, actually.”

Customer: “Wow, but you’re so ugly!”

The Ire Of The Irish

| Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geography

(I’m Irish and am working in the States one summer, waiting tables at an Irish pub/restaurant. I’m serving a couple in their 30s.)

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s in Europe.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re from another country! Your English is really good!”

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

, | Oregon, USA | Holidays, Top

(I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”

Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

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