When Flippers Attack

| UK | Family & Kids, Pets & Animals, Uncategorized

Child: “Mum, what’s that?” *points to dolphin skeleton*

Mother: “That’s a dolphin, dear. It eats people.”

Lieutenant Dan’s Fruit Company

| Vejle, Denmark | Spouses & Partners, Technology, Uncategorized

Caller: “It won’t stop loading! I’ve been waiting for twenty minutes and it hasn’t stopped loading yet! Help me!”

Me: “Alright, ma’am. Let’s start by refreshing the page.”

Caller: “Re… what?”

Me: “Refreshing, ma’am.”

Caller: “How do I do so?”

Me: “Which kind if computer do you have?”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Which button you have to push depends on your computer. Is it a normal PC or an Apple?”

Caller, to husband: “Honey, she’s rambling! Now she thinks we’re selling apples! How stupid does she think I am!?” *click*

You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

| Freeland, PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Uncategorized

(I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

Customer: *coughs*

(I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

Customer: *coughs again*

(There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

Customer: *loud coughing*

(I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead see her charging down the aisle at me.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”

Denomination Fascination

| New York, NY, USA | Money, Uncategorized

(Note: I am a customer, waiting in line at a bank. I overhear the following conversation between the teller and a customer and his friend.)

Customer: “I’d like to withdraw $160, please.”

Teller: “Sure, no problem. How would you like that today?”

Customer: “Umm, three fifties and a ten, please.”

Customer’s friend: “Whoa, whoa, wait a second. The bank has ten dollar bills?!”

Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

| Tempe, AZ, USA | Books & Reading, Math & Science, School, Uncategorized

(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! Humidity made the pages stick together!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

Student: “Water, duh!”

(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

Student: “Oh…can you help me find my other books, then?”