A Birthday Surprise

| Provo, UT, USA | Right | October 30, 2013

(I am serving a young couple, and it is the woman’s 29th birthday. One of our hosts, a large Polynesian man, loves to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to people by himself.)

Me: “Would you like a group of us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you, or do you want that guy to sing to you?”

Customer: “It’s okay; I’d rather not have anyone sing to me. By the way, has that table paid for their meal yet?”

(The customer points at a table nearby, where a couple with their two young children are seated.)

Me: “No, they haven’t.”

Customer: “Okay, give this to them. Don’t tell them it’s from me.”

(The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “Wow, really? That’s really generous of you, and on your birthday!”

Woman: “Yeah, I like to do something nice for someone on my birthday as a way to give back to the universe for all the crap I’ve done.”

(We ended up giving her and her boyfriend free dessert. Her incredible generosity inspired me to try to do something like that on my birthday from now on. Sometimes humans are okay!)

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Given Short Shrift At The Thrift

| Portland, OR, USA | Right | October 30, 2013

(I am shopping at a thrift store. A customer barges up to me with a dress in her hand and waves it in my face.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “No… sorry.”

Customer: “You LOOK like you work here. I can’t find this dress in a small.”

Me: “…yeah, that’s the problem with these thrift stores. Not always the right sizes.”

Customer: “Where can I find it in a small?”

Me: “I don’t know. You may have to pick another dress.”

(The customer stares at me a minute, suspiciously, as I’m going through a rack.)

Customer: “Where are the size-eight shoes?”

Me: “I don’t know. Normally they’re over there, but they just rearranged everything so I don’t know. You’ll have to ask someone who works here.”

Customer: “I need shoes to match this dress in a size eight!”

Me: “Good luck!”

Customer: “You are NO HELP AT ALL!”

(The customer flings the dress at me and storms over to the shoes. She starts scattering them all over, and demanding to the room in general that she needs a size eight. One of the poor employees ended up getting stuck with pampering her the entire time I was there.)

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Getting All Hancocked Over A Benjamin

| TX, USA | Right | October 30, 2013

(I am ringing up a customer. After I tell him his total, he decides to continue shopping. He tries to hand me a $100 bill, but I tell him to hold on to it until he’s done shopping. I watch him shove it in his pocket. A few minutes later, he comes back with a second item.)

Me: “Your total today is $32.44.”

(The customer grabs the bag and begins to walk away.)

Me: “Sir, you still need to pay for your purchase. It’s $32.44.”

Customer: “I already gave you $100!”

Me: “No, I asked you to hold on to your money until you finished shopping.”

Customer: “Nu-uh, you put it in the register.”

Me: “Sir, it’s in your right pants pocket.”

(He reaches in, pulls out the bill, and hastily shoves it back in his pocket.)

Customer: “I saw you take it! Hey everyone! This b**** stole my money!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that your money is in your pocket.”

Customer: “Nah, f*** you, b****! Give me back my money!”

(He then comes over the counter at me as I’m dialing security. I give him my ‘don’t mess with me’ glare and he backs off, but moves on to threatening the other customers, saying they were all on it and that one of them has his money. Security finally arrives and escorts him out, banning him from the premises.)

Related:
Getting All Hancocked Over A Lincoln

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Engage The Brain Before The Mouth

| Boulder, CO, USA | Right | October 30, 2013

(I am 20 years old. I work in a store that sells t-shirts and novelty items to tourists. Much of my job involves folding shirts. A customer comes up and rummages through my pile of freshly folded, random shirts, unfolding five or six of them and dropping them on the floor.)

Customer: “None of these shirts are the same, or in my size!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; these are shirts from the children’s section that I’m refolding. If you saw any you like, we have many of the same ones in adult—”

(The customer interrupts me as she spots my engagement ring.)

Customer: “What is that on your finger? You are too young to be married!”

Me: “It’s an engagement ring; my boyfriend of two years just proposed to me, but we don’t plan on getting married until after we finish college.”

Customer: “I can’t believe how you teens just throw marriage around like it’s nothing! You just get married so you can have pre-marital sex and babies out of wedlock! You should wait until you at least have a job! You should be ashamed!”

(The customer knocks down the rest of my shirt pile and storms out. A coworker has witnessed the entire exchange.)

Coworker: “I don’t think she thought about what she just said at all.”

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An Unlikely Story

| WA, Australia | Right | October 30, 2013

(I have been checking books back in that have been left on our returns desk and come across a new book that has been badly damaged by what looks to be coffee. When the patron comes back to the circulation desk, I show her the book.)

Me: “Good morning! I’ll check those out for you in just a moment. Unfortunately because this book has been damaged quite badly, we won’t be able to have it in our collection any more. The replacement cost will be [dollar amount]; are you able to pay now or should I send an invoice out?”

Patron: “Oh, it was like that when I took it out!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’d never loan something in that condition, and as it was on your membership, you are liable for the damage done to it while on loan.”

Patron: “I didn’t do it! You can’t prove I did it! It must have been the person before me! I won’t pay! It’s been like that for ages.”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a new book. We only got it last month and the only person to have it before you was I. And I can assure you, I didn’t spill coffee on this book.”

(There is a long pause.)

Patron: “Um, how much was it?”

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