This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19

| ME, USA | Money

(I am helping a customer set up service at a new address for a friend of hers. I have to collect her installation charge, first month, and a deposit upfront.)

Me: “All right, I just need the total of $123.”

(The customer hands me a $20 bill and two $10 bills.)

Customer: “There, that should cover it.”

Me: “Oh, I only have $40 here, ma’am. I need $123.”

Customer: “Yep, it should all be there!”

Me: “I’m sorry; there’s not enough here yet.”

(The customer digs into her pocket, and hands me some more cash.)

Me: “Thank you. That’s only $3 more though. I still need $80.”

Customer: *grunts* “All right, fine, but now I’m giving you my money!

Me: “Thank you, but now I still only have $46. I still need $77 more.”

Customer: “Okay, give me all the money back.”

(I hand the customer the money back, and she takes out a wad of cash. She pulls out three $20 bills, and hands them to me.)

Customer: “There! Should have it all now!”

(The customer is beaming with pride at finding what she thinks is the right amount.)

Me: “You know, I think we can just bill you for the rest of it.”

Customer: “Gah! Give the money back again!”

(I hand the money back, and the customer searches around for a moment, and hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “Great! I just need $23 more.”

(The customer hands me a $20 bill, and then stares at me.)

Me: “Good, just another $3.”

(The customer hands me three $1 bills again.)

Me: “Perfect! Here’s your receipt; we’ll see you on Friday!”

(The customer left, and I searched the office for hidden cameras.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

He Wants Coffee As Dense As He Is

| NY, USA | Food & Drink, Math & Science

Me: “Here is your coffee, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, could you add more milk to that?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Since the coffee cup is already full, I walk over to the sink to pour a little out before adding more milk.)

Customer: “Stop that! I didn’t say to pour any out!”

Me: “Sir, the cup was full. In order to add more milk, I have to pour a little coffee out.”

Customer: “You should obey what your customers tell you!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but sometimes I have to obey the laws of physics instead.”

Insulting Jitsu, And Then It Hits You

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Theme Of The Month, Top, Wild & Unruly

(I work near a campus which is currently in finals-week, so quite a few students come in early to get a pick-me-up before their exams. Five customers are in line; four regulars, followed by an impatient customer at the end. )

Impatient Customer: “Gods! Why can’t this b**** work the cash register faster? I’ve got some important things to do!”

Regular #1: “Calm down, buddy. She’s doing just fine.”

Regular #3: “Yeah. Like what you have to do is important to any of us.”

Regular #4: “Seriously. We’re all in a hurry here.”

Impatient Customer: “Yeah? Well, he’s not!”

(The impatient customer points at Regular #2.)

Impatient Customer: “I’m getting in front of him!”

(Regular #2 is very young, and looks like a college student at first glance. He also always comes in looking like he’s asleep, but gets in and out with no problem.)

Impatient Customer: “This dumb-a** probably stayed up all night cramming for his test! Stop leaving s*** until the last second dumb-a**!”

(The impatient customer starts forcing his way forward. As soon as he touches Regular #2, there is a blur of motion, and the impatient customer is flying towards a display. Another blur of motion occurs, and Regular #2 is standing in front of the display and the impatient customer is on the floor near the door instead.)

Regulars #1, #3 And #4: “What just happened?!”

Regular #2: “I didn’t want him crashing into the display and causing more work for this little lady here.”

Me: “[Regular #2’s name] has practiced martial arts since he was eight. He helps out at [local dojo I go to].”

Regular #2: *to the impatient customer* “Also, aren’t you the lead for [name] with [company name]?”

Impatient Customer: “How’d you know that?”

Regular #2: “Because I’m the developer for the product you’ve requested from [other company name]. I’m going to be so glad to tell your boss this product isn’t viable, because his lead is impossible to work with. I do hope you enjoy your wait in line, because I’m going to personally make your workday miserable.”