Checking Him In And Checking Her Out

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | October 31, 2013

(I work at a hotel that caters to a branch of a hospital. I’m a larger-chested woman, and get frequent sexual harassment from guests.)

Me: “As the hospital pays a portion of your stay, your grand total for the evening will be $44.40.”

Guest: “That’s fine; I’d like to pay in cash.”

Me: “Cash is acceptable, but we do ask that we get a credit card on file.”

Guest: “Why the f*** do you need my credit card?”

Me: “We need a credit card for incidentals or if by chance your stay is extended through the hospital.”

Guest: “What the f*** is an incidental?”

Me: “Incidentals would be damages or possible problems that may arise in the room.”

Guest: “Do I look like I’d cause a f*****g problem?”

Me: “Sir, I do not believe any of my guests would ever cause a problem; it’s just a precaution we must take. Now, I’d also ask that you refrain from using the f-word in the lobby.”

Guest: “Listen, tits—”

Me: “Sir, I kindly ask that you refrain from the vulgarities.”

Guest: “You said I couldn’t say f***. You didn’t say nothin’ about tits!”

Me: “That is a derogatory term in reference to my physical appearance. I will ask that you do not use that type of language in my lobby, or I will be forced to call the hospital and they will move you to a different establishment for the remainder of your stay.”

Guest: “FIRST YOU TELL ME I HAVE TO USE A CREDIT CARD WHEN I F****** SAID I WAS PAYING CASH, AND NOW YOU’RE DENYING MY FREE SPEECH. DO YOU KNOW WHO OUR PRESIDENT IS, WHITE B****?!”

Me: “Sir, I’ve asked you multiple times to correct your language and because of that last comment, you’ve now forced me to call the hospital as you are not welcome at our establishment.”

Guest: “Whoa, whoa, whoa, sweet-cakes. I was just trying to make you angry. I love the way your boobs bounce when you get flustered and hold back.”

(At that point my manager stepped in and told him to leave without even calling the hospital. Sick or not, no one has an excuse to openly sexually harass someone just trying to do their job.)

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The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments, Part 2

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | October 31, 2013

(I am queuing for my meal at a diner. I am a huge ‘Doctor Who’ fan. I am looking at an annual from the old series (1963 – 1989) when the customer behind me in the queue looks over at me.)

Customer: “Hey! Why are you reading that bulls***?”

Me: “It’s not bulls***.”

Customer: “It is! That thing’s evil! It lies about how the universe was made! It says the universe has more than humans!”

Me: *annoyed* “Look, if you want to be b****y, then push off.”

(I see the customer leave, and I get my meal, thinking nothing more about it. Then the customer gets the seating next to me. I’m about to get away when she comes near, but she gestures to stop.)

Customer: “Listen, I’m sorry I was like that. It’s just that I’ve had a bad history with the show.”

Me: “What happened?”

Customer: “How old are you?”

Me: “20.”

Customer: “When I was a few years younger than you, I watched that show like anything. I absolutely loved it. But my parents are members of [really religious group], and said it was against our belief. I kept telling them I didn’t care what they said; I liked the show and I know this sounds silly, but I loved The Doctor. He actually did look good then. But my mom threw the television out the window and shouted at me. So I get memories whenever I see it.”

Me: “I am SO sorry! Listen, I’m really sorry I did that. If you want, I can give you the annual. You’ve missed out a LOT.”

Customer: “I don’t know about anything that happened in the last 30 years on the show. My parents even told me I was being a stupid lovesick girl. Well, they’re in the old people home now, so I don’t care.”

(I proceed to tell her most of what I know, and give her an address for a shop of old show memorabilia. I’m just happy someone can overcome their problems.)

Related:
The Ten Doctors Versus The Ten Commandments

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Go To A Bar

| Right | October 30, 2013

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Beer After Work…

| Right | October 30, 2013

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A Birthday Surprise

| Provo, UT, USA | Right | October 30, 2013

(I am serving a young couple, and it is the woman’s 29th birthday. One of our hosts, a large Polynesian man, loves to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to people by himself.)

Me: “Would you like a group of us to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you, or do you want that guy to sing to you?”

Customer: “It’s okay; I’d rather not have anyone sing to me. By the way, has that table paid for their meal yet?”

(The customer points at a table nearby, where a couple with their two young children are seated.)

Me: “No, they haven’t.”

Customer: “Okay, give this to them. Don’t tell them it’s from me.”

(The customer hands me a $100 bill.)

Me: “Wow, really? That’s really generous of you, and on your birthday!”

Woman: “Yeah, I like to do something nice for someone on my birthday as a way to give back to the universe for all the crap I’ve done.”

(We ended up giving her and her boyfriend free dessert. Her incredible generosity inspired me to try to do something like that on my birthday from now on. Sometimes humans are okay!)

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