Jeepers Creepers

| Retail | Oklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

(A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

(She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)

In Need Of A Four-Letter Word

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Money

Customer: “I forgot my account number; can you look it up?”

Me: “Sure. Just tell me how to spell your last name.”

Customer: *gives me a five-letter name*

Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not working. Are you sure it’s spelled [spells out loud]?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “I’m sorry; still nothing’s coming up. Are you certain you have an account here?”

Customer: “Yes, I just made a deposit yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sure it’s just something simple; perhaps I’ve spelled your name wrong. Can I see your ID?”

(The customer hands me their ID, at which point I see that the last name is nine letters long.)

Me: “You’ve only been giving me the first five letters of your last name.”

Customer: “What, you need my whole name?”

Silent Running

| Hampshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

(A regular comes in every day for cigarettes. I am always a polite and friendly cashier, who asks how the customers are.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

Customer: “How are you today? How am I today? How am I today? Every day you ask this, and you really don’t care how I am, so in future don’t ask; just give me my cigarettes!”

Me: “Oh, err… okay…”

Customer: “That’s better. You remember that now!”

Me: “I will…”

(From that day on, every day when he comes and buys his cigarettes, everything is done in total silence.)