You’d Need Nine Mouths

| Allentown, PA, USA | Holidays, Religion

(A customer walking by pauses at the holiday clearance display, where I am standing.)

Customer: “Is this a musical instrument?”

Me: “No, that’s a menorah.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “A menorah. The candleholder used in the celebration of Hanukkah.”

Customer: “Do you know how to play it?”

Never Bend To Suggestions

| Moose Jaw, SK, Canada | Food & Drink

(I am working the drive-thru at a popular fast-food restaurant. The current employee initiative is to suggest hot beverages to customers.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [restaurant]. Would you like to try a hot chocolate?”

Customer: “No, no, no, no, NO. NO. NO.”

Me: “Okay. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “All right, I’ll have a hot chocolate.”

Gift Cards, Derp, Derpa, Gift Cards

| Medford, OR, USA | Money

(The phone rings and it is a customer wanting to know about gift cards. We are running a promotion where if you buy $100, you get a $25 bonus card.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Caller: “Are you doing something with gift cards?”

Me: “Yes.”

(I explain the promotion.)

Caller: “How much is a good amount for two people to eat?”

Me: “A $50 gift card would probably cover two people.”

Caller: “Well, I need to buy them for two separate couples, so I will need $400 in gift cards. What do I get?”

Me: *ignoring the incorrect math* “You would get four $25 bonus cards.”

Caller: “What?”

Me: “For every $100 you spend, you get an extra $25 dollar gift card.”

Caller: “For what? What do I do?”

Me: “What is your question exactly?”

Caller: “I don’t know! You’re the one who said something about gift cards!”

I Think We’ve Found The Grinch

| Stayton, OR, USA | Bizarre

(I am a courtesy clerk and volunteered to work on Christmas. While getting the carts from the parking lot, a man who is in his mid-20s is exiting to the store.)

Me: “Happy holidays, sir.”

Customer: *turns his head, flashes an evil grin, laughs maniacally, and continues walking to the car*

Coworker: “I’m scared for you.”

If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense, Part 2

| Michigan, USA | Money

Customer: “Can I have a pack of [brand] cigarettes?”

Me: “Sure, that’s $5.51.”

Customer: “Are these the dollar-off ones?”

(I look behind me. There are no dollar-off deals right now.)

Me: “No, sorry, there’s no sale on that kind.”

Customer: “That sign says ‘Save 30 cents on two packs.'”

Me: “Yeah, but you have to buy two packs.”

Customer: “Then will I save a dollar?”

Me: “No, you’d save thirty cents.”

Customer: “Why wouldn’t I save a dollar?”

Me: “Because the sale is for thirty cents?”

Customer: “Oh, okay…”

If It Don’t Make Dollars, It Don’t Make Sense

Page 1,810/2,948First...1,8081,8091,8101,8111,812...Last