America’s Favorite Pastime

| Bloomington, IN, USA | School

(I’m a leasing agent for a local management company. A large percentage of our leasees are college students. I am showing a home to 5 students. On the second floor, there are two bathrooms back to back.)

Me: “Here’s the 2nd bathroom.”

Student: “Can we knock the wall down between the two bathrooms?”

Me: “Um, no. I can tell you now that the owner will not do that.”

Student: “Aww, come on. You should at least ask!”

Me: “Why do you want to knock down the wall anyway?”

Student: “So we can do GROUP POOP!”

Rare, Medium, And Free

| Covington, LA, USA | Food & Drink

(This occurs on a very slow day. I’m the only person working the cafeteria and register.)

Customer: “I finally found a decent meal down here!”

(She proceeds to show me her tray. It consists of various food items and drinks, one if which is a burnt pork chop. I ring her up anyway, as the customers serve themselves.)

Customer: *looking at the receipt* “You charged me $1.90 for that pork chop?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. That’s the price of the pork chops.”

Customer: “But it’s burnt.”

Me: “If you don’t want that one, you can pick another.”

Customer: “No, I wanted it burnt. I like my pork chops cooked really well. Can’t you give it to me for free?”

Me: “You want a free pork chop because it’s burnt, but you wanted it burnt?”

Customer: “I told you, I like my pork chops burnt!”

Me: “Yeah, I can’t not charge you for the food if you’re still going to eat it.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! This cafeteria is just trying to rip us all off!”

Judge Me Not By The Color Of My Liquor

| Manchester, UK | Food & Drink

Customer: “Could I have a vodka and lemonade, and a whisky and cola?

Me: “Yes, sir, coming right up!”

(I make the drinks and place them in front of him.)

Me: “Anything else?”

Customer: “No, thanks, but which one is which?”

Size Matters, Part 3

| Visalia, CA, USA | Uncategorized

(I am mopping by our slushie machines when a man approaches me with an empty cup.)

Customer: *holds up our biggest cup size* “Is this a medium?”

Me: “No, that’s an extra-large. This one is the medium.” *shows him medium cup*

Customer: “Oh.”

(The man pulls out a large, which is clearly larger than the medium.)

Customer: “So, is this a small?”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

Make Benefit Glorious Sunshinestan

| Maine, USA | Geography

(I work for a popular cell phone company in general care. I am answering questions about a woman’s international charges.)

Customer: “I don’t get why you are billing me for international!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, since you do not have an international plan, you get charged per minute for calls internationally.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! Why don’t you charge me for calls to Florida?”

Me: “Florida isn’t international, ma’am. That’s a part of the United States.”

Related:
Make Benefit Glorious Guestlogisticstan
The Great State Of Confusion, Part 2
The Great State Of Confusion
The Great State Of Ignorance

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