Only Vowed To Commit Murder

| Right | February 25, 2014

funny-work-tired-commit-murder1

Can’t Hear You Over Your Colon

| MI, USA | Right | February 25, 2014

(I’m in the waiting room of the endoscopy center, waiting for my grandma to come out from her colonoscopy. A nurse opens the door and reads aloud from a chart.)

Nurse: “Theodore?”

Old Man: “Yes?”

Nurse: “Okay, so you’re Theodore?”

Old Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

Nurse: “And you’re here for a colonoscopy today, correct?”

Old Man: “What?!”

Nurse: “A… colonoscopy?”

Old Man: “NO! My WIFE is!”

Nurse: “Oh. You’re not Theodore?”

Old Man: “You said PETER, so I answered you!”

Nurse: “… Okay, then. Is Theodore here?”

(An old man walks from the back of the waiting room.)

Theodore: “I’m sorry. I heard him answer, so I assumed another Theodore was ahead of me.”

Peter: “Well, I know one thing. I am not deaf, and she definitely said Peter first.”

Theodore: “Well, I am deaf, and she said Theodore. You may need your hearing checked, sir.”

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Demands Are In The Clouds

| Australia | Right | February 25, 2014

Customer: “I would like to send a pallet on an overnight service.”

Me: “That’s not a problem, sir; we can pick that up this afternoon.”

Customer: “I want it to go on the airplane.”

Me: “Sorry, sir. Due to the size of the item it will be traveling on the truck, but it will still get there for delivery tomorrow.”

Customer: “No. I want an air service, not road!”

Me: “Sir, we provide an overnight and off peak service. How it gets there is irrelevant. Your item will still be received tomorrow.”

Customer: “NO, I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

Me: “Sir, your item will not physically fit on the small aircraft we use, but it will have no problems getting to its destination overnight by road.”

Customer: “NO, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

Me: “Sir, it WILL get there tomorrow. It will just be traveling by truck. Like I said before, we supply an overnight service. It gets there however it can for next day delivery.”

Customer: “BUT I WANT IT TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE SO IT GETS DELIVERED TOMORROW!”

Me: *head desk*

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Past The Point Of No Return, Part 5

| Columbus, OH, USA | Right | February 25, 2014

(I am working the returns desk. If a customer returns too many times under an ID instead of a receipt, it blocks them in our return system. To help out someone who just wants to use an ID, I warn them about what may happen and try to find the receipt in my computer first. A customer walks in with some closet doors to return.)

Me: “Hello. Do you have your receipt or the card you may have paid with?”

Customer: “No, just use my ID.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me to try and find it? If you use your ID too many times it will block you.”

Customer: *suddenly very angry* “Look! I am a contractor and I am registered with your corporate as a contractor, so I can make as many ID returns I want! So why don’t you just shut up and do your d*** job, or is your job too hard?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I was just trying to help out. I wasn’t aware you were a contractor and were registered with corporate.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t need your f****** help. Do your d*** job, you stupid idiot. I buy from here all the time and have never been treated so rudely!”

Me: “I AM doing my job, sir, by informing you of some policy you may not have known about. I also politely request you watch your language. You are in a public place and are being very rude to me and the people around you.”

Customer: “I will be rude to who ever I f****** want. I just want you to know you have completely ruined by whole day!” *starts storming off*

Me: *in the most polite voice I can muster* “Well, I hope the rest of your day is fantastic, sir!”

Customer: *flips me the bird* “F*** YOU!”

 

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No Plaice For A Jedi

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | February 25, 2014

(I have just placed an order at a fish ‘n’ chips restaurant.)

Cashier: “Okay, here’s your receipt, sir. Your order number is 66.”

Me: “Huh. How many Order 66’s do you get through every day?”

Cashier: “Two, sometimes three.”

Me: “Wow, all those poor Jedi…”

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