Hard Times Hit Hard

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Top

(I’m stocking soup when a man approaches me.)

Customer: “Where’s your bacon bits?”

Me:*looking up* “Down at the end of this aisle, on the right, at the bottom.”

Customer: “Hold on…aren’t you [my name]?”

Me: “Yes. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m [name]! We went to high school together. Wow, you sure must have had it rough, huh?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “Well, you know, all this time and you’re just stocking shelves…”

Me: “I’m the owner of this and two other stores. I went to business school for years and invested in the stock market.”

Customer: “Oh! Well, nice to see you again, then…”

(I found out later that he was a janitor.)

Real Numbers, Imaginary Common Sense

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout

(Our store recently installed numerical locks on our doors due to vandalism. They are a minor annoyance, but usually not a huge issue.)

Customer: “Can I get the code to your restroom?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s 81818.”

Customer: “I’m sorry, what was the number?”

Me: “It’s 81818.”

Customer: “I’ll never remember that. I need to hear it in real numbers. Can you tell me the code using real numbers please?”

Me: *confused* “It’s eight-one-eight eighteen.”

Customer: “No, that’s still not a real number. I need it in real numbers.”

Me: “Why don’t I just write it down for you?”

Customer: “No, it’s eighty-one thousand, eight-hundred and eighteen. Was that so hard?!”

Tis The Season To Be Tired (Of Customers)

, | San Mateo, CA, USA | Holidays

(During the Christmas season, we managers at my store often work 12+ hour days. This day is one of them, and I have been there since 7:30 in the morning; it is now 8 pm. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Wow, you sure look tired. When did you start?”

Me: “7:30–”

Customer: “That’s the problem with today’s generation. Can’t work a full day without looking like they are falling asleep!”

Me: “AM, sir.”

Customer: “Oh…” *walks off with a blank stare on his face*

One Good Takeout Deserves Another

| New York, NY, USA | Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

(A few years ago, around noon on Christmas day, several dozen Chinese people walked in to our Kosher deli-style restaurant, apparently in a group. One walked up to the front desk.)

Man: *softly* “Is it okay if we’re here?”

Hostess: “Yes, we serve everyone, but are you sure you’re in the right place?”

Man: “This is [Restaurant], right?”

Hostess: “Yes, sir, it is.”

Man: “Well, we figured since you Jews are all coming to our restaurants tonight, we’d return the favor.”

Hostess: *slightly shocked* “Thanks. Right this way… We’ll seat you!”

(…and they’ve been back every year since!)

Intelligence May Vary

| Lancaster, PA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “How much are the belly-button rings?”

Me: “The prices vary depending on the style. I’d have to check if you’re interested in a specific one.”

(The girl walks over to her mom in an aisle within earshot.)

Mom: “How much are they?”

Customer: “She said they vary.”

Mom: “What is that supposed to mean? That I can’t afford them?!”

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