Mind-Blowing Ignorance

| WA, USA | Right | January 29, 2014

(I am an ER nurse. During the late morning, a man comes in with his son, who has a concussion. The policy is that a concussion patient isn’t allowed to sleep at all. The nurses and staff make sure the boy stays awake and notice that he keeps nodding off a little too easily.)

Me: “Excuse me, but why is your son so tired?”

Father: “Oh, he got his concussion in the wee hours of the morning and I just knew that he couldn’t fall asleep. So he’s been awake since then.”

Me: “Why didn’t you bring him in here right away?”

Father: “I didn’t know if you’d be open that early.”

Me: “This is the ER! We’re always open!”

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Truthfully, He’s Totally Peanuts

| PA, USA | Right | January 29, 2014

(My primary job at this store is cashier; however, today is my first day hanging tags. I begin in the organic and bulk sections when a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “I’m so glad you’re here [My Name]. You see, [My Name], it’s been a while since I’ve been in here, and I’m so glad that you have a bulk section. You see, [My Name], I love those peanut clusters. I would love to buy a bag of them, but I think it’s only right that I could sample them. So what do you say, [My Name]? Will you let me sample the wonderful peanut clusters?”

Me: “Uhm, I’m not really the person you should be asking…”

Customer: “Well, [My Name], then you and I shall go together. [My Name], we will find the truth. I am a man of honesty. I honestly do want to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample it. I’ve been to other [Store] and I fell in love with the peanut clusters. But I just have to know, [My Name]. I just have to know if they are the same wonderful peanut clusters.”

(The customer leans forward, pulling open his shirt pocket. Inside are flower petals.)

Customer: “I have eight of these petals. I give one to you, [My Name]. Because it represents the truth that we will find.”

(I look around. Not seeing anyone from produce nearby, I begin to lead him to the front end where the front-end supervisor or the service desk clerks could call someone, or maybe even run into a manager on the way there.)

Customer: “I don’t see [Manager] anywhere. She’s usually here. And I’m glad [Produce Employee] isn’t here. [Produce Employee] is a [homophobic slur]. He’s a nice guy, [My Name], but he’s a [homophobic slur].”

(We reach the service desk. My coworker talks to the customer.)

Coworker: “Can I help you, sir?”

Customer: “You see, [Coworker], [My Name] and I wanted to know the truth. Your lovely peanut clusters over there, I’ve had some at another store, and they were most wonderful. But you see, [Coworker], I want to know the truth if they are the same delicious peanut clusters as the others. I would love to buy a bag, but I think it’s only right that I sample one. [Coworker], do you know the truth that [My Name] and I are trying to learn?”

(My coworker glances at me nervously.)

Coworker: “Uh…” *pointing to grocery manager nearby* “He’s the one you need to talk to.”

(Overhearing us, the manager comes up to the service desk, followed by the front end supervisor.)

Customer: “[My Name], will you please tell [Manager] about the truth we wish to learn. We need to learn the truth.”

Manager: “I don’t have time for the truth.”

Customer: “You hear that, [My Name]? [Manager] has no time for the truth!”

Manager: “I’m afraid of the truth.”

Me: “He just wanted to know if—”

Customer: “No. I’m done here. He has no time for the truth.”

(The customer left, and the manager went back to work as if nothing happened.)

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Leaves And Gives 0

| Right | January 29, 2014

image

His Table Lawsuit Won’t Have A Leg To Stand On

| Right | January 29, 2014

Needs To Seriously Self Check Out Of Campus

| NY, USA | Right | January 28, 2014

(Customer #1 is in line ahead of Customer #2, and is buying a large amount of instant coffee, instant noodles, and candy.)

Customer #1: “D***! This stupid credit card thing can’t read my card.”

Clerk: “Try it again, sir, and move the card slowly and evenly.”

Customer #1: “Nope! This f****** thing is broken.”

Customer #2: “How’s studying for finals going?”

Customer #1: “Uh… Not well. Why?”

Customer #2: “Because you’re trying to pay with your student ID.”

(Customer #1 stares at the card for a long time.)

Customer #1: “I haven’t left campus in way too long.”

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