I Sleigh Myself

| Right | March 3, 2014

funny-reindeer-telling-jokes-store-market-new-tail-retail-sleigh-myself-pun-pics

Popped Off

| Canada | Right | March 3, 2014

(A customer walks into the store and walks over to the service desk with a cart FULL of pop.)

Customer: “I want to return this pop. I didn’t seem to need it.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but this isn’t a brand we carry. You have to buy the pop here at our store in order to return it here.”

Customer: “I bought them here last week! I just want my d*** money back!”

Coworker: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have my d*** receipt. Don’t you have it on file?”

Coworker: “I apologize, but we don’t.”

(The customer immediately kicks over the whole cart of 30 bottles of pop and storms away. We all stand there in shock after, but on a positive note we all got to keep the pop that he had left behind!)

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Just Crushed Her Saga

, | USA | Right | March 3, 2014

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. My name is [Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am. I do believe there’s a fraudulent charge on my account.”

Me: “Oh, no! Let’s see what we can do. Which item is fraudulent?”

Customer: “The $29.99 charge on January ninth.”

(I scroll down to the charge and then I notice the woman’s account is completely over-run with $0.99 charges to Google. When people get customer debit card numbers, they often make small purchases so they customer won’t notice, but this is completely insane.)

Me: *ignoring the Google charges for the time being* “Okay, I see the $29.99 charge. Do you want me to file a dispute on this item?”

Customer: “Oh! Oh, now wait, honey. I know what it is. I forgot I ordered that purse from the TV.” *laughs* “Never mind. I didn’t mean to waste your time! Thank you so much!”

Me: “Wait, ma’am, hold on. I’m glad you figured out that charge was legitimate, but I do need to ask you… Um, are you aware there are multiple small transactions to Google on your account? I mean, they go all the way back for at least three months. I’m seeing so many I can’t count them all!”

Customer: “Oh, honey, I know. My husband tells me I need to stop!”

Me: “Stop, ma’am? Stop what?”

Customer: “Oh, you know. Ain’t you ever felt so swag you just had to play Candy Crush at three am?”

Me: *blink* “No, ma’am. Can’t say that I have.”

Customer: “Oh, I just get so mad. I just gotta beat that level!”

Me: *laughs* “Well, hey, we all gotta unwind somehow!”

Customer: “How much I spent on Candy Crush anyhow? $50?”

Me: *tallying it all up* “Um… it looks like approximately $767.87 in three months.”

(There is a prolonged silence.)

Customer: “HOW MUCH!?”

Me: “$767.87, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh honey, don’t you tell my husband. He already mad at me as it is. Oh well! Thanks, baby, you have a great night!”

(The customer had well over $15,000 in her regular checking account so I suppose she wasn’t missing it too badly!)

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Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Right | March 3, 2014

(The lingerie company I work for has a very large sale twice a year, and it is always quite popular. We mark down prices on much of our merchandise again as the sale goes on, to move old stock. We do offer price adjustments on sale items that have been discounted again. The customer in question here is a notorious returner.)

Me: “Thank you for shopping with us today. How was your experience with us?”

Customer: “Whatever. I need to do a price adjustment.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have all your receipts?”

(The customer hands me at least 20 different receipts.)

Me: “Oh…wow. There’s a lot of receipts here. Which items did you want price adjustments on?”

Customer: “All of them.”

Me: *whimpers* “Um… okay. Just so you know, this will take a few moments.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. Just hurry up.”

(I look at the first receipt and notice that all the items on it were purchased at full price outside of our 90-day return policy, before the sale even started.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m really sorry, but this receipt is from almost five months ago. We only have a 90-day return policy, so there’s nothing I can do with this receipt.”

Customer: “But the items on there cost less now. I want the sale price!”

Me: “Yes, and if you had purchased these items within the last 90 days, I’d be happy to do the adjustment. But as you can see, you bought them several months ago, and the system won’t process it.”

Customer: “Well, what about the other receipts?”

(I go through the receipts and note that only four of them have dates within the 90 day policy, so I hand the stack back to the customer.)

Me: “All right, so it looks like only these four have dates within the return policy, but I’ll be more than happy to scan these through and give you your discount.”

(The customer huffs, but says nothing. After scanning all four receipts and rescanning every single item on them, I tell the customer her refund amount.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks like you’re going to be getting back $1.50 for all of these.”

Customer: “What? That’s impossible! Everything on there has dropped in price again!”

Me: “Actually, that’s not true. The bras you purchased were $15.99, and that is still their price today. The only thing you’re saving any money on is this perfume, and that’s only $1.50.”

(I process the transaction and put the $1.50 on her credit card. I assume the transaction is done, until she hands me the out of date stack again.)

Customer: “Now do these. I’ll get more back on these.”

Me: “Ma’am, as I’ve already explained, these receipts are just too old to do a price adjustment on. I’m sorry, but my system won’t process it.”

Customer: “No! You will give me my money back!”

Me: “Ma’am, as I said, I’m terribly sorry, but my register will just deny the transaction. There is literally nothing I can do.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll just go to [other store location] and get them to do it!”

(The customer leaves in a huff. I call the other store to let them know she’s coming. They don’t process her return either.)

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Waxing Lyrical On The Lyrics

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | March 3, 2014

Elderly Customer: “I’m trying to learn this song. Do you have music for ‘Your Mind Is On Vacation And Your Mouth Is Workin’ Overtime’?”

Me: “No, but now I want to learn it, too!”

Elderly Customer: “No s***, right?!”

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