Finally Singing To The Same Tune

| NM, USA | Right | October 14, 2013

(I’m a piano tuner in a sparsely populated area in the rural west. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [Name] piano service.”

Caller: “Do you tune pianos?”

Me: “Yes I do. I also do all kinds of repairs, as well as complete restorations. The only thing I don’t do is moving.”

Caller: “Great! What’s the total cost for a tuning?”

Me: “I need some more information to give you a price. Do you know how long since it’s been tuned?”

Caller: “Well, we live on a ranch on long way from nowhere, and it’s been here since before 1900, so for sure at least that long. Our family has never spoken to a piano tuner before.”

Me: “Wow! That’s a really long time! I’m honored! So, do all the keys go up and down, and does each key make a sound?”

Caller: “Yes, we checked, and it actually doesn’t sound that bad. Out of tune of course but everything works.”

Me: “Great! You mentioned being on a ranch. How far from [city I’m in] are you?”

Caller: “We’re 25 miles outside of [town of 500 people, 200 miles away] on a gravel road that goes through a mountain pass. Well, actually, you have to cross the entire mountain range to get here. We own an entire valley.”

(I look up their location on Google maps, calculate the driving fee, and give them a price for a service package.)

Caller: “That’s a very fair price! Sold! But you don’t do the moving? Is there a mover you usually recommend?”

Me: “Yes, I have a favorite mover. Wait. ‘The’ moving? I’m not sure I follow. Oh, you’re moving it somewhere else before I tune it? I could contact my mover, tell them your location, and get a price, and get back to you.”

Caller: “Wait, what? Now I’m confused. We like your price on the tuning, but now we need to add the costs of the moves to know the total price?”

Me: “Moves? You’re moving it more than once? Am I tuning it, then it gets moved, and I tune it again? Is this all at once, or separate jobs? Now I’m lost!”

Caller: “Do you actually do this very often? We’d think you’d have the procedures and costs all worked out by now.”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but I’m not following you at all. Let’s start over. Where is it getting moved TO?”

Caller: “How would we know that? Are you being a smart-a**?”

Me: “What?”

Caller: “Where do you live?”

Me: “Why would you need to know that? Are you threatening me?”

Caller: “We DON’T need to know! And of COURSE we’re not threatening you! But YOU asked where it was getting moved to. For Christ’s sake!”

Me: *lightbulb goes off* “You want to move the piano to where I am?”

Caller: “Of course! How else are you going to tune it?”

(I am in stunned silence. In my entire career, no one has ever thought they had to deliver the piano to ME to have it tuned, and then have it moved back to their house.)

Caller: “Hello? Are you there?”

Me: “Yes. I’m here. I see the misunderstanding now. Piano tuners always drive to where the piano is, no matter how far away, and tune the piano where it’s at. The piano does not have to be brought to me. Pianos are NEVER brought TO the tuner. Tuners always go TO the piano. The price I gave you includes me driving all the way out there to your ranch and back home, staying at a motel if I have to, gas, tax, the work I’ll do, everything is included. There’s no need for a mover at all.”

(There is a prolonged silence before they continue.)

Caller: “We’re really not as stupid as you probably think we are right now. Really. No one here has the slightest idea what a piano tuner does, or how they do it, or what it costs. We’ve just been raising cattle for five generations out here, see, and… oh Christ.”

(I hear several people in the background start to laugh. I can’t help it and start laughing too. We’re all choking on laughter over the phone for at least a minute.)

Caller: “That’s a h*** of a long drive, so how about we get the guesthouse ready so you can stay overnight? Is cash okay? Do you like steak? What would you like for breakfast? If you like fishing we have miles of private streams. Bring a friend if you want; nothing but room up here!”

(I end up with more value in free-range gourmet steaks and wild trout packed in a huge ice chest, than my entire tuning package fee!)

1 Thumbs
5,718
VOTES

Not So Smart-Phone Number

| TX, USA | Right | October 13, 2013

(Our store sells rats and mice for feeders. All customers who purchase them have to fill out a short sheet with their name, address, and phone number for our records. Our store reward cards can be found by entering a phone number.)

Me: “Alright, two male mice and [other item]. If you could please fill this out while I ring you up that would be great.”

(The customer stares blankly at the piece of paper.)

Me: *pushes paper closer* “We’ll just need this filled out for the mice for our files.”

Customer: “What is this?”

Me: “It’s a form that has to be filled out for all animals we sell; it is company policy.”

(The customer starts to get huffy.)

Customer: “I have lived in this area for nine years, and have never had to fill one of these out before!”

(She starts to fill it out, grumpily, sighing every few seconds, and complains the entire time, saying the policy is stupid and she doesn’t understand. When she reaches the portion where it asks for a phone number should we need to call the customer about the animal, she explodes.)

Customer: “There is NO F****** WAY I am giving you guys my phone number. This is freaking ridiculous; let me talk to a manager. I have lived here NINE YEARS and have never had to fill this out. This is a retarded policy, and I am not giving you guys my phone number to have on file!”

(I call a manager up and keep trying to diffuse the situation.)

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. You can rightly refuse for the phone number. While we wait for my manager, do you have a rewards card?”

(The customer looks up at me and prattles off her phone number. I resist face-palming at her.)

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

1 Thumbs
1,446
VOTES

The Thickest Part Of The Line

| Boston, MA, USA | Right | October 13, 2013

(I overhear some convention attendees when walking by a line.)

Attendee #1: “Hey, look, a line for something.”

Attendee #2: “What’s it for?”

Attendee #1: “I dunno. Let’s get in line!”

1 Thumbs
1,023
VOTES

Named And Shamed

| Right | October 12, 2013

The End Is Nigh-Phone

| TX, USA | Right | October 12, 2013

(An elderly customer calls our shop trying to find out if we have another location that is close enough to his address to deliver to him. I grab one of the menus with our locations and phone numbers on it to assist him, since we can’t access the internet in the store.)

Caller: “I’m in [town an hour south of us].”

Me: “Okay, well we have a shop in [town just north of him].”

Caller: “No, no, I already called them! They said it was too far!”

Me: “Oh, alright, sorry about that. The next location I’m showing here is in [big city even further south].”

Caller: “I ain’t going into the city!”

Me: “Okay. Well, the next thing we could try is if you have access to a computer; you can go on our website and it will be able calculate from your address—”

Caller: “I ain’t got one of those d*** computers, and I have no desire for one either.”

Me: “Um, okay, well—”

Caller: “Because when the end comes, I’m gonna be sitting back in my house laughing and watching all the chaos while everyone else goes crazy because your iPhones don’t work no more!”

Me: “Okay…”

Caller: “Well thanks anyway for your help, and you think about what I said, missy.” *hangs up*

1 Thumbs
1,027
VOTES
Page 1,799/3,767First...1,7971,7981,7991,8001,801...Last