Stereotypes Are A Bigot’s Best Friend

| Stewart, BC, Canada | Bigotry, Language & Words, Top

(Born and raised in Donegal, Ireland, I moved to Canada in my late teens. I still carry an extremely thick accent. I am working my first day at a call center and pick up the phone.)

Me: “Hello, my name is Danny; how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m sorry; what did you say? Your name is Darry?”

Me: “My name is Danny, sir. Short form of Daniel.”

Customer: “Wait, are you a Scotsman?”

Me: “Irishman, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, f***’s sake! Put me on the phone with someone who can help me.”

Me: “Well, sir, I am new to this profession, but I assure you that I’ll—”

Customer: “No, just shut up and get me an American! You can go get drunk off an a**-load of whiskey that you pale f***s live for.”

Me: “Sir, with all due respect, I work in a Canadian call center, and therefore most of the workers here are Canadian, not American.”

Customer: “I can’t understand you! You’re slurring because of how f****** drunk you always are! Go get me your boss, ya f****** Leprechaun!”

(I proceed to put my boss on the phone, who happens to be an African-American.)

Customer: “Sir, my call was just answered by an Irishman.”

(My boss raises an eyebrow at me, and I shrug.)

Boss: “Yes, and?”

Customer: “And I want to make that next time I call, I don’t end up with a n****** on the other end. Real people should be doing this kind of work. I’m sure you’re a respectable man who will think about this.”

Boss: “Actually, sir, I happen to be black.”

Customer: “Oh, s***!” *hangs up*

Work Hard, Break A Leg

, | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m currently recovering from a broken leg. I am at work getting my schedule for the week. As I’m walking out the door, a customer entering the restaurant shoves the door open and hits me right in my bad leg. I fall to the floor, crumple over in pain, and the customer literally steps right over me without a word, as if nothing has happened and I am just in her way. She goes to order at the counter which is being manned by my manager, who has seen the whole thing happen.)

Manager: “You need to leave.”

Customer: “Why, because I hit that idiot? He was in my way.”

Manager: “Yes. That’s one of my employees, and he just had surgery on the leg you hit.”

Customer: “Well he shouldn’t have been standing there!”

Me: “I was trying to open the door and leave; I wasn’t just standing in front of the door.”

Customer: “That’s hardly my problem. Now take my order.”

Manager: “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone, especially self-centered morons. Now get the h*** out of my store.”

Customer: “F*** you and f*** [restaurant chain]!”

(The customer storms out, literally walking right over me again.)

Manager: “[My name], why don’t you go ahead and take tomorrow off? I’ll cover for you.”

Me: “Thanks, I’m probably gonna need it!”

The Fully-Insured Walking Dead

| Draper, UT, USA | Geeks Rule, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Zombies

(My company sells music gear. We have a coverage plan that we are required to pitch to each customer on every item that qualifies. We are encouraged to get creative with our coverage pitches. I am talking to a woman about a keyboard.)

Me: “So, we offer this extended plan which covers any kind of accidental damage, wear and tear, and shipping costs. The only things we don’t cover are theft, intentional abuse, and acts of God. So, set on fire, struck by lightning, floods, tornadoes, zombie attacks—”

Customer: “What? You don’t cover zombies?!”

Me: “We will cover if the zombie accidentally knocks your keyboard over, or if it bleeds all over it. But if you intentionally hit the zombie with your keyboard, you’re on your own. And if that’s your zombie-killing weapon, may God be with you.”

Customer: “Do you watch The Walking Dead, by any chance?”

Me: “Yes, I do! Although, I am actually terrified of zombies. The main reason I watch the show is because I am a huge Norman Reedus fan.”

Customer:” Me, too! He’s my favorite character!”

(What follows is a ten minute conversation about the show itself, how awesome Daryl Dixon is, and the pros and cons of various zombie weapons. The customer makes my day. She bought coverage, too!)