An Ink-ling That They’ve Been Cell-eeping Around

| Saginaw, MI, USA | Love/Romance, Technology

Customer: “Hey man, you do printers? I got this printer here. It doesn’t work, doesn’t print, doesn’t take paper, and just says ‘carriage jam.’ How much you tryin’ to charge me here?”

Me: “Whoa, hold on. Let’s take a look. It’s usually just a piece of paper in there. No big deal.”

(I plug the printer in, load up some scrap paper to test it on, and hit the copy button. It makes a makes a horrible grinding noise and shakes so hard the front panel pops open.)

Me: “Okay, that’s not a piece of paper. Any idea what happened?”

Customer: “No, man. I was just printing… uh… pictures, man… just nothing for work, you know?”

(I open all the access doors and start pushing against the rollers. I see a gray object with a headphone jack and a screen on it stuck way down into the mechanism.)

Me: “Sir, have you lost a cell phone recently?”

Customer: “No, man. It’s not a cell phone. It’s a printer, man. PRIN-TER.”

Me: “No, I know. It’s just… you seem to have a cellphone stuck down in there.”

I turn the printer around and show the customer. I eventually get his cellphone out, and as I go to print his receipt and he powers up his phone. Suddenly, the customer starts screaming, scaring everyone in the store.)

Customer: “That b****! F***ing w****! It’s HIS phone!” *breaks the phone*

(The customer gets a grip on himself and manages to pay his bill.)

Customer: “Knew it! F***ing knew it!” *walks out the store, minus his printer or cellphone*

Must Be This Smart To Ride

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Family & Kids

(A theme park guest and her son want to board a ride. I check the boy’s height to make sure he can ride it, but sadly he is about four inches too short.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Your son isn’t tall enough to ride.”

Guest: “What do you mean? Your sign says he can ride with a responsible person.”

Me: “The sign also says he must be a certain height to ride.”

Guest: “No, it doesn’t. Fix your sign now!”

(I take the guest and her son out to the entrance of the attraction, and show her word for word the ride requirements.)

Guest: “Well, this is outrageous!”

Guest’s Little Boy: “Gosh mom, can’t you read? Do you want me to die?!”

Guest: *storms off angrily*

Guest’s Little Boy: *to me, while being led away* “Have a good day! Bye!”

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High-Strung At Heart

| UK | Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Top

(I work in a toy store that sells a variety of products, aimed at all kinds and all ages. A teenage boy and his young brother come in, and are being quiet and behaving.)

Girly Voice: “I’M TIRRRREEED.”

(My back is turned to them, so I expect that they must have a young sister with them. Instead, I turn around to see a tall, pouting, blonde woman in 6-inch heels. Her boys call her “mum”, so it’s clear who she is.)

Mother: *flails arms and stamps her feet* “I’M BORED! I WANT TO SIT DOWN. MY FEET ARE TIRED! I’M HUNGRY. CAN WE GO NOW? HAVE YOU SPENT YOUR MONEY YET?! I’M GOING BECAUSE I’M BORED AND I’M TIRED—”

(I’m not the only one to notice her behavior; other customers are agog at this grown woman having a tantrum in a toy shop. While this is going on, an elderly woman at the till smiles at me sweetly.)

Elderly Woman: “Goodness, if that were my daughter, I’d give her a good slap!”

Me: “Even at her age?”

Elderly Woman: “ESPECIALLY at her age!”

That Won’t Fly In This Store

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

(A disheveled, belligerent customer approaches our manager.)

Customer: “You need to tell me why that old woman on the third floor is cussin’ me out!”

Manager: “Another customer, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, she’s yellin’ at me, and you need to make her stop!”

(The manager speaks with an employee upstairs to get the other customer’s side of the story, and then returns to the first customer.)

Manager: “Sir, the other customer claims you exposed yourself to her.”

Customer: “I’m a customer here all the time! You need to make her stop!”

Manager: “Sir, I have to ask you to stop.”

Customer: “What?! I’m a customer! Why?”

Manager: “Because your fly is down.”

Customer: “Well, it happens!”

Please Pull Up To The Next Fast One

, | Maine, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Top

(I am working the first window of the drive-thru taking people’s money. Our store has a policy that if you don’t get a receipt or if you are not offered a receipt, then your order is free. A man comes up to my window and shoves a wad of bills and change into my hand and immediately drives off to the next window. I don’t think much of it, because the guy had exact change. A short time later, my manager comes up to me.)

Manager: “A customer is insisting on getting their food for free. He says that you didn’t give him his receipt nor ask him if he wanted one.”

(I explain to my manager what happened, and then go and talk to the customer.)

Me: “Sir, you didn’t give me a chance to offer you a receipt or to complete the transaction. As soon as you gave me your money, you sped off.”

Customer: “That’s NOT what the sign says! It’s not my fault you’re slow! I was not given a receipt, correct? You did not ask me if I wanted a receipt, correct? Therefore, I get my food for free!”

(My manager decides not to argue with the man and refunds his money. A few days later, a man places an order and I am pretty sure it is the same customer. Sure enough, I immediately recognize him when he pulls up to my window. Again, he shoves a wad of bills and change at me. However, I don’t reach out to take it just yet.)

Me: “Good evening, sir! Would you like your receipt today?”

Customer: “D*** it! You recognized me, didn’t you?”

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