Leap Days Of Logic

| Ontario, Canada | Time

(The call center is in Canada, but we have many customers from the USA. This call comes in toward the end of the day on July 4th.)

Caller: “So, did you have a good Fourth of July?”

Me: “Well, I’m in Canada, so it’s just a regular day here, but it was not bad. We do have Canada Day, which is July 1st.”

Caller: *confused* “So… then… is today July 3rd for you, or July 5th?”

Let Me Google That For You

| Missouri, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Thanks for calling [store]! How may I direct your call?”

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering when the new season of this TV show is supposed to come out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but our system doesn’t allow us to research release dates. I could only tell you if it was being released this month.”

Customer: “Well, could I find out on your website?”

Me: “Well, your best bet would just be to Google it.”

Customer: “Umm… so what should I Google?”

Me: “The name of the TV show, the season, and the words ‘release date.'”

Customer: “Oh my God, thank you! I never would have thought of doing that! I’ll go look it up now. Bye!”

Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves, Part 2

| Canada | Extra Stupid

(I work as a cashier at a hardware store. A customer has had a problem-less transaction and is beginning to ring through purchase. She pauses after a few moments.)

Customer: “It says my card is rejected.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “What do I do?”

Me: “What does the screen say?”

Customer: “It says ‘Take Card Out. Press OK. Try again.'”

Me: “Okay, so follow the screen.”

Customer: “So, what do I do?”

Me: “Take your card out.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Press ‘OK.'”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “…and try again.”

Customer: “Well, no need to explain it like I’m a five year old!”

Always Handle Grown Ups With Kid Gloves

Close Cousins Of The Fashion Police

| Dallas, TX, USA | Bizarre, Money

(I’m working as a cashier at a local mall.)

Me: “Okay, sir. Your total today is [price].”

Customer: “Can I get my 20% discount?”

Me: *confused* “20% discount?”

Customer: “Yeah, I always get 20% off of my purchases.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can only make an adjustment if the item is on sale or if you have a coupon. We don’t have a standing 20% off discount.”

Customer: “But I ALWAYS get a discount.”

Me: “Umm… I’m sorry, but I haven’t heard of this discount and I can’t make an adjustment. I can get my manager and see if she can—”

Customer: “What’s your name?”

Me: “[name].”

Customer: “Well, [name], I want you to know that I’m reporting you to the sales police! Consider yourself warned!” *stalks out of the store*

Sticking To One’s Guns

| Texas, USA | Awesome Customers, Bigotry, Top

(A squadmate and I from my unit are out at the range, practicing with a pair of higher-priced military style AR rifles. Both of us are wearing civilian clothes and military issue armor and ammo carriers, for practice. A guy in the next lane over has a similarly expensive gun, and the far lane is occupied by an obvious civilian with a much cheaper, wooden rifle.)

Next Lane: “Look at that s***! Only f****ts use Mosins. It’s a gay rifle!”

Me: “Oh, that’s not true…” *I look at my buddy* “Do you have a Mosin, darling?”

My Buddy: *doesn’t miss a beat* “Of course not, baby.”

(He stops reloading the mag he has and stands very close to me with one arm around my shoulders.)

Next Lane: *packs up and leaves immediately*

(I am not gay, but my squad mate is!)

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