He Is Irony Man

| Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

Young Boys Display Monstrous Behavior

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

(I work in a costume shop, and I see a six- or seven-year-old boy looking through the aisle.)

Me: “Hey there, little guy! Are you looking for a costume?”

Boy: “Yeah! I’m gonna be a clown, zombie, vampire, werewolf, monster!”

(The mother of the boy comes around the corner.)

Mother: “Sweetie, you can only be one, so just choose one.”

Boy:” Okay, can I be a clown monster werewolf vampire?”

Me: “But not a zombie?”

Boy: “Oh yeah, and zombie!”

Me: “How about we stick two of them together? You can be a werewolf zombie, or a clown monster, or a vampire clown, even.”

Boy: “Ooh! I want to be a vampire clown. Can I be a vampire clown, please? I want lots of blood.”

Mother: “Do you even have a vampire clown costume?”

Me: “We have clown and vampire costumes separately. I’d say a clown outfit, some vampire teeth, and some blood should make the costume right.”

Boy: “Do you have lots of blood?”

(I point to the rack with small tubes of fake blood.)

Me: “We only have these.”

Boy: “No, I want lots of blood.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure it’ll have enough—”

Boy: *serious face* “No. I want lots of blood. I’ll just have to take yours…”

Didn’t Bank On That Ending

| Eugene, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money, Wild & Unruly

(It’s a particularly busy day in our bank, and I’m working the drive through window. I have a long line of cars waiting, when I hear a customer in line start shouting across the lobby at the other tellers in front.)

Customer: “Look, I’m on my work break here! Can’t you go any faster?”

Coworker: “We’re moving as fast as we can, ma’am. We’re a bit short-staffed today, but we’ll be with you as soon as possible.”

Customer: “But I’m on my BREAK! I have to get back to work.”

Coworker: *still running another customer’s transaction* “Yes, ma’am, I understand.”

Customer: “Well, what about her? Can’t she help me? I’m in a hurry!”

(I suddenly realize that she’s referring to me, while I’m in the middle of my fifth car in a row.)

Manager: “Ma’am, she’s currently assisting customers in our drive through. If she becomes available, she will come to the front to help whoever she can.”

Customer: “Well, I would have driven through myself if I knew it would take this long!”

(I continue to help cars, and after finishing the last transaction, I go to the front to help. I get the shouting customer.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, this deposit slip is for [Competing Bank].”

(The customer turns BRIGHT RED and rushes out so fast you’d think she just robbed the place.)