See Her In Her Cah

| Lafeyette, LA, USA | Right | March 7, 2014

(I’m ringing up a man and a woman. The woman is wearing a shirt and a couple of rubber bracelets that reference running in Boston.)

Me: *indicating her shirt* “You from up north?”

Woman: “Hmm? Oh, no. That was just a run I was in.”

Me: “Ah. I used to live about an hour out of Boston.”

(I finish ringing them up and hand the woman her change.)

Man: “You don’t sound like you’re from Boston.”

Me: “Well, I pick up accents pretty quick, and I’ve been in Louisiana for a year, so I guess I wouldn’t sound much like I’m from Boston anymore.”

Man: “I mean, you’re polite.”

Me: *laughing* “You haven’t seen me in the car!”

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Came To Within An Inch Of Getting It Right

, | PA, USA | Right | March 6, 2014

(After working late shifts at the local discount retailer, I pull into a fast-food drive thru.)

Drive Thru Worker: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like a six-inch nugget, please.”

(There are a couple seconds of silence, and then I hear the speaker turn on and I hear some laughter and giggles in the background.)

Drive Thru Worker: *barely able to speak without giggling* “Uh… Could you repeat your order?”

Me: “I’d like a six-inch nug— OH, MY GOD! No! I want a SIX-PIECE nugget!”

(I complete my order and pull around to see the worker and two of his coworkers red-faced and trying to contain their laughter. In the mean time, I’m no better; my face was red with embarrassment. I pay and get my food, and I couldn’t have gotten out of that queue fast enough! I guess I subconsciously wanted to go to the sub shop that night.)

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The Definition Of Cold Is Too Hot To Handle

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | March 6, 2014

(It’s about 15 minutes before closing time, and so we have very little hot food left. We do however, continue to sell cold items for customers to take home and cook for themselves.)

Customer: “Do you have any chicken pies still hot?”

Me: “Sorry, mate. We’ve sold out of the chicken pies. I’ve still got some cold ones in the fridge though.”

Customer: “Cold? Like, how cold?”

Me: “As in refrigerated. They’re not frozen, just cold. Uncooked.”

Customer: “Ah, okay. I’ll grab one of those thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].” *I get the customer his pie*

Customer: “Ugh! So this is really cold! Can you heat this up for me?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

Customer: “Just real quick, in the microwave?”

Me: “Sorry. Like I said, the cold pies are uncooked. It needs to be cooked in an oven.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t want this one, then. When you said ‘cold’ I thought you meant, like, ‘sort of warm.'”

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Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9

| Cardiff, Wales, UK | Right | March 6, 2014

(It’s the weekend after the release of ‘Grand Theft Auto V,’ and demand for it is high. It’s my first call of the day, and quickly I realise it’s an under-18 boy trying to place an order.)

Me: “Good Evening. [Company]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help?”

Underage Customer: *squeaking* “Hi there. I’m wondering if it’s possible to order Grand Theft Auto V, please.”

Me: *smiling* “Absolutely. However, I’m required to warn you that an adult over the age of 18 must be present to sign for the delivery of the item, and that adult will be told exactly what’s being delivered before they sign for it. Is that okay?”

Underage Customer: *still squeaking* “F****** d***! F***!” *click*

 

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Completely Off His Trolley

| Perth, WA, USA | Right | March 6, 2014

(I am opening the supermarket. A customer drags two locked trolleys over to me from the trolley bays.)

Customer: “I’ve got two trolleys, but I only want one.”

Me: “It’s okay. Just take them back to the bays, put the plug back in, and then put your coin in the first trolley, not the second one.”

(I continue to unlock the bollards blocking the front door and as I take it inside I see the customer is still standing there.)

Me: “I can’t help you here. You need to take it back to the trolley bays.” *gesture to where he’d gotten his trolley*

(The customer just stands there, right in front of the door, where I needed to place the mat.)

Me: “Sir, just take the trolleys back to the trolley return and I’ll help you in a sec. I just need to put the mat down.”

(After several seconds, I give up waiting for him to move and guide him and his trolleys back to the bays, carrying the rolled up mat.)

Me: “Now, just pop the plug back in, take your dollar, and put it in the first trolley.”

Customer: “What plug?”

Me: “The one from the next trolley. It’s on the chain in front of you… The red thing… on the chain… The one you pulled out after you put your coin in…”

(I give up completely. Juggling the mat in one hand, I manage to take the plug, insert it back into the trolley with his coin, take his returned dollar coin out, put it in to the first trolley for him, and remove the plug. I turn back to the door and just as I’m about to roll out the mat he comes over with his trolley and stops, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.)

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