Just Blew In From The Windy City

| Central Coast, Australia | Uncategorized

(It is an extremely windy day so we have to keep the double doors closed. A customer and her 9 yr old daughter walks up to the doors, and walks away. They don’t go very far. A coworker goes outside to start cleaning tables.)

Customer: “Excuse me, are you open?”

Coworker: “Yes, we are.”

Customer: “But I stood in front of the doors and they didn’t open.”

Coworker: “No, ma’am. You have to push them.”

(The customer and her daughter opens the door and walks in. The daughter goes off to the bathroom. We are an old west themed restaurant, so everything, even the toilet door signs are changed to suit. The daughter comes back a few seconds later.)

Customer: “What’s wrong, honey? Couldn’t you find them?”

Daughter: “I’m not sure if I’m a cowboy or a cowgirl.”

Don’t Knock It Until You’ve Pried It

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(We are closed and counting money from the register, when a customer approaches the locked door and tries to open it. She notices the closed sign and tries the door again, then knocks on the door loudly and pulls hard on the door. So hard in fact, that she manages to fit her shoe through the crack. Worried about a broken door, I open the door quickly.)

Customer: “Are you open?”

Me: “No, we are closed.”

Customer: “Then why did you open the door?!”

Separates The Men From The Boys

| Queensland, Australia | Top

(Two customers come into the store wearing a uniform from the same company. Often when this happens, people generally get separate items, then pay for them together, so I always ask to make sure before ringing the items up. They are both male.)

Me: “Hello, are you two paying together?”

Customer #1: “No! We are definitely not together! I’m not gay! We work together. That’s all OK! We aren’t gay together! He’s not my boyfriend and we are not a couple! Not that I’m against… You know… I’m not prejudiced! BUT WE AREN’T TOGETHER!”

Me: “Sir, I asked if you are paying together.”

Customer #1: “Oh…No. Separately. Which is what we are. Separate. Not a couple.”

Customer #2: *trying not to laugh* “Sorry about him.”

Me: “Don’t apologise! You guys just made my day. But you know…separately.”

An Offer Without A Leg To Stand On

| MD, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer pays at window and continues to sit there.)

Customer: “We could run away together.”

Me: “Uhm…”

Customer: “But we wouldn’t get very far. I don’t have any legs.”

Me: *noticing the handicap tags on the mirror* “How are you driving?”

Customer: “It’s a secret.” *drives away*

Pot Calling The Kettle Back

| Washington, D.C., USA | Uncategorized

(A client is on the phone. They are well-known for calling several times a day.)

Client: “Is [attorney] there? I need to speak with him, it’s urgent!”

Me: “He is unavailable, but he told me he will call you as soon as he can.”

(15 minutes later…)

Client: “I need to speak with [attorney] right now!”

Me: “He can’t talk with you right now. He will call when he can.”

(15 minutes later…)

Client: “Can I speak with [attorney] now?”

Me: “No, he is in the middle of something, but he will call you when he can.”

Client: “You know, you are starting to sound like a broken record!”