Not All Customers Are Sick

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Awesome Customers, Health & Body, Top

(A customer comes up to my counter.)

Customer: “I have a fascinating offer to make you.”

Me: “Uh-oh?”

Customer: “If you let me use some cleaners, and give me a free water from the fountain, I’ll clean up the mess I just made throwing up all over your bathroom.”

Me: “Oh… Well, the fountain drinks don’t have water, but I’ll get you some. [Coworker] over there is actually cleaning the men’s room right now, so you can talk to him.”

Customer: “Thank you. I’m sorry.”

Me: “Oh, it’s alright.”

(She does indeed borrow some cleaning spray and some towels, and disappears into the women’s restroom for a few minutes. My coworker approaches.)

Coworker: “What was that all about?”

Me: “She didn’t say?”

Coworker: “She just said you said it was okay to borrow the cleaning supplies.”

Me: “Oh. She said she threw up and wanted to clean it up.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: “Yup.”

(She comes back out at the end of this conversation.)

Customer: “Again, I’m really, really sorry.”

Me: “Most other customers would have just left it there and not even told us. You told us, apologized, and helped us clean it. You can come in here and throw up every night for all I care. Hope you feel better!”

First Aisle Problems

| Long Island, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Geography

(I’m a customer in line waiting to pay, when suddenly the registers freeze and have to reboot. There are two impatient customers in line behind me.)

Employee: “Sorry, but the registers just froze. Please be patient while we reboot them.”

Impatient Customer #1: “What did she say?”

Impatient Customer #2: “The registers froze.”

Impatient Customer #1: “Ugh, it’s like living in a third world country!”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 11

| PA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I’m a regular at a particular location of a major book store chain and know where most of the books are. I usually get something at the cafe and a few books, and make a habit of re-shelving everything myself once I’m done. As I’m re-shelving books one evening, a man approaches me.)

Man: “You. I want to find a book for my wife.”

Man’s Wife: “I just need new tricks or tips on Sudoku.”

Me: “Oh! I love Sudoku. Well, it looks like you’re in the right section. Did you not spot anything you like?”

Man: “Can’t you just look up what she needs for her?”

(I smile and remain generally pleasant, mainly because I think this is funny every time it happens.)

Me: “I don’t actually work here, but if you have the title, sir, just go to the service counter right there. They can find it for you.”

Man: “I just want a book my wife can look at right now. Why can’t you just get it for us?”

Me: “Well… these are books of more puzzles. Um… I don’t actually work here, sir. But if you’re having a hard time finding a suitable book, you can always Google up keywords like ‘sudoku tips’ or ‘solving sudoku’.”

Man: “Yes, but do you have it in a book?”

Me: “Sir, if you would go to the service counter and ask, I’m sure they can find it for you.”

Man: “You! Why can’t you find it!?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t work here. If you go to the counter, an employee could help you look something up in their computer.”

Man: “You’re not going to help us find this book?”

Me: “I wouldn’t be sure where to start, but an employee—”

(An employee that has been walking toward us in the last part of the conversation finally comes up next to me.)

Employee: “I can take over.”

Me: “—can take over from here. Thanks, bye!”

Related:
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 10
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 9
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 8
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 7
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 6
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 5