Left A Stool In The Stall, Part 2

| Leicestershire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Bizarre, Health & Body

(I work in a store that is particularly popular with the elderly. I am helping out with the changing rooms. A little old lady shuffles up to me without any clothes. I try not to look.)

Me: “Oh! Uh… how did you… uh… find it, ma’am?”

(The lady gives me an awkward smile, and potters off.)

Coworker: “She’ll have left a mess in the room; go tidy up.”

(As I near the empty changing room, an overpowering smell hits me. I slowly open the door to the room, revealing the sweet little old lady has ‘relieved’ her bowels in a corner of the room! Whilst I am standing there, gagging in shock, me coworker appears and sighs.)

Coworker: “God-d*** it, again?!”

Related:
Left A Stool In The Stall

I’d Like Nachos With Extra Photoshop Please

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our concessions stands have digital menu boards, and our food and drink advertisements play every once in a while. A customer is next in line and comes to my register.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a large drink and nachos.”

(I get her drink, and bring her the nachos. The nachos are pre-packed, and as soon as I give them to her, she opens them and looks disgusted.)

Customer: “I don’t want these nachos! The chips are too small! I wanted the larger nachos!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we only have one size, which are what I gave you. Did you want to try any other hot food?”

Customer: “No, I want large nachos! What about those?! I want those nachos!”

(The customer points to our screen, which is showing the nacho advertisement.)

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s the digital screen, displaying an ad for our nachos.”

Customer: “But those nachos look bigger!”

Me: “I’m sorry; they’re the same size as the nachos I gave you. The camera is zoomed in to show texture.”

(The customer has a dumbfounded look on her face, and quietly leaves.)

How The Cookie Crumbles, Part 2

| Welches, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Family & Kids

(I am in line to get cookies for my second grade class that I teach for the last day of the semester. I am rather thin, have blonde hair that’s very long and dyed, and I have high heels. I am speaking to the clerk.)

Me: “Hey, can I get these for my class?”

(I’m pointing to a selection of pink writing icing. The customer behind me suddenly speaks up.)

Customer: “Stupid blonde w****!”

(The clerk and I look at him.)

Clerk: “Please don’t use that language in here, sir.”

Customer: “What? She is! Oh, little miss b****, what’ve you got there?”

(The customer points to my grocery bag.)

Customer: “Oh, let me guess! Lipstick and eye makeup, and daft things to go in your sissy blonde hair! Skinny underwear, and big bras, tampons and oh—let me guess, a massive box of condoms!”

Me: “Listen to me. Firstly, this is not my real hair. I’m actually a ginger, but to avoid confusion with another person at work, I dyed it blonde. Secondly, I’m buying cookies for my second graders. Thirdly, I am a virgin and have a Bachelor’s Degree. Fourth, although I am about to marry someone, I am, like I said, a virgin.”

(The customer walks out without buying anything. By the way, my class enjoyed the cookies!)

Related:
How The Cookie Crumbles