Dumbed Down

| Portsmouth, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(Note: I am working on the technical support phone line at a large computer reseller.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve bought a new computer from you guys and it’s brilliant. Unfortunately, you’ve made a small mistake.”

Me: “Sorry about that. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “The DVD drive is upside down. It still works, but I have to hold in the discs while I close the drive.”

Me: *confused* “Okay… well, bring it in and I’ll get it sorted while you wait.”

(Half an hour later, I’m covering the returns desk while my colleague is on break. The customer I spoke to on the phone comes up with his computer and places it on the returns desk.)

Customer: “Someone said they’d fix this for me. The DVD drive is upside down.”

Me: *turns computer up the right way*

(The customer was so embarrassed he took his computer and ran out out of the store!)

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Time To Start Screening The Tourists

| Utah, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Tourists/Travel

(Every year, my town hosts Sundance, which tends to bring some strange people along with it. I am the only one working in a very small paint store, right before close. A customer comes in and proceeds to look around the store for about 15 minutes.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. We are getting ready to close. Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I am looking for stuff to make a pipe.”

Me: “Well, sir, we do have some stuff to fix plumbing pipes.”

Customer: “No! I need to make a pipe to smoke out of.”

Me: “Uh, we really don’t have anything like that.”

Customer: “What the h*** kind of hardware store is this?!”

Me: “…A paint store?”

Customer: “Oh… then, can I buy some spray paint to get high on?”

Me: “No, sir. That is illegal.”

Customer: “Even during Sundance?”

Me: “Especially during Sundance!”

Customer: “Buzzkill!” *walks out*

Demanding To A Fault

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Crazy Requests

(This happens two days after New Zealand suffered a major earthquake. Most of the central city is a Red Zone with people still trapped in buildings; there is absolutely no access allowed. There are a lot of phone lines out due to breakages, and our technicians are working heaps of extra hours. Everyone is under huge stress.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company] Faults Service. How can I help you?”

Caller: “My phone isn’t working. I need a technician.”

Me: “Right, I’m sure I can help you with that. Firstly, where are you?”

Caller: “I’m in Christchurch.”

Me: “Okay. We’ve had considerable disruption of our Christchurch services due to the earthquake. Our technicians are not available for callouts at the moment, unfortunately. I can give you an idea of when the service might be restored, though.”

Caller: “I live at [address in the middle of the Red Zone]. I need you to get a technician to come out now.”

Me: “Unfortunately, I can’t do that. That address is in the Red Zone, and we aren’t allowed access.”

Caller: “But I was allowed in. You should be too. I need my phone to work!”

Me: “Well, you’re a resident, ma’am. You have special dispensation to go into the Red Zone.

Caller: “But I need my phone to work! I need it for my business! Get a technician out, now!”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, ma’am. We can’t access your address, and our technicians are flat-tack busy at the moment trying to restore services.”

Caller: “This is terrible service! I should have gone with [other company]! They guarantee a technician within an hour!”

Me: “Ah, so do we, ma’am. But this is extreme circumstances, and—”

Caller: “Don’t you give me excuses! I want a technician, NOW!”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s simply not possible. We will restore service as soon as we can, but right now we can’t send out a technician to help you.”

Caller: “Well, I’ll be calling back again when I get back from Auckland! Maybe I’ll get better service then!”

Me: “…Auckland?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m going to go stay with my relatives. Don’t you know there’s been an earthquake?!”

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Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

Guest: “Excuse me?”

Ride Operator: “Yes, sir?”

Guest: “Where’s the VIP line of this ride?”

Ride Operator: *confused* “VIP line for what, sir?”

Guest: “For us, the Americans. Where’s the VIP line for the Americans?”

Ride Operator: “We don’t have a VIP line sir for Americans… or anyone.”

Guest: *huffs* “Well, you should!”

Related:
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
Canada: America’s Hat

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Good Money Drive-Thrus Out Bad

| Ontario, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money, Top

(I am working drive-thru at a major coffee shop chain. Every once in awhile, customers will “pay it forward” by paying for the order of the vehicle behind them. This is a happy surprise for the next customer, and usually causes them to pay for the order of the next vehicle and so on. We’re currently in the middle of a “pay it forward” chain when the following customer pulls up at the window.)

Me: “Hello, your total is $3.49, but the car in front of you has already paid for it.”

Customer: “What the f***?!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s been going for 11 cars in a row. You can pay it forward if you’d like to keep the good deed going. No pressure, though.”

Customer: “F*** that! I’ll pay for my own coffee. Not paying for some clown behind me!”

Me: “Not a problem. Your order has been paid for. Have a good day.”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said I am paying for it! This is such a scam getting people to pay for others. You’re what’s wrong with the world today, you know!”

Me: “I’m sorry for trying to give you your order for free.”

Customer: “That’s right, and don’t you DARE use my money to pay for the person behind me, you punk!”

(The customer peels away. As for their money, I used it to keep the chain going, which lasted for another 14 vehicles.)

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