Use Of Technology Is Undeveloped

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer brings in an SD card. He wants to transfer the files onto a CD.)

Customer: “Miss, how many photos can I put on a CD?”

Me: “It depends on the size of the files.”

Customer: “4×6 inches. They’re all the same. I just want to know how many will go on one CD.”

Me: “That’s a print size, not a file size. We can usually fit between 200 and 400 photos onto a single CD.”

Customer: “No. It should always be the same. There’s only one size of picture!”

Me: “No, sir. It can change depending on the camera settings. A high-resolution picture will take up more information space, even if it’s physically the same size.”

Customer: “Don’t you go throwing all that fancy computer talk around. I just want to put these on a CD, as plain old 4×6 pictures. I don’t want any computers involved!”

This Game Has Been Well Trade

| NM, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m ringing up a customer for his game trade-in. It’s a rather old game.)

Me: “Alright. You’ll be getting $5 store credit, or $3 cash.”

Customer: “What! I paid $50 for that game 4 years ago!”

Me: “Yes, but it’s a little scratched. A few sequels have also come out since then.”

Customer: “I want at least $30 for it.”

Me: “If you were a customer, would you pay $30 for this old game?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then why would you expect anyone else to?”

(The customer stares at me dumbfounded. He then asks for his $3.)

The Pen Is Mightier Than The Brain

| Reston, VA, USA | Top

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I would like to change my desktop background. Can you help me?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. Are you on your desktop?”

Customer: “Yes, I am.”

Me: “Okay, I would like you to right click on the desktop.”

Customer: “You want me to right click?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Nothing is happening.”

Me: “That’s odd. Well, right click again. Let’s see if anything happens.”

Customer: “Nope, still nothing.”

Me: “Okay, let me come over to your desk. I will try to see what’s going on.”

(I walk over to the user’s desk. As I approach, I notice the user wrote the word ‘click’ twice on the monitor with a sharpie.)

Guess Who Got The Lion’s Share Of The Stupid

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Uncategorized

(I am making my rounds in the Africa area. An American couple is standing in front of the lion compound. There is a clear sign stating it is an African lion.)

Tourist #1: “Excuse me, what animal is this?”

Me: “That would be a lion, ma’am.”

Tourist #2: “Oh, yes. We have them in Utah!”

Me: “Actually, sir, you have mountain lions in Utah. Not African lions.”

Tourist #1: “Then you should tell someone that mountain lions shouldn’t be in the Africa section!”

We Are A Precipitation Mall Nation

| Fort Wayne, IN, USA | Uncategorized

(We are in the middle of a snow and ice storm that has shut down the city.)

Customer: “I cannot believe you guys are still open. The roads are really bad out there.”

Me: “Yes, I know. The roads are dangerous, but people must really enjoy shopping to take the time to visit the mall today.”

Customer: “I cannot believe that people are risking their lives to come out to the mall. You guys must be losing money staying open when no one is here.”

Me: “True, but as long as they keep coming we will stay open. What is it that I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, I just need to do a return.”