Will Try To Tag Themselves In Jail

| TX, USA | Right | March 12, 2014

(I stop a young, 20-something woman for using her cell while driving in an active school zone.)

Me: “I stopped you, ma’am, for using your phone while driving in a school zone, which is against the law.”

Driver: “I am not calling anyone or texting, so I am not using my phone. I was updating my Facebook status!”

(After citing her, we both pull away from the curb. I then witness her using her cell AGAIN, so I stop her once more.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have already explained and cited you for the very same reason I am pulling you over the second time. I do not want to have to arrest you, so please do not use your phone while driving again.”

Driver: “One more time, officer, I am NOT calling or texting! I am uploading a picture of my citation to Pinterest!”

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We’ll Find A Price

| Right | March 11, 2014

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Come In, We’re Awesome

| Right | March 11, 2014

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A Cash Flow Returns To The Source

| Lenoir City, TN, USA | Right | March 11, 2014

(I’m working the customer service desk and have a problem with a customer who keeps calling, in spite of being told the answer to his question several times. Frustrated, when he calls again I ask my coworker to answer. She puts him on speaker.)

Coworker: “Customer service. How may I help you?”

Caller: *slurring his words* “I need to return my fridge!”

Coworker: “Okay.”

Caller: “Yeah, and I paid $400 for it, and I found a used one for $200. I want my money back!”

Coworker: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Caller: “No, but I have my credit card.”

Coworker: “Okay. We can put it back on that.”

Caller: “No! I want that in cash!”

Coworker: “Sir, that’s impossible. You paid for it with a credit card, so you get the money back on your credit card.”

Caller: “But I paid it off with CASH!”

Coworker: “Even so. The money has to go back on the card.”

Caller: “Well, f*** it, b****!”

Coworker: “I’d rather not. I don’t think you’re my type.”

(The caller swears again and hangs up.)

Coworker: *to me* “See? With idiots, you have to be clever. It confuses them.”

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Not A Sound Argument

| Exeter, England, UK | Right | March 11, 2014

(I’m working on retail in the cinema. It’s quiet because all the films have started. A lady comes down from a screen.)

Me: “Hello. Can I help?”

Customer: “Yes. My daughter and I are watching a film in screen one, and the sound is AWFUL! You can hardly hear anything. It’s terrible! Can’t you get it fixed? I’ve had my hearing tested by professionals and I’ve got the hearing of a 14-year-old, so I know I’m not just imagining it. Get it fixed. It’s ruining our film. My daughter’s been looking forward to seeing it for ages, and it’s ruined!”

(When she finally leaves, I radio the technician to check it out. Afterwards, he comes to the counter.)

Technician: “You know the problem in screen one?”

Me: “Yeah, what exactly was the problem?”

Technician: “Nothing. There’s nothing wrong with it. I didn’t do anything to fix it, because it’s fine. She must be nuts.”

(After the film, the customer approaches me at the counter again.)

Customer: “Thank you SO much for getting that problem checked out. It was SO much better afterwards!”

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