One Immune System Boost, Please

| California, USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a shake/smoothie shop that specializes in healthy shakes with organic ingredients blended before the customer’s eyes. A woman who looks to be in her late 30s walks in and looks at the menu a while.)

Customer: “What ingredients can you put in a shake?

Me: “Well, we can include ground flax seed, hemp, wheat germ—”

Customer: “What? You put germs in your shakes?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, I said wheat germ—”

Customer: “I heard what you said! You said germs! I can’t believe you put germs in your shakes! Wait until I tell everyone how filthy you are!” *storms out*

Let Me Give You A Pita My Mind

, | Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, there. What could I get for you?”

Customer: “Hi. Uh, do you guys sell slices?”

Me: “No, this is a pita shop.”

Customer: “So you don’t have pizza?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, what do you have?”

Me: “Pitas. We’re a pita shop.”

Customer: “Well, what’s a pita?”

Me: “It’s like a wrap.”

Customer: “That’s gross!”

Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind, Part 2
Let Me Give You A Pizza My Mind
Giving A Pizza My Mind

The Year Of Spending Dangerously

| Utah, USA | At The Checkout

Me: “Since you’re using a credit card, I need to see your ID, please.”

Customer: “Oh, for crying out loud!”

Me: “Ma’am, we ask for ID for your safety.”

Customer: *getting agitated* “Well, I don’t want to be safe, so just knock it off already!”

For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 4

| New York City, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’m at the computer putting an order in when I notice a guest at a table adjacent to me behaving oddly.)

Customer: *cranes his head around frantically*

Me: “Excuse me, sir, is there anything I can do for you? I noticed you looking around—”

Customer: “Oh! Sorry. We were just playing ‘I Spy.'”

For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 3
For Some, Childhood Never Ends, Part 2
For Some, Childhood Never Ends

Somebody Took An Evolutionary Detour

| Restaurant | UK | Food & Drink, Top

(The waitress is trying to take our orders when a customer from the next table rudely interrupts.)

Customer: *interrupting* “Is the fish suitable for vegetarians?”

Waitress: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “The fish. Is it suitable for vegetarians?”

Waitress: *very politely* “No, it’s meat.”

Customer: “But it doesn’t say that there’s any meat. It says fish and chips and peas.”

Waitress: “The fish is meat.”

Customer: “No, it’s not. Only mammals have meat, like cows and chickens.”

Me: “Chickens aren’t mammals.”

Customer: “Of course they are; they have meat! Honestly, don’t you know how rude it is to interrupt somebody else’s conversation?!”

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