Piercing Judgments, Part 4

| PA, USA | Right | February 5, 2014

(I am delivering oxygen to a new patient at their home. It is mid-summer and I am wearing a short sleeve work shirt. I have tattoos visible on both arms and hands as well as the front of my neck. I also have three piercings in each earlobe as well as my septum and three in my lower lip. There are all currently being filled by clear spacers. I also have shoulder length hair, a long full beard, stand 6’4″, and am clearly a biker. Generally, patients are a little timid at first when they see me but once they speak to me they are generally more at ease with my appearance and demeanor.)

Me: “Will that be it for you today, ma’am?”

Woman: “Why don’t you have any religious tattoos?”

Me: “Pardon me, ma’am?”

Woman: “Why don’t you have any religious tattoos like the saints or scriptures?”

Me: “Well, I suppose because I don’t actively practice any religion, ma’am.”

Woman: “Those things might be acceptable if they were religious.”

Me: “I’ll agree to disagree, ma’am, but then I have to ask, why don’t you have any religious tattoos?”

Woman: “Because the bible says to alter your body’s appearance is a sin! Leviticus says it.”

Me: “I am somewhat familiar with the passages you are referring to, but if you believe that, then why would you ask why I don’t have any religious tattoos, when the bible says that tattoos are a sin?”

Woman: “Well, you are obviously going to go to Hell for your sins, but I thought if you had some scripture instead of those other things you might be forgiven and get to walk with Jesus.”

 

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A Hit Of Caffeine

| CA, USA | Right | February 5, 2014

(The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

Daughter: “You are?”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

(The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

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All Madness, No Meth(od)

| USA | Right | February 5, 2014

(I’m the evening manager. Customer #1 is buying an odd mix of items that are frequently used in meth production. He’s also buying spray paint, which is clearly labeled on the shelf and register that we require photo identification to validate age, due to city laws.)

Cashier: “With the spray paint, I need to see identification, sir.”

Customer #1: “F*** you, b****! You ain’t stealing my identity!”

Cashier: “Sir, I cannot sell spray paint without seeing your ID. I can put the paint back if you’d rather not buy the paint.”

Customer #1: “I’m buying the paint! B****, you can sell me my paint!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to ask you to leave.”

(As I am talking, I see another customer in the back, starting to dial his phone.)

Customer #1: “B****! Think you can f*** with me? Here’s my identi-f*****-cation!” *throws wallet at cashier* “I’ll get that back after you close!” *storms out the door*

Customer #2: “I’ve called the cops already. Do I need to step out so you can lock the store?”

Me: “Nah. We have video and I now have his wallet. Plus, he’s still in his car. Plate is [number].”

(The other customer relayed the number to dispatch. As the cops pulled in, Customer #1 ran to the back. The cop announced he had a dog, and let the dog go. Apparently the customer thought the dog and cop wouldn’t see him lying on the dumpster lid.)

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Phone Support Leads To Rapport

| USA | Right | February 5, 2014

(We have a website people use to generate leads for their business. Recently, a competitor has come into the market, undercutting us severely on price, but they provide no tech support and have a confusing interface. A long-time client of ours who has left us for the competitor calls in. I’m listening in as a manager on the call.)

Customer: “Hi there. I have some questions.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. I thought you’d switched to [Competitor]. I’m glad you’ve come back to us!”

Customer: “Oh, no. We still have [Competitor]’s service. I was hoping you could help me with it. It’s confusing!”

Coworker: “Are you asking me to help you figure out how to use our competitor’s product?”

Customer: “Yes! I’m so lost, and you guys have always been so helpful!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but I can’t support our competitor’s product. You’ll have to call them.”

Customer: “Well they don’t have tech support. No one ever answers there! I don’t understand the product! You have to help me!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry; I don’t have access to their products. I wouldn’t be able to answer your questions.”

Customer: “Well what the h*** am I paying for then?”

Coworker: “You’re not paying us anything, ma’am. You switched to [Competitor].”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! What kind of service is this?”

Coworker: “Better service than you get at [Competitor], I guess, since they don’t pick up the phone.”

Customer: “Er, I, er… d*** it!” *hangs up*

Me: “I should be annoyed that you sassed her, but that was awesome.”

(They came back to us two months later!)

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Their Demands Cut No Ice

| MD, USA | Right | February 5, 2014

(A customer storms into the place with a huff that indicates she is not in a good mood.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Do you have any [Brand scooped ice cream]?!”

Me: “No, sorry, ma’am. We only have soft serve ice cream in vanilla, chocolate, or both.”

Customer: “What?! But your sign outside said you had real ice cream here! Why the h*** do you not have [Brand scooped ice cream] here, then? That is false advertising, and I’m going to bring this to the attention of [customer review website]!”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not what the sign says. That’s for frozen coffee drinks.”

Customer: “YOU’RE LYING! I know what I read. I came in here for [Brand scooped ice cream] and you don’t have it! If you don’t have it, then you’re false advertising!”

(At this point, the owner has had enough of this. He gets up from his table and begins to walk behind the counter.)

Owner: “Ma’am, I would appreciate if you didn’t falsely accuse my staff of lying, as well as for you to stop disturbing our guests trying to enjoy lunch here. If you look again, you’ll note the sign outside is for iced coffee, not ice cream. We have soft serve ice cream, but that’s it. Do you want some or not?”

Customer: “No! That stuff is horrible! Also, I was here last Friday with my sons, and you served them a spinach pie that was soggy! They hated it, and you ruined my kids’ dinner!”

Owner: “Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, that our food did not meet your expectations. But what do you want me to do about it?”

Customer: “What do you think I want you to do about it?! I want you to comp me for it! I want you to offer me a free meal to make up for it.”

Owner: “No.”

Customer: “WHY NOT?! All the big chains would offer to comp my meal for such poor service!”

Owner: “Well, for one, ma’am, this is not a chain restaurant. This is a single location restaurant, that I own. Therefore, I get to decide the policy for how I comp a customer’s meal. Second, I’m not going to give you a free meal, or refund your money, for food you ate over half a week ago. If it was that terrible you should’ve informed me, or one of the staff members on Friday night about the quality of your food so we could’ve remade it for you. Not five days later, in what seems to me an attempt to get an undeserved free meal.”

Customer: “You’re accusing me of trying to swindle you?! How dare you!” *pulls out a $10 bill from her purse and starts waving it in front of the owner’s face* “See this? This is my money! And you are never getting it again! I’m going to post how terrible your restaurant is to my friends and spread the word about your poor service. How do you like that?”

Owner: “That’s fine, because let’s face it, you never intended to really be fair to me or my staff from the start of this conversation. You’re also disturbing those currently here to enjoy lunch. Frankly, ma’am, you can consider yourself no longer welcome, and forever more banned from eating in my restaurant. Now, please leave.”

(The customer turns to the door and begins to stomp out muttering about how poor customer service is. Another customer stands up from his seat.)

Other Customer: “Hey, can I get one of those soggy spinach pies and another round of beer for my table? And we’ll take some of that falsely advertised soft serve ice cream to go.”

(Everyone in the restaurant, even the owner, all burst out laughing. The complaining customer ran out, embarrassed and flustered with rage.)

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