Blind To The TMI Boundary

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(We sell blinds and wallpaper.)

Customer: “I need some blinds that will give me lots of privacy.”

Me: “We have a lot of different options. You may be interested in a blackout cellular shade. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

Customer: “Well, I need something that won’t get damaged if it gets Vaseline on it.”

Me: “Okay. Maybe a faux wood or wood blind then?”

Customer: “Can you see shadows through it? Because I like to cover my whole body in Vaseline and crawl around like a slug, and I don’t want my neighbors to see me.”

Me: “…um …no, you shouldn’t be able to see shadows.”

Stupid To The Nines

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I call customers to let them know when there are problems with their alarms.)

Me: “I was just calling to let you know that I received a—”

Customer: “Yeah, my alarm’s beeping and I don’t know why.”

Me: “Has the power been out in the last 24 hours?”

Customer: “Yeah, it just came back on.”

Me: “Alright, well, it’s letting you know that it didn’t have power. If you press and hold the nine key, that should clear it right out.”

(I hear sounds as the customer appears to fumble with the phone and something in the background.)

Customer: “I don’t see it. Which one is the nine key?”

(I pause awkwardly, trying to think of a way to answer without being a smart-a**.)

Customer: “Oh, it’s the one besides the eight isn’t it? You said to press and hold it? That worked, thanks!”

Scamming In Full Bloom

| Bolton, England, UK | Liars & Scammers

(I am a supervisor working a 10-hour shift on the hottest day of the year. As it is the evening shift, there are only two of us on. I have sent my colleague on her break so I am at the till.)

Customer: “Can I speak to the manager please?”

Me: “Both the Store Manager and Team Manager aren’t here, but I am the supervisor if you have any problems.”

Customer: “Well I bought some flowers yesterday. They were for a friend who has cancer. When I got home I noticed they were in terrible condition. Probably caused by the heat.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, do you have the flowers with you?”

Customer: “No. I threw them out.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry; I can’t do anything without either of those two things. How much did they cost?”

Customer: “£10.”

(I find this odd, because we only sell £10 flowers during occasions like Mother’s Day or Christmas.)

Me: “Well, there is nothing I can do without the proof of purchase and the product itself. I need to be able to scan the product to refund it. I can’t just give you £10 out of my till.”

Customer: *patronizing tone* “Look, sweetie, you don’t really know how retail works. If a product is bad, you get a refund. You probably became a supervisor by sucking your way up the food chain. Now give me my money, or I’ll call head office on you!”

Me: “Please don’t say things like that. And by all means, call them! They will tell you exactly the same thing I’m telling you. They’ll also tell you that the flowers in question haven’t been sold at this store for nearly two months.”

Customer: “Listen here, you little piece of—”

(My coworker returns from break.)

Coworker: “What’s going on here?”

Me: “I was just about to give this gentleman this phone so he can ring head office, and tell them what a terrible cashier and supervisor I am. Also, out of curiosity, what time did you buy these supposed flowers yesterday?”

Customer: “I bought them yesterday afternoon!”

Me: “[Coworker], did you sell flowers that we don’t even stock that cost £10 to this man yesterday?”

Coworker: “Nope!”

Me: “Neither did I. And since we are the only two people on after midday, I think I’ll call the police.”

(I had no intention of calling the police, but the customer bolted out all the same. Instead, I called all the company stores in the area and told them to watch out for him. It turned out he had already caught out a young impressionable Saturday worker. Eventually, I heard the police caught up with him!)