Stupid And/Or/With Wrong

| Tasmania, Australia | Food & Drink

Customer: “Can I have a champagne and lemonade?”

Me: “So, that’s a champagne with lemonade in it?”

Customer: *annoyed* “Yes, yes!”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “What the h*** is this?”

Me: “Champagne and lemonade.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’m crazy* “Ew, who would want that? I wanted a champagne AND a lemonade!”

Me: *sigh*

You’ve Got The Wrongest Number, Part 6

| Pennsylvania, USA | Rude & Risque, Top

Me: “We’re making magic here at Ch—”

Caller: “Sexy voice for a sexy lady, eh?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “Yeah, I wanted to ask about some of your ‘prizes’.”

Me: “Sure? What are you looking for?”

(He begins to read me a long list of sexual objects and attempts to talk dirty.)

Me: “Sir, this is highly inappropriate.”

Caller: “If you’re offended, why do you work at [name of adult store]?”

Me: “Because I don’t. I think you have the wrong number.”

Caller: “Who am I talking to then?”

Me: “[Name] at Chuck E. Cheese.”

Caller: “Oh…oh my God! I AM SO SORRY!”

Related:
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
You Got The Wrong(est) Number

Size Matters, Part 9

| Michigan, USA | Food & Drink, Top

(I work as a barista at my local coffee shop.)

Customer: “I’d like a coffee to go.”

Me: “Awesome, did you want the small size or the big one?”

Customer: “Small. I might be a big guy, but I have a small thing—” *catches himself* “I mean, I like small things—” *catches himself again*

Me: “It’s okay—”

Customer: “I mean…uh…small. I will take a small cup, fill it with coffee, and then leave so you and your coworker can laugh at me.”

Me: *smiles and contains laughter* “That’ll be $1.75.”

Related:
Size Matters, Part 8
Size Matters, Part 7
Size Matters, Part 6
Size Matters, Part 5
Size Matters, Part 4
Size Matters, Part 3
Size Matters, Part 2
Size Matters

He Sees You When You’re Sleeping

| Coon Rapids, MN, USA | Uncategorized

(It’s about a week before Christmas. A man who is in the camera section for literally three hours finally comes up to be rung up. He is just buying a few office things. I say the regular things that we say to each customer and in the middle it turns weird.)

Customer: “Have you been a good girl this year?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Would you be on Santa’s naughty or nice list?”

Me: *feeling uncomfortable* “I am sorry, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

Customer: “Did you ask Santa for a special toy this year?”

Me: “Since I am not a child, no, I did not ask for a toy.”

(I think he realizes his weird questions aren’t getting anywhere, so he is quiet for the moment. When I am done with the transaction I mumble for him to have a nice day.)

Customer: “I hope Santa brings you a very special toy this year. You’re a very good girl!”

Not Quite The Pizza Of My Eye

| USA | Food & Drink

(I work at a restaurant that sells pizzas that have been “kissed by the flame,” meaning they are cooked in a wood-fired oven. An older gentleman comes up to me at the cash register.)

Customer: “So, are you going to kiss my pizza?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It says the pizzas are kissed!”

Me: “Oh! That is just the way we cook them. They’re made in a brick oven over a fire.”

Customer: “Darn it! I was looking forward to something special tonight!”

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