Common Sense Bounces Off His Head

| Rotherham, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal

(There have been a number of armed robberies in the surrounding area of betting shops, convenience stores and post offices. We are all pretty on edge when a customer comes in the store wearing a motorbike helmet.)

Me: “Excuse me, could you remove your helmet please?”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Could you remove your helmet, please? You’re not supposed to come in the shop with it on.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous; why should I have to take it off?”

Me: “I’m not serving you while you have it on. Please remove it.”

Customer: “If a [racial slur] came in here with their face covered, you wouldn’t ask them to remove it.”

Me: “Seeing as that isn’t even relevant in this matter, I’ll ignore what you just said. However I will not serve you while you are wearing that helmet. There have been countless armed robberies in the area, so do you really think I feel safe with you walking in like that? Just be glad I haven’t already pressed the panic button.”

Customer: *shuts up and removes helmet*

That Bread Cost A Lot Of Dough

| St. Louis, MO, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a pizza place. I take an order over the phone.)

Caller: “I’d like to order two thin crusts.”

Me: “Okay, that will be two thin crust pizzas. What would you like on them?”

Caller: “No, I just want the crusts. Last time I ordered, you people didn’t make it right, so I’m just going to top it myself.”

Me: “So, you want us to cook, and deliver to you, two pieces of bread?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “That shouldn’t be an issue. Let me just make sure it’s okay with my manager.”

(I put the customer on hold. My manager confirms that we can indeed accommodate the customer, but advises me to inform her, that she will be paying the full price of two pizzas, for two cooked pieces of bread.)

Me: “Looks like we can handle that for you, but my manager did want me to make you aware that that we can’t discount the price of the order because it lacks toppings.”

Caller: “That’s just fine.”

Me: “Alright, that will be $21.53. Your bread will be ready for you to pick up in 15 to 20 minutes. Have a nice day!”

Non-Flight Risk

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Top, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(A passenger takes a flight from British Columbia to Newfoundland with one connection in between in Calgary. With roughly an hour to make the connection, she should have an easy time, especially since all flights are on time, and her gates are right across the room from each other. However, she misses her connecting flight. Our airline, at no additional fee, moves her to the next available flight in six hours. Within an hour or so, however, she calls our call center.)

Passenger: “I’d like to make a complaint!”

Agent: “Oh? I’m sorry to hear that. How can I assist you?”

Passenger: “I’m calling because your airline made me miss my connecting flight, and would not provide me a hotel for the night.”

Agent: “Oh, wow. I’m terribly sorry to hear that. What is your reservation code? I’ll see if I can find out if there is something we can do.”

(The agent reviews the reservation, and sees that the passenger has been re-accommodated to a new flight, and has been given a meal voucher for within the airport.)

Agent: “With all due respect, ma’am, it seems that your flight into Calgary was actually early, and you had just over an hour to connect to your connecting flight. It even shows that the agent at the gate called your name a few times. I’m not sure how we caused you to miss your flight.”

Passenger: “It was all your fault! And I want you guys to pay for my hotel for the night!”

Agent: “Again, ma’am, I apologize for—”

Passenger: “It was all the pilot’s fault! He didn’t tell me what time it was!”

Agent: “I’m sorry, what?”

Passenger: “The time! He didn’t tell me what time it was supposed to make an announcement about what time it is.”

Agent: “Ma’am, as a former gate agent at the airport, I can assure you that the captain does make those announcements. Also, in the case that he does not, I happen to know that roughly every 15 feet within the airport, there is a clock on a TV, food service station, and in every lounge. May I ask where you were that you were unable to see the clocks or hear the gate agent?”

Passenger: “That’s none of your business! Now, on top of paying for my hotel, I want you to pay me for my time that you’ve cost me by making me miss my flight. Give me back my money for this flight.”

Agent: “So, ma’am, let me see if I understand this: you got on a flight, knowing you had a connection in Calgary. On your confirmation, it told you the time you would arrive and leave. The captain may not have announced what time it was over the PA system, but within the airport, there were many clocks and many attempts at calling your name to get you on your connecting aircraft. When you did not make it onto the flight, we re-accommodated you at no fee, and even gave you a meal voucher for your additional hours at the airport. Now, you would like us to give you a free flight, AND reimburse you for the hotel that you only get about five hours of use from.”

Passenger: “Listen, are you stupid? You need to stop repeating me and get me some money.”

Agent: “I’m sorry, ma’am; I am not going to be able to help you.”

Passenger: “Tonight?”

Agent: “Ever.”