All Karma’d Out

| Australia | Holidays

Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

(A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

Customer: “Is this the email?”

(The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

Above And Beyond The Call

, | Norway | Uncategorized

(I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

(I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

Me: “Try [number].”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

Don’t Forget ASL, Too

, | New York, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(I’ve been exchanging emails with a woman all day. She tells me I should be expecting her call later in the afternoon. I give her my name and direct number so she won’t have to go through the receptionist switchboard.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

Caller: “Oh, sorry, I must have the wrong number.” *click*

(A few seconds later, the phone rings again from the same number.)

Me: “Hello, this is [name].”

Caller: “I can’t believe it! I can’t believe she gave me the wrong number!”

Me: “Oh, well who are you trying to reach?”

Caller: “I’m trying to call [my company], but I keep getting you instead!”

Me: “Oh, this is [my company]. Are you looking for someone else?”

Caller: “I’m looking for [my name]. I thought this was the right number.”

Me: “Ah, that’s me! I’m [name]! How can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, why didn’t you say that? You kept making me think I had the wrong number!”

Me: “I answered the phone with ‘Hello, this is [name]’. I’m sorry if you were confused, but what can I help you with?”

Caller: “That is SO unprofessional! Why didn’t you answer the phone with [company name]?! How is anyone supposed to know they got the right number?”

Me: “Um, because you’re looking for [name] and I said my name was [name], and you called my direct number?”

Caller: “You should still always answer the phone with the company name, no matter what! I was about to hang up on you again and just call [competition]. At least they let you know who you’re calling when they pick up the phone!”

Why So Serious

| Ontario, Canada | Pets & Animals

(I am a vet assistant helping a woman who has brought in a small, very hyper dog. I lift the dog up on the table and it starts jumping all over the place.)

Me: *jokingly* “It must be part kangaroo!”

Woman: *very pointedly* “It’s. A. Dog.”

Me: *speechless*

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