Not Interstate Of Mind

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Me: “Hello, [store name].”

Customer: “Are you open today?”

Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

Customer: “How do I get to that?”

Me: “Where are you now?”

Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

Blind To The TMI Boundary

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Rude & Risque

(We sell blinds and wallpaper.)

Customer: “I need some blinds that will give me lots of privacy.”

Me: “We have a lot of different options. You may be interested in a blackout cellular shade. Do you have anything specific in mind?”

Customer: “Well, I need something that won’t get damaged if it gets Vaseline on it.”

Me: “Okay. Maybe a faux wood or wood blind then?”

Customer: “Can you see shadows through it? Because I like to cover my whole body in Vaseline and crawl around like a slug, and I don’t want my neighbors to see me.”

Me: “…um …no, you shouldn’t be able to see shadows.”

Stupid To The Nines

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I call customers to let them know when there are problems with their alarms.)

Me: “I was just calling to let you know that I received a—”

Customer: “Yeah, my alarm’s beeping and I don’t know why.”

Me: “Has the power been out in the last 24 hours?”

Customer: “Yeah, it just came back on.”

Me: “Alright, well, it’s letting you know that it didn’t have power. If you press and hold the nine key, that should clear it right out.”

(I hear sounds as the customer appears to fumble with the phone and something in the background.)

Customer: “I don’t see it. Which one is the nine key?”

(I pause awkwardly, trying to think of a way to answer without being a smart-a**.)

Customer: “Oh, it’s the one besides the eight isn’t it? You said to press and hold it? That worked, thanks!”