The Game Of Life

| TN, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

Customer: “Sir, do you know anything about video games?”

Me: “Yeah, I do, but it depends on which games. I haven’t played them all yet.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be playing video games! You are a young man. Go make a d*** family!”

(I look down at the floor at this point as the customer is scolding me.)

Customer: “Were you just looking at my daughters a**!?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I wouldn’t!”

Customer: “Is she not GOOD enough for you?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m gay…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be that either!”

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Telling Porkies About The Chicken

Kansas City, MO, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

(I work in the meat department of a grocery store. A customer brings back a package of chicken to be exchanged. She does not have her receipt so I need to ensure we actually carry the chicken and also make sure I get the weight correct on her exchange. The chicken is wrapped in tin foil and then again in a plastic shopping bag. You could smell a faint odor when you get near it but as I deal with spoiled meat occasionally, it isn’t a big deal.)

Customer: “I bought this yesterday and it’s spoiled. I just want to exchange it for the same thing.”

Me: “That’s no problem, ma’am. Just let me get the brand and the size for you and I’ll get it.”

Customer: “Oh, I really don’t think you want to open that dear. It’s pretty bad.”

Me: “Be that as it may, I have to open it.”

(Upon opening the initial plastic we discover the tin foil it’s wrapped in. The customer service associate next to me gags and runs from the room. The smell actually makes my throat burn. Nevertheless I have to open it. It’s wrapped in four layers of tin foil and 2 layers of plastic wrap. When I release the last layer of tin foil and can actually see the chicken, it actually makes a ‘burp’ sound as the gas is released. The chicken is green, like pea soup color. I cannot read the label, for all the slime, to see when the expiration date was.)

Customer: “See, I told you! It’s awful! Wrap it back up, for goodness sake!”

Me: “Ma’am, when did you say you bought this package?”

Customer: “Yesterday morning. I was going to cook it for supper last night.”

Me: “And it looked like that when you bought it?”

Customer: “No, of course not. Who would buy chicken that looked like that!”

Me: “I’m going to have to get my manager.”

(My manager comes over and opens the chicken very briefly. He asks the same questions and gets the same answers.)

Manager: “Ma’am, it’s 104 degrees outside. Did you, by chance, buy this a few days ago and leave it in your car?”

Customer: ” Absolutely not! I bought it yesterday and I want another package of chicken! Now hurry up. I have things to do.”

Manager: “I’m sorry; I can’t exchange this. There is no way this went bad in your refrigerator overnight. In fact, I think you could have left it on your counter and it wouldn’t smell this bad.”

(After arguing about it for another 20 minutes the customer picked up the package and threw it on the ground. It exploded green chicken slime which landed on the computers and registers nearby, and all over me, my manager, and the customers waiting in line, including a small child. Two customers actually vomited. I was forced to clean the mess. The real sting in the tale is that the customer with the child sued the store and won a $20,000 settlement.)

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Take Note Of The Note, Part 2

| Auckland, New Zealand | Right | March 24, 2014

(I’m a cashier and food server working alone on the morning shift in a small store. I have just served a customer and he is waiting for his fries to cook.)

Customer #1: “How long until my chips are ready?”

Me: “1 minute and 45 seconds away.”

Customer #2: “Hey, man. I don’t mean to be a bother, but I’m in a hurry. Can you change some money for me?”

Me: “Possibly. How much do you need changed?

(Customer #2 holds up a $20 note.)

Me: “Yeah, sure. Why not?” *I take the $20 off of him, and give him two $10 notes*

Customer #2: “Thanks, man.” *leaves the store*

(I have a funny feeling about the exchange, so when I put his note in the till, I fold the bill below just in case. A minute later…)

Customer #2: “Hey, man. You only gave me $20. I gave you three $20 notes.”

Me: “I’m 100% sure you only gave me $20.”

(I am about to offer to take his details which is procedure in these circumstances when he cuts me off.)

Customer #2: “Look, man. I’m not trying to scam you. My cousin gave me $60 and I needed them changed. They might have been stuck together and looked like one bill but there were three. I would like my $40.”

Me: “I am 100% sure you only gave me $20. If you had asked to change $60 I would have said no in the first place. I also folded the bill below so I can check should a customer come back.”

Customer #2: *about to begin arguing*

Customer #1: “Dude, you only gave him $20.”

Customer #2: *stammers* “Oh, really. My bad, then!”

(Customer #2 walks of rather fast, only to stop at the door, come back, and grab the two $10 notes he’s left on the counter. A few seconds later, Customer #1’s order is ready.)

Me: “Here’s your chips and some sauce on the house, for before.”

Customer #1: “Thanks. So was that guy trying to scam you or what?! He seemed genuine and dodgy at the same time.”

Me: “Yeah, but he didn’t come back to change the other $20 notes.”

Customer #1: “I wouldn’t hate Monday mornings if I saw something that entertaining each week!”

 

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Technology That Makes You Cry

Tacoma Area, WA, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

(I’m working at the self-checkout area assisting customers when issues arise, such as weight discrepancies, inputting coupons, and just giving general help with the system. One customer has a lot of produce which requires a produce code to be input in order to weigh the items on the scale. One customer is growing increasingly frustrated with the produce look-up feature.)

Customer: *frustrated* “I can’t find where the celery is.”

Me: “You know…” *shows him feature* “you can actually look things up by name, spelling it out, instead of searching by category. It goes much faster that way. As you type in the letters for the name it’ll narrow the choices.”

Customer: “Oh, ok. That is much faster.”

(The customer continues for a few minutes with inputting his produce. It takes him a bit but he’s slowly catching on and learning the system. He stops, stumped, when he can’t find one.)

Customer: “What is this?” *holds up an onion, looking very confused*

Me: “… That would be an onion.”

Customer: “No, I mean the code. I can’t find it.”

Me: *laughing* “Oh! 4665.”

(My coworker starts crying because she was laughing so hard at the onion comment and had to walk away for a minute to lose it. We still laugh about ‘that’s an onion’ to this day.)

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You Wouldn’t Beliebe It

| TX, USA | Right | March 24, 2014

(We have pre-teen Justin Bieber cut outs in our store, along with party accessories.)

Customer: “I was wondering if you have any ‘Justine Bieber’ stuff.”

Me: *thinking nothing of how she said the name* “Right this way! We have the pre-teen Bieber, if that’s what you’re looking for.”

Customer: “No, I was wanting the cut out stand. You know, the cardboard ones you can buy.”

Me: “OH! Yes, I don’t think we have any set up in the store, but we have some in the back. They’re $34.97 for one.”

Customer: “That’s really high!”

Me: “I agree. It’s a bit much for some cardboard, but girls seem to love owning them.”

Customer: “That’s true. My granddaughter keeps asking for one.”

Me: “Well, let me just look in the back to see if we have one.” *goes to back and brings out a still-packaged cut out*

Customer: “Oh, this one is pre-teen, too.”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we don’t have any new Bieber items.”

Customer: *frowning at the cut out* “Just as well. I don’t really like my granddaughter having this Bieber stuff. Have you see how she looks?”

Me: “Sorry? Your granddaughter?”

Customer: “No, ‘Justine Bieber.’ She’d be so much prettier if she’d grow her hair out, is what I mean. With her hair all spiked up how it is, she looks like a lesbian!”

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