Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 7

| UK | Bigotry, Bizarre

(I have just finished swimming at a public pool and am going to get changed. A woman in her early 40s is standing near my locker. I am wearing speedos, but I am 16 and slim so it doesn’t usually bother people.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t be wearing those.”

Me: “Sorry?”

(She approaches me and points at my speedos.)

Woman: “You shouldn’t wear those trunks. They’re what gay people wear!”

Me: *speechless*

Woman: “Are you gay?”

Me: “No, I’m not. I just find them comfortable to swim in.”

Woman: “Well, if you’re not gay, you shouldn’t be wearing them!”

(She then grabs the waistband of my speedos and tries to pull them down. Thankfully they’re tied tight. I slap her hands away.)

Me: “Woah, what the h***?!”

Woman: “You need to get them off or you’ll become gay!”

(The sound of her screaming draws the attention of a lifeguard, who wanders over.)

Lifeguard: “What’s going on here?”

Woman: “Get away from me!”

(The woman runs off, leaving me and the lifeguard to look at one another in confusion. I’ve now started swimming at a different pool!)

Related:
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 6
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 5
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 4
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 2
Dim Witted And Off The Deep End

Of Big Mouths And Even Bigger Customers

| Waynesboro, PA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Top, Underaged

(At the gas station where I work, a bunch of young, smart-mouthed customers are holding up the line, talking about how f***ed up they’re going to get that night. I call several times but they’re too busy goofing off to notice. Eventually, a large, 6’6″ and ripped middle-aged gentleman who is also waiting taps one of the young customers on his shoulder. The young customer almost mouths off to the large gentleman, but thinks better of it and turns to me.)

Young Customer: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “I’m gonna need to see your ID.”

Young Customer: “I’m gonna need to see YOUR ID!”

(I immediately pull out my wallet and flip it open so it’s showing my ID.)

Me: “Still gonna need to see your ID.”

Young Customer: “Look, a**hole! I’m old enough to buy alcohol and you will sell me—”

(At this moment, the large and ripped gentleman who has been patiently waiting behind walks up, pushes the smart-mouthed customer out of the way, and puts his stuff down.)

Gentleman: “Hey, can I get a pack of cigarettes?’

Me: “Not a problem, sir.”

Gentleman: *to the young customer* “THAT’S how easy it is for adults. Maybe you’ll get there someday.”

Melteasers

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “I want a bag of Malteasers.”

Me: “Sure, just a moment…”

(I reach under the counter and take a bag of Malteasers from the drawer.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want those!”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “Those ones you keep below the counter are all crushed up together! ”

(She bangs the bag up and down on the counter. If they weren’t before, they’re probably a bit crushed now.)

Me: “They felt fine when I took them out, but I can get you another.”

Customer: “I want those ones!”

(The customer points to the wall behind me. We hang some expired stock there just to show what we have available.)

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s just for display. It’s expired stock.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I want one of those.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(I reach for a nearby bag on the wall.)

Customer: “No, not that one! I want one of the ones up there. Right up the top!”

Me: “Those are under the lights. They’ve probably melted.”

Customer: “One of those!”

Me: “Okay…”

(I scramble onto the counter behind me and take down one of the expired, partially melted bags at the top of the wall.)

Me: “That’s $5.50.”

Customer: “THANK YOU!”

It Pays To Be Patient, Part 5

| Tennessee, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(After visiting an out-of-state friend, I’m taking the bus back to my home. On the way back, the bus stops in Tennessee, and I take the opportunity to grab a bite to eat at the bus stations diner. Going to the counter, I realize that the current customer is really going at it with the poor girl behind the register, who seems to have some sort of mental disability, and is having a very hard time understanding the woman’s order.)

Employee: “So, that was… cheese fries and—”

Customer: “Are you deaf?! I said a hot dog. A hot dog!”

Employee: “Yes, a hot dog, ma’am. Are you still wanting the cheese fries that you—”

Customer: “Why the f*** do you keep bringing up cheese fries! I never f***ing said anything about cheese fries!”

(The poor employee looks close to tears at this point, and people surrounding the counter are starting to stare.)

Employee: “Yes, ma’am, I understand. I’m sorry for my misunderstanding.”

Customer: *sighs* “Honestly, the standards of these places…”

(The customer steps to the side, muttering to herself, and I place my order. I speak calmly and make sure to apologize for how the previous customer has treated the employee. While I’m still waiting for my food, the annoyed customer’s meal comes up. Coming back to the counter, she takes one look and it’s obvious something is wrong.)

Customer: “Where are my godd*** cheese fries?! Are you really that stupid?!”

Employee: “Ma’am… I thought… I’ll get them for you ma’am.”

(While the customer is still waiting on the cheese fries that she clearly did not order, she turns to me to complain.)

Customer: “Can you believe these people? I’ve been on a bus for four hours and I can only be treated this well? Honestly, did you see that? Is she stupid?”

Me: “Yes ma’am, I did see that, and I don’t think she’s stupid. She treated you with more respect than I think you’ve treated anyone your entire life. You’ve been on a bus for four hours? She’s been working this job, dealing with people like you for a while now. I think we know who’s better off.”

(My food comes up, and I collect it.)

Me: *to the employee* “Thank you!”

Employee: *gives me a small smile*

(After this, the customer just stood there and stared, embarrassed. Thankfully, I didn’t see her again before left. And to top it off, I got a free drink!)

Related:
It Pays To Be Patient, Part 4
It Pays To Be Patient, Part 3
It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2
It Pays To Be Patient

Acting Odd Over Even

| Canada | Math & Science, Money, Top

(I’m cashing out a customer and her total comes to an even number, $14. The following exchange takes place.)

Me: “That will be $14 please.”

Customer: “How much?”

Me: “$14, please.”

Customer: “Ugh, no, how much EXACTLY do I owe?”

Me: “Um, the total is $14 even, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I want to know the EXACT total, right to the penny! Stop rounding it up or down. I’m on a tight budget and I need to know the exact amount. I’d like to pay in exact change.”

Me: “I’m sorry, you misunderstood. Your exact total IS $14… an even, round $14.”

Customer: “Look, get me your manager, please.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll call her up.”

(I call my manager on the intercom and she comes right up.)

Manager: “Yes? What’s the problem?”

Me: “Well, this lady here—”

Customer: “NO! THIS lady here is trying to scam me out of money. She keeps rounding up my total so she can keep the change!”

Manager: *to me* “Is this true?”

Me: “No, her total is exactly $14. That’s what I told her. Here, look at my screen display…”

(My manager looks, and sure enough the total is $14 even.)

Manager: “Well, ma’am, I know it’s rare but it does happen that sometimes with the right combination of items we get a nice, even total like this one. But you do owe us $14. She isn’t rounding it up. Here, just look at the price display screen.”

Customer: “BULLS***! This is ridiculous! No total is ever an even amount! I demand that you fix this immediately! Re-scan everything yourself! This little b**** rounded up my total!”

Manager: “Okay, first, don’t insult my employees. Second, you are agitating my other customers with your language. There are young children close by. Third, I will gladly re-scan everything for you, and after I do, I expect you to pay the $14 that you owe us or leave my store with nothing.”

Customer: “Just scan my s***. D*** son of a b****, I’ll use whatever language I want in the f***ing store. These kids hear worst language at home when their parents are f***ing!”

(The manager voids the transaction and re-enters each item as he goes. He hands the customer a pen and paper and has her write down each amount as he goes. He then gives her a calculator to figure out the tax and they add it all up. It comes to exactly $14.)

Customer: “Well, I don’t know what you did, but this still can’t be right. No amount at any store anywhere EVER comes to an exact amount. You guys are scammers!”

(The customer pays and leaves. Unbelievably, the next customer in line had a total of $7.77. He saw it as a sign of good luck and tipped me a toonie!)

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