Check For Nerve Damage

| New York, USA | Food & Drink

(A customer orders a cold drink and a hot drink.)

Me: “Here’s your first drink.”

Customer: “Is this the hot or cold one?”

(She’s holding the cup in her hand at this point, which is very obviously warm to the touch.)

Me: *trying to not laugh* “That’s the hot drink. Your cold drink is coming right up.”

Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 3

| British Columbia, Canada | Uncategorized

(We have kiosks in our location that provide a number of services. We also have an online service that provides some different options than we are able to provide in the store. A woman in her 30s is on the kiosk closest to me trying to order something that we don’t do in the store.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m trying to order [product], but I can’t find it on this kiosk.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that item is only available online.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “It’s only available through the computer.”

Customer: *blank look*

Me: “You have to go onto a computer and go to the website to order that item, because it’s not available to order in the store.”

Customer: “What computer?”

Me: “You have to get onto the internet and order that product from our website.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying! What’s a website?”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web, Part 2
Log On To The Clueless Wide Web

All Karma’d Out

| Australia | Holidays

Customer: “Do you have any boxed Christmas cards?”

Me: “Yes, we have two shelves over there. Have you seen those?”

Customer: “Yes, but do you have any that don’t donate to charity?”

Me: “I don’t think so.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll go shopping somewhere else!”

Like A Snake Eating Its Own Email

| Ann Arbor, MI, USA | Technology

(A customer has ordered an SSL certificate to enable https on their website.)

Me: “You should receive a confirmation email with a link.”

Customer: “Is this the email?”

(The customer sends me a copy of the email, including the link he needs.)

Me: “Yes. If you follow the instructions in the email, your certificate will be installed automatically.”

Customer: “I didn’t receive the email. Resend, please!”

Above And Beyond The Call

, | Norway | Uncategorized

(I talk to customers that call us for information about their debt. An old man, probably around 80 years old, calls.)

Me: “[Company name], you are speaking to [name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi. I just took some of my wife’s pills by mistake. Is that dangerous?”

Me: “Sir, I work at a debt collection agency. I can’t give you a good answer to that.”

Caller: “What? Why not? I need help with this. Who can I call if you can’t help me?”

Me: “You should problably call your doctor or an ambulance, if you need one.”

Caller: “All right, what is my doctor’s name and number?”

(I search for local doctors by looking at his area code. We have caller ID.)

Me: “Try [number].”

Caller: “Thank you!” *hangs up*

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