Some Customers Are Asking For It

, | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Food & Drink, Top

Me: “Hey there, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I’ll have a coffee, a burger, and a muffin.”

Me: “Okay, what size coffee would you like?”

Customer: “Small.”

Me: “Any cream or sugar in that?”

Customer: “Double double.”

Me: “And what kind of muffin would you like?”

Customer: “Do you have to ask so many questions?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it’s hard when you don’t specify anything you want.”

Customer: “Are you kidding?! I told you very clearly a coffee, a muffin, a burger!”

Me: “Yes, but you didn’t tell me what size, how you like the coffee, what muffin, and what burger, and as you can see there are a few different—”

Customer: “I’d like to speak to your manager!”

Manager: “I’m right here. If you’d like a large black coffee, a bran muffin, and a bacon cheese burger, then we don’t have to ask you any more questions.”

Customer: “That’s not what I want at all!”

Manager: “Then let’s answer the questions and stop complaining, shall we?”

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Dub And Dubber

| Manitoba, Canada | Language & Words

(An older gentleman comes in to return a movie he’s rented the night before. It’s clearly stated on the movie case that it’s a foreign action film that is subtitled in English; there is also the option to have it dubbed over in English or French.)

Customer: “I want a refund on this movie!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that! Did it not work?”

Customer: “No, it worked, but it wasn’t in English! I want my d*** money back!”

Me: “The subtitles or dubbing wouldn’t work?”

Customer: “I didn’t even watch it. I want my money back!”

Me: “Oh! I understand. Did you try going into the set up menu to change the language setting?”

(The customer looks at me, confused, so I show him the language options on the back of the case.)

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW! I just want a refund. It was stupid!”

Me: “So… the movie worked… and you didn’t even try to change the settings… and there’s a sign behind me that says if there’s a problem with a movie you have to let us know the same day or no exchanges/refunds… and you want me to give you your money back?”

(With that, the customer goes from being extremely agitated to looking sheepish.)

Customer: “…no.” *leaves store*

Verbal Profusion May Lead To Order Confusion

| Indiana, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a small casual dining restaurant. On this particular occasion, I am working on the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi! May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I want three tenderloins.”

Me: “Alright, and is ketchup, mustard, pickle, and onion okay on those?”

Customer: “No. On one, I want nothing.”

Me: “Okay, so plain?”

Customer: “Nothing but pickle.”

Me: “Okay, and on the other two?”

Customer: “On one, I want mayo and ketchup. But I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom.”

Me: “No problem, sir.”

Customer: “No! I want mayo on both sides and ketchup on the bottom and whatever else in the middle.”

Me: “Sir, we don’t put anything in the middle of the tenderloin. So, do you just want ketchup and mayo?”

Customer: “No, I mean I want mustard and mayo. Mustard on the top and mayo on the bottom. Um, I mean mayo on the top and mustard on the bottom. Ketchup.”

Me: *confused* “Okay, sir.”

Customer: “On the other one, I want mayo on both sides then everything on the bottom.”

Me:  “Okay, just to make sure I have your order right: you want one tenderloin with pickle only. You want another tenderloin with mayo on the top of the tenderloin and mustard on the bottom, then you would like a third tenderloin with ketchup, mustard, pickle, onion, and mayo on the bottom and then mayo on the top. Am I correct?”

Customer: “Yeah, the one with just mayo and mustard I want mayo on the top and ketchup on the bottom. I mean, I want mustard on the bottom. Do you have it?”

Me: “I believe I do, sir. Please pull forward.”

(Note: I’ve had another customer waiting at the window to pay as I took the confusing customer’s order, and she has heard everything. I take her money and apologize for the delay.)

Me: “I’m sorry that took so long. I’m still not sure if I know what he wants.”

Other Customer: “I don’t think HE knows what he wants!”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 8

| Somerville, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Money

Customer: “Can I get two pounds of potato salad? The one on sale.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(At our store, the salad containers come in three sizes. The largest one holds roughly two pounds of salad. I fill the large container for the her and it weighs slightly over two pounds. I print out the price label.)

Customer: “Wait a second, you are ripping me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “How the h*** can it be over 6 dollars? It’s on sale!”

Me: “Ma’am, the salad is $2.99 a pound on sale. It’s slightly over two pounds, so that’s why it’s more than six dollars. Would you like me to take some salad out?”

Customer: “Bulls***! It’s only $2.99 a pound. That’s just over two dollars a pound. How can it be that much?”

Me: “Ma’am, ma’am… please, hear me out. It’s $2.99, right? That’s almost $3. If you add 3 and 3 together…”

Customer: “Do I look stupid to you? You add $2.99 and $2.99…”

(Suddenly, there is a look of realization in her eyes. She takes the salad from the counter and briskly turns away without saying another word.)

Related:
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 7
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 6
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 5
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 4
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 3
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up, Part 2
Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire, Part 2

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

(A young customer is trying to purchase cigars, so I ask for his ID. Note: I’m Caucasian, and so is he.)

Customer: “Why you askin’ for my ID for cigars? They ain’t cigarettes.”

Me: “It is a tobacco product and illegal to sell to minors.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Gimme a swisher! You’re just racist against me! Gimme a f***ing swisher!”

(Suddenly, the customer behind him speaks up. It turns out they’re a police officer.)

Officer: “He can’t without your ID. If you have a problem with it, let’s go outside. We can call your parents and we’ll have discussion about disturbing the peace.”

Customer: *turns pale and leaves*

Related:
Where There’s Smoke, There’s Backfire

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