Hot Coffee Is Cold Comfort

| IL, USA | Right | March 19, 2014

(It is the coldest day our area has had in decades, with wind chills reaching -50. Regardless, our theater is still relatively busy.)

Customer: *while walking the opposite direction from me down a hallway* “You should give us free popcorn or something because we came out here in this cold!”

Me: “Sir, unlike me, you came here willingly. I’d rather be home, but I’m working because you’re here.”

Coworker: “You should have told him that they should be bringing us free coffee for having to deal with them!”

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Serving Justice One Slice At A Time

| Victorville, CA, USA | Right | March 19, 2014

(I take gunsmithing classes. I also deliver pizza as a job and volunteer as a Police Explorer. One night a customer who lives in the projects sees me in uniform.)

Customer: “You deliver pizza!”

Me: “Yes, I do.”

Customer: “Well, you never saw any of that stuff at my place!”

Me: “What stuff?”

Customer: “Exactly! You never saw it!”

(Too bad I never remembered his address. Might have been able to get a warrant to find out what stuff he didn’t have there.)

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He’s Fully Armed

, | Edmonton, AB, Canada | Right | March 19, 2014

(I am watching the walk-through metal detector when two teenagers line up to walk through. The first walks through. It doesn’t alarm and he gets excited. Then the second boy walks through…)

Me: “Okay, walk through.”

(The teenager walks through timidly then stops and stares at me.)

Me: “You’re good to go.”

(He then looks at his arms in astonishment.)

Teenager: “Wow, I’m surprised these guns didn’t set it off!”

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From The Mouth Of Babes, Part 6

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Right | March 18, 2014

(I work at a hockey stadium ticket booth. A customer is using the ‘F’ word a ridiculous amount of times. Everyone is getting tired of this guy, but none faster than the six-year-old girl behind him in line.)

Little Girl:  “My Mom says if ya can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all!”

Crowd: *various sounds of agreement and thanks that she said what they felt they couldn’t*

Customer: “Well your mom must be a [10-second string of words and phrases that should NEVER be spoken to a child, EVER].”

Little Girl:  *crinkles her face up* “If you followed that rule you’d never talk again!”

(The crowd laughs loudly at the remark, and the foul-mouthed customer and his friend are shamed out of line. I comped half her father’s order.)

 

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Wish You Could Just Hide In A Wardrobe

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Right | March 18, 2014

(I’m a hostess at a restaurant. I am getting a customer’s information for a reservation later that night.)

Me: “Can I get your last name?”

Customer: “Aslan.”

Me: “Oh! Like the lion from Narnia!”

Customer: “Yes!” *laughs hysterically”

(Later that night the customer comes for her reservation. I have already left for the day and there is a new hostess on for night shift.)

Customer: *approaches host stand and ROARS at the hostess*

Hostess: “Uhm… excuse me?”

Customer: “Like the lion!?”

Hostess: “… Right.”

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