Laptop Flop, Part 5

| Finland | Right | November 22, 2013

(A customer walks in with a cheap supermarket-branded laptop. She insists it’s only a tiny problem, but it turns out to be a malware-ridden horror show with no anti-virus software installed at all. I spend over 30 minutes cleaning it up with the customer standing behind my back. I recommend installing an anti-virus package, which the customer refuses. She then picks up her machine, and tries to walk out.)

Me: “Excuse me, aren’t you forgetting something?”

Customer: “…Huh?”

Me: “The service fee is 45 euros.”

Customer: “Oh, come on! The computer was already expensive, and now this?!”

Me: “I guess we couldn’t go on for long if we worked for free.”

Customer: “But this is what you nerds do on your free time anyway!”

Related:
Laptop Flop, Part 4
Laptop Flop, Part 3
Laptop Flop, Part 2
Laptop Flop

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A Detergent Deterrence

| Right | November 21, 2013

Driving In Laps

| Ohrid, Macedonia | Right | November 21, 2013

(I used to work as a police officer back in old Yugoslavia. One summer night, I do a routine stop for a speeder. Surprisingly, it’s an old Fiat 500. I walk up and the window rolls down. I see the driver, a man. On his lap is a woman.)

Me: “Um, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Man: “Yes, I think I was speeding.”

Me: “You think? Well, it’s also because you have a woman on your lap.”

Man: “What are you talking about? I don’t have anyone on my lap!”

Me: “Sir, I am not stupid. There is a woman on your lap!”

Man: “Officer, I assure you there is no woman on my lap! Have you been drinking tonight?”

Me: “Okay, then. Sir, please step out of the car.”

Man: “What? I’ve done nothing wron—”

Me: “Step out of the car, sir.”

(The man comes out and so does the woman on his lap. As they exit, I look into the car and see another man in the passenger seat, also with a woman on his lap.)

Me: “Everyone step out of the car!”

(The other man and his woman friend step out as well, but unbelievably I see another 6 women come out of the back seat, 3 of whom had been sitting on the other women’s laps. As they all line up in front of me, I still can’t believe my eyes. 10 people—2 men and 8 women—somehow piled into this one tiny little car. I was so astonished that I let them go! I just made sure no one was drunk and that the driver had an open lap. Even then, I still followed them home to make sure they didn’t get into a wreck.)

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This Train Is All Stops To The Edge Of Reason

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | November 21, 2013

(I’m going through the gate to the subway when I hear a woman talking to an attendant.)

Woman #1: “I only have $2 of the regular $3 fare.”

Attendant: *very amicably* “Don’t worry about it! Just go through.”

(Later on the platform, I overhear this loud exchange between the same woman, Woman #1, and her friend, Woman #2.)

Woman #1: “That’s what’s wrong with this city nowadays!”

Woman #2: “What are you talking about?”

Woman #1: “That idiot just let me pay $2 for a subway fare! TTC (our transit system) is always talking about how they don’t have any money, but he let me pay $2!”

Woman #2: “The transit system is going to h***!”

(I guess you really can’t make some people happy!)

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The Warranty Comes Warranted

| Leicester, England, UK | Right | November 21, 2013

(A young customer comes wandering in during lunchtime, fiddling with the laptops on display.)

Me: “Ma’am, can I help you?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, please. I’d like to buy a laptop.”

Me: “Certainly. What would you be using it for?”

Customer: “Facebook, Skype, iTunes, and Civilisation IV. And typing, I guess.”

(I show her a sturdy Dell.)

Customer: “Excellent, I’ll take it. Does it come with a warranty?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, Dell offers a standard one-year warranty.”

Customer: “Uhm, would it be possible to get a… longer warranty?”

Me: “We offer an additional three year full warranty for [amount] more.”

Customer: “Does it cover… like… EVERYTHING? Like, maybe, falling down stairs, getting rolled over by suitcases, accidental cups of coffee?”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Yes, Ma’am. Everything.”

Customer: *sighs, resigned* “I’ll have the full warranty. Something tells me I’ll need it!”

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