Get A Sign Pointing To The Sign

| London, England, UK | Right | February 18, 2014

(When the ticket office is closed customers can buy tickets at the popcorn counter.)

Customer: “Where can I buy tickets?”

Me: “At the popcorn counter.”

Customer: “Well… you should have a sign saying so!”

Me: *pointing at a six-foot tall sign* “Do you mean like that one?”

Customer: “Yes. You should get a sign like that!”

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This Customer Did A One-Eighty

| USA | Right | February 18, 2014

(I’m new, and I have just finished helping a guest with directions to his room. He disappears into the elevator, and after a few minutes, returns.)

Guest: “That elevator is BROKEN!”

Me: “Huh? What do you mean, sir?”

Guest: “I mean, I went in there, pressed the button for my floor, and the elevator went to my floor but the DOORS didn’t OPEN!”

Me: “Did you turn around?”

Guest: “Turn around?!”

Me: “Yes. The doors open behind you.”

(The guest stares at me, and then disappears back into the elevator. He doesn’t return.)

Coworker: “Wow. In the five years I’ve been working here, that is the first time that has happened…”

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First Day Back And Already Pooped

| USA | Right | February 18, 2014

(A customer runs in.)

Customer: *breathlessly* “Where’s your bathroom?”

Me: “Down the hall to the right.”

Customer: *runs off*

(I see him a few minutes later, walking back.)

Customer: “Thanks… Uh, could you tell the person who cleans the bathrooms that I’m sorry?”

Me: *confused* “That you’re sorry?”

Customer: “Yes I tried to hold it in but… I didn’t make it in time.” *leaves*

(I go to the men’s bathroom and take a peek. Feces are everywhere, on the walls, on the floor, on the mirror. It looks like an explosion. I close the door. Sometime later the bathroom cleaner walks in.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “Hey, [My Name]. Good afternoon.”

Me: “Hey. Oh, before you go—”

(Too late, she’s already opened the door to the men’s.)

Bathroom Cleaner: “WHAT THE H*** HAPPENED HERE?”

Me: “Er, well…” *explains*

Bathroom Cleaner: “Geez! I just got back from vacation, to feces on the wall!”

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Dumb Questions

| Right | February 17, 2014

don-t-worry-our-staff-is-accustomed-to-dumb-questions-funny-poster

Some Requests Are Too Exotic

| CA, USA | Right | February 17, 2014

Customer: “Hi. I would like to confirm my order of exotic Mexican dancers for my brother’s bachelor party.”

Me: “Um, sir, are you sure you have the right number? This—”

Customer: “I am getting late! I ordered them yesterday!”

Me: “Sir, this is [Home Retail Store]'”

Customer: “Yeah, I know that! What am I, an idiot?”

Me: “Um—”

Customer: “Of course you would have Mexican dancers! Are you even qualified to work here? Even a KID would know that!”

Me: “Er… sir, are you sure you are calling the right place? THIS IS [HOME RETAIL STORE]. Let me repeat, sir. NOT MEXICO.”

Customer: “SOMEONE NEEDS TO TEACH THIS WOMAN A LESSON ABOUT HER JOB! WHAT KIND OF EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THEIR PRODUCTS ARE?”

(Another employee comes up to me and mouths, ‘I’ll deal with him.’)

Employee: “Sir, what are you looking for?”

Customer: “I’M LOOKING FOR EXOTIC MEXICAN DANCERS FOR A BACHELOR PARTY! YOUR D*** EMPLOYEE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE IS DOING!”

Employee: “Oh, I found your order. Repeat your order for me please?” *winks at me*

Customer: “Finally! Someone who knows their job! The number is [number].”

Employee: “Thank you for your order. For the inconvenience, you will get them free. Expect them around 6:30 pm. Enjoy your party!”

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