Baby Talk To Make You Balk

| Newport News, VA, USA | Right | October 28, 2013

(My neighbors have gone out for the day, and have asked me to babysit their youngest daughter, who is about two years old. I bring her to the mall so we can do a little shopping. I have her strapped into her stroller, and am pushing her around through the clothes racks. As I pause to look at some tops, a rather large customer walks past a rack, and knocks off some of the merchandise. She bends over to pick up the clothes.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! That lady got a fat a**!”

(The customer rounds on me with a death glare.)

Customer: “What did you just say?!”

(I point at the two-year-old girl, completely mortified.)

Me: “I am so sorry! That was her!”

(The customer opens her mouth to berate me when the two-year-old girl pipes up again.)

Two-Year-Old: “D***! What a fat b****!”

(The customer stares at the little girl in shock before glaring at me again.)

Me: “She’s not mine! I’m just babysitting!” *to the child* “You shouldn’t say things like that! It’s very mean, and rude! Who taught you that anyways?!”

Two-Year-Old: “Big sister! Now buy me candy, b****!”

(I quickly wheeled her away under the glaring gaze of the customer. I didn’t babysit her ever again!)

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Lies, Fired, Sue

| Right | October 28, 2013

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Tipping Like A Boss

| Right | October 28, 2013

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They’re Having A Ball(s)

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | October 28, 2013

(I am sitting next to my mom while she makes a call on speakerphone to her ISP. I witness the conversation.)

Representative: “Hello, thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [Name]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, I need some testicle support.”

Representative: “… I’m sorry?”

Mom: “Testicle support! It doesn’t work right.”

Representative: “Umm… do you mean ‘technical support?'”

Mom: “Yes! What did I say?”

Representative: “Uh, not anything I can repeat.”

(I am struggling to hold my laughter in as I whisper the word to my mom.)

Mom: “Oh! Oh my… I can’t believe I said that! You don’t think I’m a weirdo, do you?”

Representative: *chuckling* “Don’t worry about it. That was the funniest thing I’ve heard all night.”

(From that point on, they make a point of saying the word ‘technical’ whenever possible during the conversation, and all three of us giggle like gossiping schoolgirls when anyone says it. My mom gets to the end of the call…)

Representative: “Thanks for calling [Company] TECHNICAL support.”

Mom: “Thanks for being such a great TESTICLE service rep. The next time I have a TESTICLE issue, I would be thrilled to talk to you again. For now, I’ll leave you to take care of another customer’s TESTICLE issues. Thanks again!”

(As we hang up, the last thing we hear is raucous laughter. We apparently made the night of more than one rep that little bit better. Thanks, Mom, for being such a loony!)

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Check Out With A Check

| Fort Lauderdale, FL, USA | Right | October 28, 2013

(I work at a small, boutique hotel. At about 6:15 am, a guest comes up to the desk to check out.)

Me: “How was your stay, ma’am?”

Guest: “Great!”

Me: “I see that there was a cash deposit on the room. Unfortunately, as you were told at check-in, we are not able to process the deposit at this time, as it is locked in the safe, and the person who can open it will not be here until 9 am. I apologize for the inconvenience.”

Guest: “That’s unacceptable! I can’t believe you are refusing to give me my money! I am going to complain to Corporate. Now give me my money!”

Me: “I am sorry, but I as I just explained to you, I am unable to do that at this time.”

Guest: “I don’t care! What a rip-off! You will give me my money now! I am not coming back to this h***-hole!”

Me: “No problem; we will send a check to the address we have on file.”

Me: “That’s not acceptable! I demand you f****** crooks give me my money!”

(This goes on for another 10 minutes; every time I try to explain the issues, she cuts me off. Finally, I have had enough.)

Me: *firmly* “Madam! If you would allow me to finish, the only guest we have on record for that room is a 32-year-old man. Is Mr. [Name] with you?”

Guest: “No! He said I could get it for him. Now give me my money!”

Me: “In that case, ma’am, I’m afraid you just don’t get it.”

Guest: ” Listen, fat-a**. Give me my money, or I’ll break your face!”

Me: “We have no authority to let anyone besides the registered guest receive those funds, after the room has been inspected, and the safe has been opened. Now, this conversation is over! Please leave the property before I call the police to have you removed.”

(My boss has just come in, and he also orders her off the property. When she tries to go after him, he instructs me to call 911. We finally get her to leave before the police arrive. My boss turns to me.)

Boss: “You’re too patient! She’s probably a hooker trying to score herself a tip! Call 911 first next time!”

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