Let’s Address How You’re Even Dressing Yourself

, | Seattle, WA, USA | Extra Stupid

(A customer in her mid-30s approaches me. Note that we use the same standard sizing that is commonly found in other clothing stores.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What size am I?”

Me: “Well, what size clothes are you wearing right now?”

Customer: “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

Me: “Well, why don’t we get you a size that looks right and you try those on?”

Customer: “And then what?”

Me: “If they’re too big, then you try on the size that’s smaller until you find the right one.”

Customer: “Great idea. Thank you!”

DNR, Aisle 3

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

(An elderly gentleman approaches my register, unloads a few groceries onto the belt, and waits while I begin ringing his items up.)

Me: “Hello, sir! How are you doing today?”

Customer: *very angrily* “FINE!”

Me: “Did you happen to find everything okay today?”

Customer: “NO!”

Me: “I am so sorry, sir. Is there anything that I can help you with today?”

Customer: *very loudly exclaiming* “I’m alive, aren’t I?!”

Related:
With Each (Not) Passing Day

So Much For Spit & Run

, | Copenhagen, Denmark | At The Checkout, Top, Wild & Unruly

(In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

Boss: “What happened?”

Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

(My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

Customer: “F*** you!”

(The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

(Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

Customer: *shuts up*

(We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 8

| Alabama, USA | Funny Names

(A coworker and I are walking around the theater seeing if anything needs to be done. A woman and about 6 children are walking down the hallway. One of the young girls starts running around.)

Customer: “Bella! Bella! Stop running, Bella! Bella!”

(She looks at her young son who is behaving well and pats him on the head.)

Customer: “Good job, Edward.”

Me: *speechless*

Coworker: “I wonder what the others are named.”

Related:
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 7
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

Forbidden Fruits (& Veggies)

| Washington, USA | Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(A middle-aged woman, her mother, and her three year old walk into my sandwich shop.)

Mother: *to child* “What do you want today?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Okay, what kind?”

Child: “A samminch!”

Mother: “Do you want turkey?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “Do you want ham?”

Child: “NO!”

Mother: “I AIN’T RAISIN’ NO VEGETARIAN!”

Page 1,773/2,995First...1,7711,7721,7731,7741,775...Last