Raisin Wine Awareness

| TX, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer comes up to the counter, and looks at a bottle of wine we’re sampling.)

Customer: “What’s this?”

Me: “It’s a tempranillo.”

Customer: “What is a ‘temper-nillo’?”

Me: “It’s a red grape from Spain.”

(The customer picks up the sample cup, and looks at it in confusion.)

Customer: “This is a grape? I could’ve sworn this was wine.” *knocks sample back* “How about that!”

About To Kick The Can

| Mount Vernon, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Good afternoon. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. I was wondering how I can delete stuff from my trash bin?”

Me: “That’s an easy fix. Just right click on the icon, and click ’empty recycling bin’. Got that?”

Customer: *clicking noise* “Okay. Now, how do I get them back?”

Their Question Speaks Volumes

| Rockwall, TX, USA | Uncategorized

Me: “Welcome! How may I help you?”

Customer: “How much will I save if I ask really loudly to have this laminated?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The sign in the window says you give ‘large volume discounts’.”

Eggs Aren’t The Only Things Getting Beaten

| Naperville, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(My restaurant has a deal. If the lunch time food takes longer than 15 minutes to deliver to the table, the meal is free. I explain the concept to a table of three customers.)

Me: “If I don’t have that food out for you in 15 minutes, you guys don’t have to pay for lunch!”

Customer: “Wait. If you take too long and we don’t have to pay, does the price of the food come out of your salary?”

Me: *jokingly* “Oh, no, but my managers do take me outback and beat me.”

Customer: *pauses* “Can I watch?”

If You’re Rude, You Get Screwed

| Berlin, Germany | Top

(I am serving a customer. He appears to be trying to impress his girlfriend.)

Customer: “This wine is corked!”

Me: “No, sir. It’s not corked.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! How dare you? A simple server should never say I’m lying! I want to speak to the manager!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “This wine is corked, and this guy is calling me a liar!”

Manager, to me: “How can you be so sure his wine is not corked?”

Me: “The bottle had a screw cap.”