No Meat In Their Brain

| Orlando, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

(I’m waiting in line to get a sandwich when I overhear this conversation between a customer in line ahead of me and the employee behind the counter.)

Customer: “What kind of meat comes on the vegetarian sub?”

Employee: “Uh… the vegetarian sub doesn’t have any meat on it, ma’am. That’s why it’s called the vegetarian sub.”

Customer: “Well, that sounds bland and boring as h***. Who the h*** would eat that?”

Employee: “A vegetarian?”

Customer: “Well I’m a vegetarian, and I wouldn’t eat a sub with no meat on it!”

Employee: “Uh… how can you be a vegetarian if you eat meat, ma’am?”

Customer: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

Employee: “Vegetarians are people who don’t eat meat.”

Customer: *snorts* “No they’re not, you idiot! A vegetarian is just someone who likes vegetables! It doesn’t mean you can’t eat meat too!”

Employee: “I’m pretty sure it means someone who ONLY eats vegetables, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever. I’m never eating here again. If you’re too f****** stupid to understand what a vegetarian is, you’d probably screw up my sandwich anyway!” *storms out*

Declawing The Villains

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

(A customer and her five-year-old son enter the store.)

Me: “Hi, is there anything you’re looking for today?”

Little Boy: “I know what that means!”

Me: “…what, what means?”

Little Boy: “That!”

(The boy points at the pins on my lanyard.)

Little Boy: “That’s Dr Claw’s sign! You like Inspector Gadget!”

Me: “You are the first person to know that.”

Little Boy: “Claw is a silly name. If Dr Claw ever bothers you, I’ll punch him.”

Me: “Thanks, kid. That’s sweet.”

Refunder Blunder

| Rochester Hills, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

(A customer has walked up to my register carrying a bag from a competitor. We’re a well-known, national chain drugstore and our stores are fairly small. The competitor is a major big box retailer. The names are not similar and our primary color is blue; the competitor’s color is red. The competitor is located on the other end of town.)

Customer: “I need to make a return.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s still in the bag.”

(I reach into the bag and find a private brand item from the competitor and a receipt, also from the competitor.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, unfortunately this item was purchased at another store, so I’m afraid I can’t do a return for you here.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I bought it here yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is generic brand for a different store. It is not possible you bought it here.”

Customer: “Yes I did! The receipt is right there!”

Me: “The only receipt in this bag is from [competitor].”

Customer: “YES.”

Me: “You’re at [my store].”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: “Not [competitor].”

Customer: *blank stare*

Me: *holding up the circular* “You’re at [my store]. I cannot accept a return from [competitor], as it’s a different company, and this is not a brand that we carry. You need to go to [competitor] to return this item.”

Customer: “Oh! You’re not [competitor]!”