Deranged Exchange

| Miami, FL, USA | Right | February 24, 2014

(I work at an electronic cigarette store in a popular local mall. I have just returned from a month-long vacation. I’m counting inventory when a customer approaches.)

Customer: “I bought this from you two weeks ago.”

Me: “From me personally, sir? I’ve been on vacation for the last month, but I’d be happy to help yo—”

Customer: “Yes. I’m sure it was you. The product isn’t working.”

Me: “Can I take a look? Often times it’s a quick fix.”

Customer: “No. I’d just like to exchange it.”

Me: “Okay, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. Just give me a new one.”

Me: “Sure. Let me see if I can diagnose the problem and perhaps you can keep the one you have after all. If not I’ll be happy to replace it.”

Customer: “I didn’t bring it with me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Well? Are you going to exchange it?”

Me: “Unfortunately I’m unable to process an exchange without you giving me the product back.”

Customer: “Just give me another one for free!”

Me: “Sir, as I stated, I unfortunately cannot give you a new product for free without receiving the old one from you.”

Customer: “Fine. In that case I’d like to return it.”

Me: “Again, sir. I cannot give you back your money if you do not have the product to return to me.”

Customer: “NOBODY TOLD ME THAT! THEY SAID I COULD COME BACK AND RETURN IT WITHIN TWO WEEKS, AND IT’S BEEN TWO WEEKS!”

Me: *remaining calm* “So, let me get this straight: you want to return your product and get your money back, but you don’t have the actual product to ‘return’ to me?”

Customer: “YES! WHY IS THIS SO F****** DIFFICULT?! GIVE ME MY MONEY OR I’LL KICK YOUR A**!”

(The man pushes me. I am a bit shocked that this has escalated so quickly but I keep my composure.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that will not be possible.”

Customer: “YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF LIARS AND CHEATS! I WILL CALL THE POLICE!”

Me: “I would be happy to provide you with the number of the local police department if you’d like. Then when they get here you can explain to them how you assaulted me and threatened to ‘kick my a**’ when I very nicely explained that I cannot process a return for an item that you are not actually returning.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “So, would you like that number? Or I can call if that would be more convenient for you, sir.”

Customer: “Well… F*** you!” *storms off*

Me: *yelling to the customer as he leaves* “You have a pleasant evening, too, sir!”

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5 Stories Of Hilarious Lawlessness

Not Always Right | Right | February 23, 2014

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of Hilarious Lawlessness These customers learn the hard way that crime doesn’t pay!

  1. In Real Hot Sauce Now (10,687 thumbs up)
  2. Dovahkiin’s Day Off (4,249 thumbs up)
  3. Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy (4,219 thumbs up)
  4. When Two Wrongs Make It Right (6,702 thumbs up)
  5. Needs To Press Paws (5,955 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

My Unfair Lady

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Right | February 23, 2014

(I work in an adult-themed shop. A female customer has just walked up to make a purchase.)

Me: “Hello. How are you today?”

Customer: *grumbles*

Me: “Okay… Did you find everything?”

Customer: *grumbles*

(I take this as my hint to stop trying to be helpful and just get this over with as soon as possible.)

Me: “All right. Your total is [price].”

Customer: *handing me money* “You really should be ashamed of yourself, you know.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You must not be a proper lady, working in a place like this. Shameful!”

Me: “You mean me working here, trying to make a living and keep my bills down, is shameful compared to you walking in my store to buy smut and hooker clothes, then acting very rude towards me?”

(The customer turns bright red, pays, and leaves.)

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2,894
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Suffering A Bipolar Vortex

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Right | February 23, 2014

(I am from California but am visiting some family in Toronto. It’s late December and extremely cold. I’m at a liquor store with my cousin when the customer behind me notices my California ID.)

Customer: “You’re a long way from home! What brings you out here?”

Me: “I’m visiting some family.”

Customer: “What do you think about the weather?”

Me: “It’s actually quite refreshing. It’s nice having a change of scenery but I don’t think I could do this all the time.”

Customer: *huffy* “Well, it’s not like this all the time! It’s only cold for about five months! How dare you assume that, you ignorant American!”

Me: “No, no, no. Of course I know it’s not cold year round. I meant that I personally couldn’t deal with the winter months every year!”

Customer: “You lying b****! You’re just trying to cover your a**! You stupid Americans think we just live in igloos. I know your type!”

Me: “I promise you I don’t think that it’s this cold year round. I’ve come to visit many times in the summer.”

Customer: “Stupid American b****!”

(My cousin and I just walk away while she continues to hurl insults at me.)

1 Thumbs
1,400
VOTES

5 Stories Of Hilarious Lawlessness

| Not Always Right | Right | February 23, 2014

Weekly Roundup: 5 Stories Of Hilarious Lawlessness These customers learn the hard way that crime doesn’t pay!

  1. In Real Hot Sauce Now (10,687 thumbs up)
  2. Dovahkiin’s Day Off (4,249 thumbs up)
  3. Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy (4,219 thumbs up)
  4. When Two Wrongs Make It Right (6,702 thumbs up)
  5. Needs To Press Paws (5,955 thumbs up)

PS #1: check out our Extras section, with pictures, videos, and news!

PS #2: Read more roundups here!

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