A Day Late And A Month Short

, | Connellsville, PA, USA | Time

(Note: our company sent out coupons a few months ago, and they expired June 3rd. A customer walks in and slaps the coupons down on the counter.)

Customer: “I want to use this for my salad.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, those expired at the 3rd of the month.”

Customer: “NO! It says they expire June 32nd!”

Me: “Sir, there is no June 32nd.”

Customer: *glances at the coupon and then storms out of the building cursing*

Weighting For The Other Shoe To Drop

| South Carolina, USA | Uncategorized

Regular Customer #1: “Hey, have you lost weight?”

Me: *beaming* “I have, in fact! I’ve had to fight pretty hard for it. Thank you for noticing!”

(Ten minutes later…)

Regular Customer #2: “Are you having a baby?”

Me: *no longer beaming*

Smile, You’re On Sordid Camera

| USA | Bigotry, Top

(We’ve recently gotten a transferred supervisor from another state, and we all just love her. We’re all particularly excited to see what happens when one of our regulars, who’s a big jerk and a misogynist, meets her. Note: I’m sweeping up a small mess when this happens.)

Mean Regular: *to me* “I see you got a new skirt around here.”

Me: “We do have a new woman working here, yes.”

Mean Regular: “Then why you sweepin’? That’s her job. It’s woman’s work!” *yells across the store at her* “Oi! B****! Why don’t you get to the jobs you supposed to be doin’? Ain’t no man’s job to sweep and clean!”

(My supervisor calmly walks over to our side of the store with a small smile on her face. Note: this customer towers over her and is much bulkier than she is.)

Mean Regular: “What you comin’ over here for?”

Female Supervisor: *calmly* “I came over here to inform you that if you yell across the store like that again, you will have to leave.”

Mean Regular: *menacingly* “What’d you say to me, b****?!”

Female Supervisor: *smiling* “I don’t make a habit of repeating myself, sir.” *to me* “Excuse me.”

(She turns to go back to what she has been doing—helping a different customer—but the mean regular starts yelling again.)

Mean Regular: “I’m gonna get you, b****, I swear I will! You’ll pay for disrespecting me! You can’t talk to me like that. I am a MAN! How dare you!”

(My supervisor stops in her tracks, pulls out her phone, swivels around and takes his picture.)

Female Supervisor: “I’m going to ask you to write down your name, address and phone number so we can contact you about your complaint, sir.”

Mean Regular: “Well, finally. A w**** who knows how to treat a real man!” *writes down his information and leaves*

Me: “What’d you do that for?”

Female Supervisor: “For the police report. He threatened me!”

Time To Pega-sulk

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(A little girl approaches me holding up a book with a unicorn on the cover.)

Little Girl: “I think unicorns are beautiful!”

Me: “They sure are! That looks like a great book for you!”

Little Girl: “I think you’re a unicorn!”

Me: “Aww! Does that mean you think I’m beautiful?”

Little Girl: “No! It means you’re a horse with a big horn on your head!”

Me: “Umm…thank you?”

This Caller’s Not Too Bright

| Charlottetown, PEI, Canada | Crazy Requests, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [company] Tech Support. My name is [name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “The technician needs to come.”

Me: “Sorry about the issue you are having, what seems to be happening?”

Caller: ”It’s too bright!”

Me: “What seems to be too bright?”

Caller: ”The light!”

Me: “What light are you talking about?”

Caller: ”The light on the box!”

Me: “I’m sorry, what box are you referring to?”

Caller: ”Internet light!”

Me: “Is this the light to your modem or your computer?”

Caller: ”The light is too bright and I can’t sleep at night. I need the tech to come out and not make it bright!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Have you tried turning the modem around to face a wall or put something over the lights?”

Caller: ”No, do you think that would work?”

Me: “Possibly.”

Caller: ”Well, I still want my other box back! It wasn’t bright!”

Me: “…”

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