No Escape From Stupid Moments, Part 2

| Halifax, NS, Canada | Right | December 4, 2013

(I work in a three-level retail store, on the bottom floor. Access to the connected mall is only on the second and third floors. It’s a pretty big place, and sometimes customers get confused as to where to go or how to leave. One day a customer comes running up to my cash, pushing next to a customer I’m ringing in.)

Customer: “Come on. I want to leave!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “I want to go! I want to leave!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Did you need help with something?”

Customer: “I want to go. I’m in a hurry! I want to get out!”

(The customer is near screaming now, and she looks ready to snap.)

Me: “You want to leave the store?”

Customer: “Yes! How do I get out? I want to leave right now. I’m in a hurry!”

(I point at the two sets of large glass doors no more than twenty feet away, with the sun shining through them.)

Me: “Uh. The exit’s just right there, ma’am.”

Customer: “Where?!”

Me: “Right down there, ma’am. At the end of the aisle.”

(The customer runs down the aisle, looking as if someone is about to grab her and chain her to a fixture, and bursts out of the doors.)

Me: “…I guess when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.”

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No Escape From Stupid Moments

Drowning Hamster Requires Mouse To Mouse

| LA, USA | Right | December 4, 2013

(The small rodents are stored in aquariums with screen tops. A customer comes in and looks over the hamster tank.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with today, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, what kinda fish dis be here?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not a fish. That is a hamster.”

Customer: “What kinda fish is a hamster? Is it one of the ocean things?”

Me: “Ma’am, hamsters are rodents. They are not any species of fish.”

Customer: “Where’s its water?”

Me: “In the bottle hanging on the side, right there.”

Customer: “You mean dat poor thing can’t even get in the water? What kind of place be keepin’ fish dat ain’t even in water? I ain’t spendin’ my money here. That’s cruelty. Shame on you!”

(The customer storms out of the store indignantly. I’m still confused.)

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Flip Flop Flop

| NM, USA | Right | December 4, 2013

(I work in a department store selling shoes. I’m all alone in my department one night. A rather bedraggled looking customer comes in, grabs a display sandal, and slams them on my counter.)

Customer: “I want to buy these.”

Me: “Okay. What size do you need?”

Customer: “Whatever. Just pick one.”

(I look down at his feet to estimate his size, and notice he is barefoot. I go back into the stock room and grab a pair of the sandals he wants. When I get back out to the counter, security is standing there waiting.)

Me: “Okay, sir. I grabbed you a nine. Do you want to try them on?”

Customer: “No. Just ring them up.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be $107.80.”

(The customer rummages through his wallet for several minutes, and finally hands me $4.)

Me: “Thank you, sir. Now we just need $103.80.”

Customer: “I handed it to you, sweetie.”

Me: “You only handed me $4. That’s not enough for these shoes.”

Customer: “Oh, gosh, sweetie. I’m sorry. Here.”

(The customer hands me another stack of dollar bills, which I count. He’s still about $70 short.)

Me: “Okay. That’ll be another $70.”

Customer: “I already gave it to you!”

(I count out the total bills he handed me, and show him my screen showing the total. I grab a calculator and work out the difference for him.)

Customer: “I’M TELLING YOU, I ALREADY PAID YOU!”

Security: “You didn’t pay her enough, sir.”

Customer: “Screw this place!”

(The customer takes his money back and storms out the door.)

Me: *to security* “Well, that was interesting.”

Security: “I told him he couldn’t be in here without shoes, so he said he’d go buy some. Glad to see that worked out for him.”

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Red Light Bulb Moment

| Germany | Right | December 4, 2013

(I am in a recently opened restaurant. I overhear this conversation at the table next to me. At the table is a large family.)

Customer: “Has there ever been another restaurant in this building? The place looks so familiar.”

Waitress: “I do not know. The building has been vacant for many years.”

Customer: “I remember the stained glass windows and the spiral stairs. I am sure I have been here before.”

(Just then, another waiter passes the table.)

Waitress: “Do you know if there has ever been another restaurant in this place?”

Waiter: “No. Until they went out of business a few years ago this place was a brothel.”

(There is an awkward silence at the table.)

Read this story as a comic!

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New Person, Old Hate

| Right | December 4, 2013

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