Didn’t Do Math At Hogwarts

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Right | March 29, 2014

(A customer is renting ‘Harry Potter: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2.’)

Customer: “Have you watched this?”

Me: “Yes, but I found the books to be much better.”

Customer: “How can you like the work of some lazy author?”

Me: “Huh?”

Customer: “There are eight movies, but only seven books. The author got lazy and wrapped everything up in seven books instead of writing eight!”

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It’s Time To End The Shift On A High

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Right | March 29, 2014

(I’m just finishing up a call with a pleasant customer, my last call for the day. Because of mandatory overtime, I’ve been at work for almost 12 hours straight and can’t wait to leave.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Hang on. My daughter wants to ask you a question.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I hear the customer hand the phone to his daughter. She sounds very young: probably three or four.)

Girl: “Hi!”

Me: “Hi, there! How are you?”

Girl: “Good. Hey, do you know what time it is?”

Me: *playing along* “No, sweetie. What time is it?”

Girl: “It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly! Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat!”

Customer: “Sorry about that. She just HAS to sing it every time I’m on the phone.”

Me: *laughing really hard* “It’s perfectly fine, sir. I can’t think of a better way to end my shift!”

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I Crop Dust Customers

| Right | March 28, 2014

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May The Fleas Of A Thousand Camels…

| Right | March 28, 2014

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Crappy Management

| NV, USA | Right | March 28, 2014

(I work as a cashier. One evening, two customers walk into the store and ask for an exchange. One of the men walks around the store to find what he wants while his friend stays with me. We make small talk while he waits.)

Customer’s Friend: “You’d make a good manager here.”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t think so. I don’t have enough experience here.”

Customer’s Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself. You’re a wonderful person.”

Me: “Thank you. But I’ve only worked here for less than a year. I don’t think corporate would let me become a manager yet.”

Customer’s Friend: “Stop that! You can do anything you want.”

(At that moment, the customer’s friend returns to the counter. His friend goes over to the other counter to wait with him as one of my managers processes the return. Just as they’re about to leave…)

Customer’s Friend: “You have to stop being so negative about yourself. It’s not good.”

Me: “Okay, sir. I won’t.”

Customer’s Friend: “I’m serious. Don’t self-defecate!”

Me: “… I won’t, sir. I promise.”

(I had to wait until they left before I could start laughing. I’m sure his intentions were good, and that he meant to say ‘deprecate’, but his small mistake made my night.)

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