Milk It For All Its Work

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink, Top

(A regular walks into the shop, makes his usual order, and pays for it. But instead of waiting at the bar, he pulls out an empty litre plastic bottle. He then pulls out a little funnel and fills the bottle to the brim with our coffee shop’s milk and stands at the bar looking smug until his drink arrives.)

Coworker: “That’s a lot of milk you’ve got there.”

Customer: “I know… I have to make ends meet somehow, with the prices that you charge. That’s like five bucks worth of milk in there.”

Coworker: “Well, sir, the other customers might want some, too.”

Customer: “I’m setting an example. How much do these cost to make? Milk, coffee, energy, wages. Less than I just paid for it. So, according to Marx’s theory of materialist dialectics, you’re extracting surplus value from me, the consumer. I’m just getting back some of what you owe me, and all the other customers should too.”

(At this point, everyone is looking at us, and the manager comes over to intervene.)

Manager: “Sir, our margins are pretty tight and that…” *points at the milk* “…is WAY more than the surplus value. Anyway, I haven’t done the calculation but I’d say most of the surplus value you contribute goes to homeless people and the ones who come in here and make themselves cinnamon milk to drink. You pay according to your ability, and they get according to their need. Yeah?”

Customer: *goes quiet and walks out, leaving his milk on the bar*

Manager: “Don’t try and school me on Marxist theory, a**hole.”

1 Thumbs
2,755
VOTES

Sticking It To Sticklers For Stickers

| Ottawa, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Top

(I’m a supermarket cashier and have 5 minutes left on my shift. I therefore put my “Closed” sign up as I finish with my current customers. However, a customer walks right past the sign and starts putting his items on the belt. Seeing as he only has a few items, I let it slide and serve him.)

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer: “Fine…”

Me: *begins ringing up his items*

Customer: “Hey, my bread is supposed to be 50% off! It rang up full price!”

(The customer shows me the pink “Reduction” sticker our store uses to discount certain items. This sticker was on the bottom of his bread.)

Me: “Oh! No worries, sir. It’s an easy fix! Sorry about that.”

(I proceed to void the bread, hit the “Reduction” key on my register, and then scan the bread again.)

Customer: “How can you be a cashier if you’re going to miss obvious things like that! You shouldn’t be in the customer service industry if you’re going to be friggin’ oblivious! Gah, this is why I hate this store!”

Me: “Sir… I’m only human. Human beings make mistakes and miss things sometimes, just like you missed my closed sign when you walked up to my cash. I, however, didn’t bother calling you out on it. Your total is $11.03.”

Customer: *sheepishly looks at my sign* “…Debit.”

Me: *big smile* “Have a WONDERFUL evening, sir.”

1 Thumbs
2,522
VOTES

Drunkenness Can Give Birth To Wordlessness

| California, USA | Family & Kids, Health & Body

(A husband and wife are staying at our hotel because they are visiting the wife’s father, whose own wife is giving birth. One evening, the husband and father-in-law come stumbling into our front office.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Husband: “Quick, I need… um…” *turns to father-in-law* “What’s the word…”

Father-In-Law: *shrugs*

(The husband says the word several times in another language. My coworker hears this and approaches.)

Coworker: *to me* “I got it.”

(My coworker speaks to them in the language they were speaking. She then nods, calls them a taxi, and enters a note on their account for the manager.)

Me: “What was that about?”

Coworker: “Well, you know how he and his wife were here to celebrate with her dad?”

Me: “Yes?”

Coworker: “Yeah, well, since his wife is pregnant and can’t drink, he and his father-in-law were in the hotel bar alone. The father-in-law wanted to tell him he was ordering traditional Irish baby gifts when they got a call that his wife had gone into labor.”

Me: “Oh wow! That’s great! Wait… what was he confused about, then?”

Coworker: “Oh, they were too drunk to remember the English words for ‘hospital’ and ‘taxi’.”

Me: “I’m so glad you weren’t on your lunch break!”

Colorful Comments Can Get You Burned

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | Health & Body

(A customer in maybe her late 40s or early 50s walks up to the counter while she waits for her drink.)

Customer: “Oh honey, are you okay?”

Me: “Well, yeah…why?”

Customer: “Your skin… it’s so pale!”

Me: “Oh, I’m just naturally very fair-skinned. Whole family is.”

Customer: “But sweetie, you look awful.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “You look just AWFUL! So sickly.”

Me: “Well, thank you for your concern, but I feel just fine.”

Customer: “No, really, you look TERRIBLE!”

Me: “Gee, thanks.”

Customer: “What?! I’m just trying to be helpful! You should really see a doctor about that skin of yours, you just look horrible!” *takes her drink and leaves*

Me: “Uh… what just happened?”

(At this point, another younger, female customer speaks up.)

Another Customer: “Some giant piece of old burnt toast trying to reclaim her long lost youth.”

A Bounty Of Advice Puts A Bounce In Your Step

| Illinois, USA | Uncategorized

(An elderly male customer comes up to me at work and shows me his shopping list.)

Customer: “Do you carry these dryer sheets?”

(He shows me the list, which reads “Bounty sheets.”)

Me: “Sir, Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. I think you mean Bounce.”

Customer: “My wife wrote it.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure she just made a mistake.” *I show him our selection of dryer sheets* “As you can see, we don’t carry Bounty. I’m sure she meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Do you think another store would have them?”

Me: “No, sir, I promise you it would be a wasted trip. Bounty doesn’t make dryer sheets. They only do paper towels and napkins. My best guess is that your wife meant Bounce.”

Customer: “Okay, but if she yells at me, I’m blaming you.”

Me: *laughing* “Go right ahead.”

(The customer buys Bounce. I see him a week later.)

Customer: “You were right about the dryer sheets! Thanks for making me look smart!”

(I made a new best friend that day!)

Page 1,767/3,169First...1,7651,7661,7671,7681,769...Last