Must Have Coasted Through Her Geography Lessons

| MA, USA | Food & Drink, Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(It’s important to note this takes place in Massachusetts, on the east coast of the USA.)

Tourist: “I’d like to get [coffee], and my daughter will have [more complicated coffee].”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [amount].”

Tourist: “Oh, I left my money in my car. I’ll be back.”

(She leaves, and I am forced to move on to the next customer. Her daughter waits patiently for a good 15-20 minutes. Then her mother returns. She rudely interrupts another customer.)

Tourist: “Um, excuse me, WHY haven’t you made our drinks yet?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there was a line—”

Tourist: “I was here first! Now make our drinks, and I have to use your bathroom.”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t have a bathroom for customers.”

Tourist: “WHEN YOU PAY FOR STUFF IN RESTAURANTS IN NEW JERSEY, WHERE I’M FROM, YOU CAN USE THE F***ING BATHROOM! GOD! This is why I NEVER come to the east coast!”

(The tourist and her daughter depart, much to the dumbfounded disbelief of the customers remaining. I exchange glances with a customer.)

Me: “…doesn’t she know New Jersey is on the east coast?”

A Very Shallow Pool Of Intelligence

| AR, USA | Extra Stupid

(The phone rings.)

Customer: “I need to get sand for my pool filter.”

Me: “Okie doke, how much sand do you need?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “If you look on your filter, it will usually tell you how much it uses.”

Customer: “I’m looking at it right now. It doesn’t say how much it needs.”

Me: “Does it say anything on it at all?”

Customer: “Yes it has a serial number.”

Me: “What is it?”

Customer: “300-L-B-S.”

(I pause.)

Customer: “Does that help?”

Me: “I will have your sand ready to pick up in 15 minutes.”

No Room For Negotiation

| USA | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging

(My hotel is the only one near a very busy pavilion. During concert season, we book up solid.)

Me: “Hello. May I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I need a room.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we have no more.”

Caller: “WHAT! You’re lying.”

Me: “I’m not.”

Caller: “Yes, you are. You have rooms left. Aren’t you still waiting on people to show up?”

Me: “Yes…”

Caller: “Well then, give me their room! I’m here, and they’re not!”

Me: “I can’t.”

Caller: “WHY NOT!”

Me: “Because they’ve reserved that room. I have to hold it for a few more hours. If they still don’t show until then, you may have it.”

Caller: “That’s stupid! You’re just being mean!”

Me: “No, what’s ‘mean’ is if I gave you their room that they booked. How would you like it if I gave one of your rooms that you booked?”

Caller: *blank stare*

Me: “Exactly…”

Caller: “You just lost some money!” *storms off*

(The reservation did show, so we didn’t.)