No Common Scents, Part 2

| Destin, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I work in a skin and body care store part time. We have dozens of different scents and lotion types.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, I need a lotion.”

Me: “Absolutely! Did you need something ultra-moisturizing, or hypoallergenic? Or maybe a certain scent?”

Customer: “Just give me one that smells good.”

Me: “Okay, do you prefer floral scents, or fruity ones, or—”

Customer: “God, why are you making this so difficult? Just give me one that smells good! How hard can that be?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, what I think smells good may not be what you think smells good. Every customer is different.”

Customer: “Just give me some d*** lotion!”

Me: *sighs* “Here, try this one.”

(I hand her our best-selling verbena lotion.)

Customer: “Thank you, was that so hard?”

(One hour later…)

Customer: “I want to return this lotion! It smells TERRIBLE! Why would you give this to me?”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. The outlet store does not allow returns. However, if you would like to tell me what kind of scent you prefer, maybe we can exchange it.”

Customer: *grumbles* “Fine. Got anything in rose?”

Related:
No Common Scents

Lightning Fast Sarcasm

| Orlando, FL, USA | Geography, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

(I work at an outdoor log flume attraction in a theme park. We have just closed the line, and are not letting anyone else in due to there being lightning nearby.)

Guest: “Do you know when the ride will open again? When can I come back?”

Me: “The best answer I can give you is whenever the storm passes.”

Guest: “And when will that be?”

Me: “…ma’am, I don’t know. It’s a storm.”

Guest: “Well, you live here! You should know how long the storms in Orlando last!”

Me: “Well, we had a storm yesterday that lasted ten minutes, and one the day before that lasted three hours, so I’d say come back between ten minutes and three hours.”

Guest: *sarcastically* “Thanks for the help!” *storms off*

Has The Drive To Cheat And Lie

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Love/Romance

(I work in a car insurance call center.)

Customer: “Oh, the policy isn’t in my name.”

Me: “May I speak to the policy holder to get permission to speak to you and add you to the policy?”

Customer: “No, she’s not speaking to me.”

Me: “Okay, well that just means I am unable to give you any information or make any changes for you at this point of time.”

Customer: “But it’s my car! She just took me off all the policies after I cheated on her.”

(I have no idea what to say.)

Customer: “Never mind, I’ll just call back and pretend I’m her.” *click*