The Ire Of The Irish

| Maryland, USA | Food & Drink, Geography

(I’m Irish and am working in the States one summer, waiting tables at an Irish pub/restaurant. I’m serving a couple in their 30s.)

Customer: “Where are you from?”

Me: “I’m from Ireland.”

Customer: “Where’s that?”

Me: “It’s in Europe.”

Customer: “Oh, you’re from another country! Your English is really good!”

More Daylight, Less Twilight, Part 7

, | Oregon, USA | Holidays, Top

(I am a vampire at a haunted house. My costume includes fangs, a cape, and of course, I am drenched in blood.)

Teenage girl: *looking extremely mad* “What is this?! They got your costumes all wrong!”

Me: *snarling, not dropping character* “You smell delicious…it’s so rare we get fresh victims…”

Teenage girls: “No, no, no! Vampires drink ANIMAL blood! And why aren’t you sparkling?!”

Me: “Your neck…it’s so…inviting—”

Teenage girl: “This is WRONG! You aren’t real vampires!” *stomps away*

Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 6
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 5
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 4
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 3
Less Twilight, More Daylight, Part 2
Less Twilight, More Daylight

This Car Is Past Its Break-in Period

| New Jersey, USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer in a used car dealership looking to trade in my car. Another customer has been looking at my car for a few minutes.)

Customer, to salesman: “Can I test drive that green Saturn at the end of the lot?”

Salesman: “That’s a customer’s car. We don’t own it.”

Customer: “Okay. Can I test drive it?”

Salesman: “No.”

(I’m standing close by, laughing at the whole conversation, when my dad comes to tell me he found a nice car in my price-range, so we go to look at it. Five minutes later, I go back to my car to see the same woman trying to pry the window down.)

Me: “Excuse me, what are you doing?”

Customer: “I want to test drive this car, but the salesman refuses to give me the keys!”

Me: “That’s my car. I own it.”

Customer: “Oh. I thought he was just saying that to spite me.”

Ignorance Isn’t Bliss

| Kansas City, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I am signing to a deaf couple, asking them if they need help. Before they can reply, a customer interrupts me.)

Customer: *gasping* “You’re in a gang!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “I saw you! You flashed them a gang sign!”

Me: *laughing* “No, ma’am, it’s ASL.”

Customer: “I don’t care what your gang is called. It’s people like you that make me scared to go out at night!”

(She leaves with her purchase, which turns out to be a shirt that says “B****es Get Stitches.”)

Burnt To Order

| San Jose, CA, USA | Food & Drink

Me: “And would you like white toast with that?”

Customer: “No, I want black toast.”

Me: “I don’t…I don’t think that exists, sir.”

Customer: “BLACK TOAST.”

Me: “Wheat it is, then, sir.”

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