Ma Earth Thanks You Anyway

| Baltimore, MD, USA | Uncategorized

(When I ring out customers with small items or few things, I ask if they want a plastic bag in the interest of not wasting one on something small.)

Me: “And did you want a bag for your pen, sir?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I just want the receipt. Save the tree.”

Me: *looks questioningly* “Sir, the bag is plastic. It doesn’t come from trees.”

Customer: “Whatever. Something about dolphins and the Amazon…” *walks out*

Not A Shred Of Intelligence

, | Orange County, NY, USA | School, Top, Wild & Unruly

(It’s finals week and a student approaches our help desk.)

Student: “Your copy machine isn’t working. My papers wont come out.”

Me: “It’s probably jammed. I’ll have my coworker fix that for you.”

(My coworker follows the student to the copy machines. After a few minutes, the student runs by me in tears. My coworker comes back a few moments later.)

Me: “What happened?!”

Coworker: “She used the shredder instead of the copy machine.”

Don’t Mess With The Lez

| Boston, MA, USA | Bigotry, Top

(I have a small nose stud. As I’m taking an old man’s tickets, he reaches out and pokes my nose ring.)

Customer: *in a rude, judgmental tone* “So, what’s this for?”

Me: “It’s a signal to the other lesbians.”

Customer: *makes a horrified face and scurries away*

Spontaneous Degeneration

| Florida, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I work at a high end retail store that sells frogs in little tanks.)

Customer: “Do the frogs come out of rocks?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The frogs? Do they come out of rocks?”

Me: “No. Frogs come from eggs.”

Customer: “Oh…”

All Aboard The U.S.S. Gluteus Maximus

| Nevada, USA | Language & Words

Customer: “Is there a** sailing here?”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “A** sailing. You know, like rock climbing?”

Me: “You mean abseiling?”

Customer: “That’s what I said!”

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